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There must be a reason he wants to stay with you -- you might be providing him something he needs, beyond the free roof over his head and food.
You are family to him whether you like it or not and if he's always been a bit moody, that might be how he is, it could be his defense system. He may not have been ready yet to leave home and his mother pressured him to go off to college.
If it were me, I'd just let him come -- it's not likely going to be all that much longer. I can't kick a kid out of my home unless they give me more reason than just being moody.
Some colleges, including my son's, do close the dorms for week-long breaks.
If being chatty in the morning was a requisite for being considered a good house guest, I would never have been invited back anywhere. I wake up slowly, and it bugs me to deal with chatterboxes over my coffee.
In this case, it sounds more like different personalities than rudeness. The nephew may think he's being polite by being quiet.
At any rate, it's a temporary situation, and for the sake of family I would not make a big deal out of it.
How did that happen? She just said "Here's the deal: he's moving in with you for the holidays." and you didn't say anything (like "No he's not") or set down any ground rules?
Now he's telling you he's not a morning person and you still don't know how to handle it. Even though you know he treats his younger brother and his roommates horribly. Isn't he the charmer? And you let him get away with that while you foot the bill?
How about "Your house your rules" and no more you playing Mr. Limpit who doesn't seem to want to rock the boat. Speak up now and tell him to change his attitude or he's not going to be enjoying all that free hospitality of yours. But it's not even hospitality, actually. It's them telling you what to do and imposing on you. Because they can. So you can decide to let them do that or you can have a pow wow with him and tell him if he can't manage a "hello" in the morning and be a little less selfish ("But I need to be alooooone" Umm... No, he doesn't.) then you aren't the Holiday Inn any longer. Then call your sister and tell her why he's no longer going to be the blob in your spare bed.
Yes. You are allowed to say "NO".
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Some colleges, including my son's, do close the dorms for week-long breaks.
If being chatty in the morning was a requisite for being considered a good house guest, I would never have been invited back anywhere. I wake up slowly, and it bugs me to deal with chatterboxes over my coffee.
In this case, it sounds more like different personalities than rudeness. The nephew may think he's being polite by being quiet.
At any rate, it's a temporary situation, and for the sake of family I would not make a big deal out of it.
I agree that I think it's more of a personality issue. I'm not a cheery person in the morning either. At all. And our son is a very quiet person around other people until you get him on a topic he's interested in - then he's all talk.
And let me say - that makes it hard on parents when dorms close for the week long breaks!!! I figured most were like ours and that they had the option to stay. Forcing them to leave stinks.
just like he treats his younger brother and his roommate at college (angry, moody, uncommunicative, etc.),
This is why I think it's more than a personality issue.
A lot of people are grumpy in the morning. That's within my personal range of normal. Lot's of grumpy people out there grunting out one word responses until they wake up and get going. But angry? If he's angry towards both his brother and his roommates, something else is going on. And angry on top of moody is not a good thing.
Even tho my son wasn't a morning person, he was never allowed to be rude or moody to someone.
I myself am not overly fond of having someone hit me with a bunch of questions and chatter for at least the 1st hour I'm up but when I have to deal with it, I take a deep breath and deal with it.
Try this....give him the 1st hour. After that ask him what his plans are, what he had in mind for the day etc etc etc. Because a lot of 19 year olds think it's "cool" to act this way, you might get some shoulder shrugs, and some 'I don't knows".
If you and your wife are planning to do something then tell him..."Well wife and I are doing such and such. If you would like to join us we'll be leaving/beginning at 11am." Don't beg him, don't yell at him and don't make him go but if he's not there at 11am go or do it anyway.
Once he knows that's he's welcome to do what you're planning but also realises that you're going to do it anyway, he'll probably want to join in.
Don't cowtow to the moodiness...it just encourages it and gives him more power.
He not just moody the first hour of the day but instead he won't say a word until he has been up for at least 3 hours.
Here is the other things he does:
Ask him a question, get a one word answer
Try to bring up topics of conversation about things he may be interested in and he gives very little feedback
Never brings up a topic of conversation himself
Lots of eye rolling and grunts when we speak
Negative body language and no positive reinforcement
When he is in the car with us he spends 95% of his time on his smart phone.
My sister tells me he claims he has a great time when he is here and loves all the places we take him in the DC area and is looking forward to coming again in February.
Maybe it is just a case of people have different expectations of communication. Ever seen Wife Swap and how couples and families interact with each other so much.
In the final analysis I think he needs to defer to us as the ones who are putting him up, taking him to tourist attractions and paying for his food. But how to tell him he is not pleasing us in his conversational style without making it worse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue
Even tho my son wasn't a morning person, he was never allowed to be rude or moody to someone.
I myself am not overly fond of having someone hit me with a bunch of questions and chatter for at least the 1st hour I'm up but when I have to deal with it, I take a deep breath and deal with it.
Try this....give him the 1st hour. After that ask him what his plans are, what he had in mind for the day etc etc etc. Because a lot of 19 year olds think it's "cool" to act this way, you might get some shoulder shrugs, and some 'I don't knows".
If you and your wife are planning to do something then tell him..."Well wife and I are doing such and such. If you would like to join us we'll be leaving/beginning at 11am." Don't beg him, don't yell at him and don't make him go but if he's not there at 11am go or do it anyway.
Once he knows that's he's welcome to do what you're planning but also realizes that you're going to do it anyway, he'll probably want to join in.
Don't cowtow to the moodiness...it just encourages it and gives him more power.
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