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I agree with what you wrote. Helicopter parents of today are a nightmare. They think they OWN their kids . . . Nope, they don't . . .if your kid is a good kid, no need to snoop. If your kid is not a good kid, get them into therapy . . .
I do encourage you to find a way to let go of your anger and resentment because it will poison you. Try to forgive your mom - she was probably misguided and had your best interests at heart, and if not, you have survived and she has no power over you now, especially if you have no relationship with her.
There are some parents who believe they own their children.
This is incredibly tragic and sad. I feel for her - but I believe her son was hell-bent on his lifestyle . . .he had many chances - 7 or 8 rehabs? Who is to say that snooping would have changed anything - only he can say, and he is gone.
Some people are hell-bent on ruining their lives and those of the people who care for them and nothing can be done to stop them. Nothing.
But I will NEVER violate his trust. If I happen to read a journal of his, unless I see he's plotting a murder or doing drugs, I wouldn't even tell him I read it. I'd keep that to myself.
You admit here that you would read his journal... that IS a violation of his trust. Just because you wouldn't rub his nose in it and bust him for venting his feelings - you've still read his personal property without his permission.
Just had to point out that you contradicted yourself.
You admit here that you would read his journal... that IS a violation of his trust. Just because you wouldn't rub his nose in it and bust him for venting his feelings - you've still read his personal property without his permission.
Just had to point out that you contradicted yourself.
No I said if I happen upon it. I see a open book I'll glance at it to see what it is. Once I see its his journal, I walk away and act like I never saw it. I won't continue to read it.
Luckily, I now realize my parents were very pro-privacy. We all (3 sisters, 1 brother) knocked on closed doors before entering, asked before reading or taking things and respected each others privacy. Even keeping secrets and no snooping or tattling on each other. My Mom used to tell us no one liked a rat.
Conversely I worked with a lady years ago who bragged about how she spied on her daughter, to the point of following her around town, ducking into alleyways to avoid detection, listening in on the extension, reading her diaries etc. Not suprisingly a few years later, that daughter turned 18 and took off. They had nothing but problems, but the Mom still could not recognize her part in the problem. I can only speculate that she was violated in this manner and assumed it was normal parenting, which it is not.
If your child is exhibiting bizarre behaviours which indicate drug use or mental problems, then you have a pass. If you're getting your jollies reading your kids diaries, you need help.
Luckily, I now realize my parents were very pro-privacy. We all (3 sisters, 1 brother) knocked on closed doors before entering, asked before reading or taking things and respected each others privacy. Even keeping secrets and no snooping or tattling on each other. My Mom used to tell us no one liked a rat.
Conversely I worked with a lady years ago who bragged about how she spied on her daughter, to the point of following her around town, ducking into alleyways to avoid detection, listening in on the extension, reading her diaries etc. Not suprisingly a few years later, that daughter turned 18 and took off. They had nothing but problems, but the Mom still could not recognize her part in the problem. I can only speculate that she was violated in this manner and assumed it was normal parenting, which it is not.
If your child is exhibiting bizarre behaviours which indicate drug use or mental problems, then you have a pass. If you're getting your jollies reading your kids diaries, you need help.
I had a parent who went through my drawers and made comments in red pen on notes I had exchanged with boyfriends. One boyfriend wrote "I was so excited to see you" and her comment in red pen was: "What did you do to excite him?" She folded the notes back up and months later when I was going through them, I discovered the comments. There were many other violations. But this was not the worst of the parenting . . . Needless to say, some parents are kind of sick and who knows what they might do that their kids have to tolerate.
I had a parent who went through my drawers and made comment in red pen on notes I had exchanged with boyfriends. One boyfriend wrote "I was so excited to see you" and her comment in red pen was: "What did you do to excite him?" She folded the notes back up and months later when I was going through them, I discovered the comments. There were many other violations. But this was not the worst of the parenting . . . Needless to say, some parents are kind of sick and who knows what they might do that their kids have to tolerate.
I am dumbfounded. Truly. Who in the hell would think this^^ was OK?
You have my sympathy.
My parents had their issues when I was growing up but I don't think they ever knowingly violated my privacy. I didn't give them any reason to do so though. They were pretty hands off parents to a point. They obsessed over the smaller stuff and ignored the bigger issues. Pretty ass backward but I knew they cared...
That is seriously bold action, writing responses to your entries though. I'd never trust her with anything ever. I have trust issues but I've been through therapy and self exploration and have let the past be the past so I don't repeat the parents grevious mistakes. Good luck with however you choose to deal with mom through the holiday. Just remember you're the adult and don't let her get to you. I'm sure you have boundaries don't let her cross them.
Quote:
I had a parent who went through my drawers and made comments in red pen on notes I had exchanged with boyfriends. One boyfriend wrote "I was so excited to see you" and her comment in red pen was: "What did you do to excite him?" She folded the notes back up and months later when I was going through them, I discovered the comments. There were many other violations. But this was not the worst of the parenting . . . Needless to say, some parents are kind of sick and who knows what they might do that their kids have to tolerate
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Last edited by fancykatya; 12-03-2012 at 03:35 AM..
Reason: misspelling
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