Why Does Being a Single Father Often Stigmatize the Mother?

[detshen]

Originally Posted by no kudzu

rigid, inflexible, close-minded people give me a headache.
Who is to say one-size-fits-all parenting is the only way to go. While many of us might say we would never live apart from our kids does not mean there is something "wrong" with any parent- male or female- who makes that decision. Some of us grew up with mothers right in the same house who were "living apart".

OP and his ex made the decision which was best for the child. I know what it's like to be a teenager ripped away from friends, school, etc. This arrangement sounds like the best for this family and should be encouraged not belittled.

They give me a headache too, I have now have a monster one. This thread show up on the side and I decided to click thinking it ridiculous a mother would be automatically stigmatized. I can't believe all the judgmental nonsense about mothers and fathers people actually think is appropriate to post. People have every right to do whatever they feel is best for their family without being attacked by judgmental people who think they know what's right for everyone else, and insist everyone else live by their rigid gender beliefs.

[Amelorn]

Originally Posted by jasper12

This. My ex and I had an amicable split. Our children were teens, two in high school. They decided to stay with their Dad. I was offerred a job making $20,000 more in another state. I had put my career on the backburner for years..as a wife and Mother...I took the job. My kids were fine with it. My ex was fine with it.

The judging from others....adult female friends of my ex took my daughter out shopping, and gave her gifts. Obviously, they felt badly for this young girl, "abandoned" by her Mother. I talked to my daughter every day on the phone! She was not abandoned!

I don't worry about what others think...but it was obvious, even my own family acted like he was a saint...and I was the sinner. Fine. Whatever.

How dare you! You made a decision, with the input of your ex husband and kids, about the future! Then you had the audacity to better their lives by paying for their tuition! What were you thinking!

A parent moving away is nothing new in history. With young children, I can understand the qualms one might have. However, teenagers are old enough to voice their thoughts and decide with whom they want to live. If everyone is happy with the arrangement, I don't see the problem.

[jodipper]

Originally Posted by detshen

They give me a headache too, I have now have a monster one. This thread show up on the side and I decided to click thinking it ridiculous a mother would be automatically stigmatized. I can't believe all the judgmental nonsense about mothers and fathers people actually think is appropriate to post. People have every right to do whatever they feel is best for their family without being attacked by judgmental people who think they know what's right for everyone else, and insist everyone else live by their rigid gender beliefs.

How can taking off with a guy and leaving your daughter behind be the best for the family?

The mother in the OP was only thinking of herself. If she did not want to stay married she could have stayed in the area, daughter would not have had to change schools, lose friends, etc. Mother is the selfish one here. She left because of a man.

[Doll Eyes]

the single fathers want pats on the back and extra credit for something millions of women do everyday. When in reality they are nothing special.

single mothers -- tramps, dated losers, bottom of the barrel etc.

single fathers -- martyrs to be cherished

[no kudzu]

the double standard lives on and always will.