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Any suggestions for step-parents to help weekends with all the kids go smoothly? To help avoid arguments between us parents? Is it fair to have the same rules and expectations for kids that are here all the time and kids that are only here once a week and every other weekend who we miss and don't get as much time with?
I have dealt with this for 13 years. I personally think children need the stability. They know what to expect and how to behave. When people say it isn't fair to expect them to have 2 sets of rules at different homes, think of it this way...How many zillions of laws in this country are there? We have to follow them as adults. If you play favs with the weekend kids, it will breed resentment between them.
Rules are rules. You need to stay firm regardless if the children are there only part time. I don't see a problem with favorites if they all have the same rules!!!
There are rules for home, rules for school, rules at grandma's, rules at friend's houses, rules for church............no problem with rules for visiting the other parent either. Kids are resilient and it's ok for them to learn that they have to adjust to their setting at any given time.
I agree- hold all kids to the same standard when they're in your home.
There are rules for home, rules for school, rules at grandma's, rules at friend's houses, rules for church............no problem with rules for visiting the other parent either. Kids are resilient and it's ok for them to learn that they have to adjust to their setting at any given time.
I agree- hold all kids to the same standard when they're in your home.
Just as WE hold the kids FRIENDS to the same standard as ours.
Any suggestions for step-parents to help weekends with all the kids go smoothly? To help avoid arguments between us parents? Is it fair to have the same rules and expectations for kids that are here all the time and kids that are only here once a week and every other weekend who we miss and don't get as much time with?
You and your wife/hubby need to sit down and discuss it. There is nothing worst then having two parents that expect different things. If you are not on the same page, it will not be a good experience and will only lead to fighting, I speak from experience.
You have rules in your house for the 24/7 kids which the other kids should also follow. If they are allowed to do what they want, when they want, it will not be fair to the kids that do live there 24/7.
Just because they come once a week or every other weekend does not give them a free pass. IMO having them follow the same rules shows them that you love them and you are treating them the same as the kids that live there, as if they never left you when it's time to go home.
I agree with everyone. My stepson is 9 - his mother is the worst parent in the world and lets him get away with EVERYTHING. As soon as he sees our car he becomes a different kid and is great for us. He's still a kid and he still tries stuff - but he respects us and our home and he respects the consequences in our home.........
My house - my rules!!!
As a step-parent myself, I'd like to weigh in....
Please keep the rules the same....I became my son's "other-mom" when he was 6 years old....1st thing hubby did was set the standard that I had just as much to say about the rules as he did....yes some weekends it seemed like all we did was yell at him but it's the fun and the love that he remembers now that he's 25 and has a child of his own. The word "step" isn't even used anymore.
He paid us the ultimate compliment when he said that he wanted a marriage like ours and would raise his kids like we raised him.
One his wedding day he gave both of his "Moms" a rose.
Keep the love flowing along with the rules!!!
I do agree with the consistency issue. Although kids totally do not want rules and consistency, they eventually learn to appreciate it. I appreciate reading all of your replies. My husband and I are planning to have children together soon and will be dealing with this issue because his son comes to stay with us a few times a year. I know his son feels at odds with all the different rules because his mom is an awful parent and Charlie and I have more strict parenting skills so it's nice to read about everyone's different experiences.
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