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"Co-sleeping in and of itself is not going to damage your son in any way."
Tell that to the dozen or so CHILDREN who are DEAD in Milwaukee (this year alone) due to co-sleeping.
According to the city, 10 babies out of every 100,000 born in Milwaukee die before their first birthday.
"Everyone in this state should be embarrassed by the fact that our largest city has infant mortality rates for African-American babies that are higher than Third World countries," Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett said.
Obviously, I feel quite strongly about this issue.
How does that compare to the number of babies that dies who are not co-sleeping? When my first-born daughter was an infant, she had reflux, very common in many babies. I placed her in her crib on her back like I had been instructed to do by the pediatrician. At about 2am I suddenly jumped up from a deep sleep. I didn't know why I awoke, but heard a very faint gagging sound. When I went to her crib (it was in my bedroom) she was lying there on her back with her mouth filled with vomit. She would have choked to death had I not awoken like I did. And I had done everything they tell you to do to keep them safe. From that point on she slept with me.
And regarding the statement about AA babies having higher death rates than Third World countries, you do realize that they co-sleep in third world countries, don't you?
My wife hadn't been out of the house since we had a baby. So we found a married woman with children four doors down who agreed to babysit for us while we ran out to dinner. An hour later we came back to her empty and dark house. No note. I knocked on her neighbor's door and she told me she thought our babysitter went to a house party in another neighborhood. We searched that neighborhood across town until we saw cars. I went in through the rear patio doors, walked across the room and rescued our daughter from the babysitter's arms. Not a word was exchanged.
I don't see anything wrong with rocking your 2 year old to sleep, co-sleeping and not leaving him yet with sitters or for overnights. I do not think that a child can be spoiled from any of these things. You are meeting his needs in a way that feels right to you. He will grow up and become independent when he's ready. However, I do think it'd be wise to seek counseling for the loss of your mother as some of the motivations you have expressed for doing these things sound fear based and addressing those fears could help you parent in a more relaxed manner even if it still includes continnuing with all of the things that you are currently doing.
How can you overprotect a two-year-old? Don't worry; you're doing a great job and you sound like a wonderful mother. Don't worry about the co-sleeping... they move out of your bed eventually. My kids didn't do grandparent overnights until they were 5 or 6 years old, and they started with friend sleepovers at 9 or 10. No one rocks their college student to sleep or has a 30-year-old crawling into bed with them. He will grow up before you know it. I do think that your reasons for wanting to be a doting mom are a little bit concerning, but not your mothering in general.
This child is TWO not a baby. Yah it really is possible to spoil a 2yo, and often very hard for the parent to undo at a later time.
.... What 2yo doesn't toddle?
The only way a 2 year old could be spoiled is if the parents bought toys and treats every day or every time they take the baby to the store -- but even then it isn't likely going to ruin the child if they do so.
Certainly you cannot spoil a baby under age 2 with too much time and attention and love. If the baby is with the parent 100% of the time, and is less than 2 years old, that is far from being spoiled. That's actually pretty common.
I know first hand that many children who actually seemed clingy even at age 3 grew up just fine, became independent by the right ages, are now grown, married and moved away -- perfectly normal. My nephew was like that, he couldn't leave his mother's side even by age 3, had never been left with babysitters, but he did fine in school even at age 5, grew up, joined the military and left home -- just fine.
My niece has a mother who literally hovered over her constantly when she was under 2 -- she would follow her around, make sure she didn't have anything in her mouth like a leaf, would constantly change her clothes so she would be clean. She's now in middle school and quite independently-minded. Very sweet, very unspoiled.
No one needs to worry about an under 2 year old being spoiled from too much parental time and attention. They are babies for such a very short time, there is no reason to hurry them along.
And with co sleeping how do you ever cuddle with your so or get it on with a child always in bed with you.
You leave the kid in the bed and go do it on the living room floor or dining room table. <evil grin>
OP, you're not being overprotective at this age (the following the kid when he's with his dad is a little weird, but it sounds as if you got over that) but you are at least aware of your unresolved issues over the death of your own mother, so you probably should address that. You don't want to REALLY overprotect the kid when he gets older because of your hanging onto heavy grief from the past. When your son turns the same age you were when you lost your mother, you are going to feel it the most. I have a couple of friends who lost parents as childen (at ages 8 and 9 respectively) and when their children turned those ages, they had a difficult time because they saw themselves at that age again and looked at their children as they themselves once were.
But do continue to be aware and be careful. My friend's best friend was murdered when they were eight years old--raped and killed by a neighbor. This same friend was herself molested by a friend of the family, and she's never dealt with it in therapy or anything (and her parents are still friends with the man who molested her--they have no idea what he did.) She horribly, horribly overprotected her daughter to the point where she crippled her emotionally, and I believe it's now too late to help this girl. She is 21, didn't finish high school because her mother always did her homework for her, never learned to ride a bike or skate because she was never allowed to go out and play, and when she hit the age her mother was when she was molested, the mother started shoveling food into her to make her fat and unattractive (everyone else could see this, the mother can't), and now the girl has a terrible weight problem besides. She has no job and probably never will, just sits in her room and watches TV and eats, and her mother did this to "protect" her.
Just saying, monitor yourself. You don't want your fears to harm your child worse than anything real life could do.
You leave the kid in the bed and go do it on the living room floor or dining room table. <evil grin>
OP, you're not being overprotective at this age (the following the kid when he's with his dad is a little weird, but it sounds as if you got over that) but you are at least aware of your unresolved issues over the death of your own mother, so you probably should address that. You don't want to REALLY overprotect the kid when he gets older because of your hanging onto heavy grief from the past. When your son turns the same age you were when you lost your mother, you are going to feel it the most. I have a couple of friends who lost parents as childen (at ages 8 and 9 respectively) and when their children turned those ages, they had a difficult time because they saw themselves at that age again and looked at their children as they themselves once were.
But do continue to be aware and be careful. My friend's best friend was murdered when they were eight years old--raped and killed by a neighbor. This same friend was herself molested by a friend of the family, and she's never dealt with it in therapy or anything (and her parents are still friends with the man who molested her--they have no idea what he did.) She horribly, horribly overprotected her daughter to the point where she crippled her emotionally, and I believe it's now too late to help this girl. She is 21, didn't finish high school because her mother always did her homework for her, never learned to ride a bike or skate because she was never allowed to go out and play, and when she hit the age her mother was when she was molested, the mother started shoveling food into her to make her fat and unattractive (everyone else could see this, the mother can't), and now the girl has a terrible weight problem besides. She has no job and probably never will, just sits in her room and watches TV and eats, and her mother did this to "protect" her.
Just saying, monitor yourself. You don't want your fears to harm your child worse than anything real life could do.
I worked with a woman like that. She's very petite and slender -- her parents told her that she because she's so small, someone will likely kidnap her -- they told her that constantly so the poor thing is too frightened to even put gas in her car -- she lives with her parents in her mid 20s and her dad or boyfriend always does that for her, she won't drive to the next town 30 miles away unless she has her dad or boyfriend with her.
I'm not sure if the parents of this woman had a reason like that to cripple her -- they might have had real fears from some tragic event in their lives -- but they actually have set this woman up to be a victim since she's so frightened all the time.
As long as the OP takes her cues from her child and allows him to become independent, he will become independent. That's what the "terrible-2s" are about, they usually start sometime after age 2. Just don't squash him when he strives for independence and shows he's got a mind of his own. Encourage it.
Aside from hijacking the thread, it is completely irrelevant to this situation. The CHILD is 2 YEARS old. He is not an infant, and he will not die from co-sleeping with his mother. The issue here is not the co-sleeping, the issue is her overprotectiveness. The co-sleeping is just a symptom in this case of that issue.
That's IF you even believe that "co-sleeping" is a "symptom" of anything at all...which I (personally) don't...many children sleep better that way, and they ALWAYS (inevitably) end up cherishing their OWN beds when they're older...I don't feel it's being over protective AT ALL when you allow your infants and very young children into your bed at night. When you think about it humans are about the only animal I know that put their infants in a separate room, away from momma's confort, and then wonder why they cry and won't sleep.
Everyone seems to think im overprotective of my soon to be 2 year old son. I disagree. Just because I won't leave my son with certain people or take him everywhere I go dosen't make me over protective does it? Is this selfish of me? What are your thoughts on the matter?
We both had great parents, and still we never left our youngans with anyone, not even our parents, and like you, we took them with us everywhere.. they are all confidant, happy well adjusted adults..
That's IF you even believe that "co-sleeping" is a "symptom" of anything at all...which I (personally) don't...many children sleep better that way, and they ALWAYS (inevitably) end up cherishing their OWN beds when they're older...I don't feel it's being over protective AT ALL when you allow your infants and very young children into your bed at night. When you think about it humans are about the only animal I know that put their infants in a separate room, away from momma's confort, and then wonder why they cry and won't sleep.
You completely misinterpreted my post.
Co-sleeping as a parenting choice because you believe it to work best for your family is completely different that choosing to co-sleep because you need to wake up every few hours to check on your TWO YEAR OLD. The latter is a symptom of a problem.
And just fyi, my family chose co-sleeping.
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A horror story
Don't worry about the co-sleeping... they move out of your bed eventually. My kids didn't do grandparent overnights until they were 5 or 6 years old, and they started with friend sleepovers at 9 or 10. No one rocks their college student to sleep or has a 30-year-old crawling into bed with them. He will grow up before you know it. I do think that your reasons for wanting to be a doting mom are a little bit concerning, but not your mothering in general.
