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honestly, people who criticize how other people discipline their kids annoy me. And yes, I may have been one before I became a parent. Back then, hearing a mom raise her voice at a kid would make me think 'oh how horrible, how can you yell at that little adorable innocent being?". Now, I would feel sorry for the mom. I swear I was the calmest and most rational person ever before I had my son. I never lost my temper, never argued, never yelled. Over the past three years of raising an incredibly bright, stubborn and strong-willed little boy, I feel like my nervous system has eroded to the point where I'm constantly jumpy, irritable, and it's unbelievable how a three year old will so easily drive me to lose it and yell or to sit on the couch and cry out of helplessness. It's incredibly difficult, and when others butt in without helping, it's annoying.
A while ago we were going to the park, and he kept doing something on the way there he knew he wasn't supposed to - i don't even remember anymore, but in any case he was being an arse in spite of me asking him to stop several times. By the time we got to the playground he ran to the swings, which are his favorite, and I told him he wasn't getting to swing today because he was misbehaving and not listening to me. As I said, the kid is ridiculously persistent - so instead of going to play with something else he decided to hang around the swings and whine non-stop to swing to try and wear me down - even though he understood why I said no. After 30-40 mins the whining escalated to crying, at this point he didn't even care so much about the swing as about winning the battle, and of course I couldn't give in at this point. Trying to distract him or leave wasn't working, when I tried to take him and leave he got into full-blown tantrum mode, tears everywhere, the works. I physically couldn't carry him and all our stuff to the car, so I chose to just sit down and ignore him. Of course by that time all the mommies in the vicinity were looking at us and exchanging glances, no doubt thinking, not knowing the full story, that I'm an evil monster mother who won't swing her kid. Once he was full on wailing one started commenting to another that 'oh, he's so sad, it even makes me sad'; I gave her a smile and explained what was going on. Then another grandma came up and asked me why is he crying so much, then asked him "oh, why youuu saaaad? you want to swing?" which only made him scream louder. I finally got him to calm down and leave; but honestly, it was super annoying to feel judged and criticized when you're already in a difficult situation like that. I would've felt much better if there was no one around to watch and interfere. But people need to feel like they're somehow stepping in. Gah.
This really has nothing to do with parenting but yelling and screaming in public in GENERAL is classless.
Losing your cool in public and behaving like a fool yelling and making a scene is just gross.
Maybe her child would be better behaved if she acted by example and learned that there was a time and place for everything and that in PUBLIC was not a proper place to behave the way she was behaving.
Children learn from their parents, the child is acting up in the store and the mother responds by yelling out in public and causing a scene, whats the child going to think? That its ok to act like a hooligan anywhere you want to.
She could have simply told the child, "We do not behave this way out in public and LEFT the store."
If you're the perfect alien robot, round of applause for you.
For us humans back here on earth, we have feelings and emotions, and sometimes we blow a fuse. On earth this is called being"normal". I don't know what its called on other planets though.
I've yelled at my son before. I've also popped my son before. Parenting is 24/7. So if you have chastise at that exact moment, then that's what you do.
I certainly think there are degrees of what is acceptable, though. I have heard some people yell at children in a way that is over the line. You know it when you hear it. I think the theater scene described earlier was creepy and I'm glad the poster got an usher. And I still don't think anyone needs to be hitting a school-age child in the face in the middle of a busy store, no matter the circumstances. If it's taking too long, tell the girl to put the clothes down because we are leaving at that moment. Or tell her to get in the dressing room right now in your meanest voice.
Look, I have a toddler. We had an Ikea trip from HELL a few weeks ago. As bad as it got, no matter how we talked to him or took him back to the car, etc, etc, it never ever occurred to me to pop him in the face in the store. Honestly, that's just sort of crazy to me.
I never said your parenting was wrong either? Did I?
I dunno. How should I take the following?:
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris123678
Nothing wrong with scolding your child in public, but indicating that your going to "beat or switch" the child in public is the parent's fault, if you don't want eyebrows raised, then keep your mouth shut.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris123678
So let your child act a fool for the shear reason that you have no control over him?
honestly, people who criticize how other people discipline their kids annoy me. And yes, I may have been one before I became a parent. Back then, hearing a mom raise her voice at a kid would make me think 'oh how horrible, how can you yell at that little adorable innocent being?". Now, I would feel sorry for the mom. I swear I was the calmest and most rational person ever before I had my son. I never lost my temper, never argued, never yelled. Over the past three years of raising an incredibly bright, stubborn and strong-willed little boy, I feel like my nervous system has eroded to the point where I'm constantly jumpy, irritable, and it's unbelievable how a three year old will so easily drive me to lose it and yell or to sit on the couch and cry out of helplessness. It's incredibly difficult, and when others butt in without helping, it's annoying.
A while ago we were going to the park, and he kept doing something on the way there he knew he wasn't supposed to - i don't even remember anymore, but in any case he was being an arse in spite of me asking him to stop several times. By the time we got to the playground he ran to the swings, which are his favorite, and I told him he wasn't getting to swing today because he was misbehaving and not listening to me. As I said, the kid is ridiculously persistent - so instead of going to play with something else he decided to hang around the swings and whine non-stop to swing to try and wear me down - even though he understood why I said no. After 30-40 mins the whining escalated to crying, at this point he didn't even care so much about the swing as about winning the battle, and of course I couldn't give in at this point.
Give in at that point? How about go HOME way the hell up at the bolded? No wonder he is wearing you down. Instead you keep going back for more!
...
Quote:
Trying to distract him or leave wasn't working,
TRYING to leave? He is three. Pick him up and GO. OMFG.
Quote:
when I tried to take him and leave he got into full-blown tantrum mode, tears everywhere, the works. I physically couldn't carry him and all our stuff to the car, so I chose to just sit down and ignore him. Of course by that time all the mommies in the vicinity were looking at us and exchanging glances, no doubt thinking, not knowing the full story, that I'm an evil monster mother who won't swing her kid. Once he was full on wailing one started commenting to another that 'oh, he's so sad, it even makes me sad'; I gave her a smile and explained what was going on. Then another grandma came up and asked me why is he crying so much, then asked him "oh, why youuu saaaad? you want to swing?" which only made him scream louder. I finally got him to calm down and leave; but honestly, it was super annoying to feel judged and criticized when you're already in a difficult situation like that. I would've felt much better if there was no one around to watch and interfere. But people need to feel like they're somehow stepping in. Gah.
I am sorry EC, my post was not very helpful. But I am concerned. There is no earthly reason to be completely routed by a 3yo. It is likely reeducation time.
I was in Target yesterday, and heard a woman yelling at her young son. He looked about 4 or 5. She told him that if he didn't shape up, she would find a switch and beat him.
I listened to this and tried to really get a handle on what she was saying. She was definitely angry, you could hear it in her voice.
I wanted to say something to this woman, but she seemed very angry and not too receptive.
What could I, if anything, done to help the situation? I feel bad that I didn't say anything. Could I have protected this child?
As a child myself, who used to get spanked, I know how damaging this type of punishment can be. Making my parents so angry that they would spank me, damanged my own sense of self. I had no conrol over their anger. They could do what they wanted if I was a "bad girl".
Anyone have any advice?
So, you were eavesdropping...standing there, listening to this woman "get onto" her child. If you ended up in a state of distress over it, it's your fault. Sorry, but as some others have pointed out, there are children who are MASTERS of button pushing. None of your business. MOST parents threaten their children and FEW follow through. Seriously, these days...how many people can honestly say that they've EVER taken a switch to their kids?
Also, this is clearly more about you than it is that child in the store. They thought you were being a bad girl and you got spanked and you're still carrying a grudge. Maybe your parents got out of control. Maybe you're just one of those people who have difficulty accepting consequences for your actions. I don't know. None of us do. It's none of our business, really.....just as it's none of your business when a parent chooses to verbally "handle" a situation with their child. Learn to just walk away and MYOB.
As for that woman in the video, who pulled her cart and caused her child to fall on her head on the floor...what a freakin' moron. The idiot was so preoccupied with her phone call, that she couldn't be bothered to pay attention to her child OR her actions. What a MORON! However, the woman who jumped in and started screaming at her?.....just another moron.
Give in at that point? How about go HOME way the hell up at the bolded? No wonder he is wearing you down. Instead you keep going back for more!
...
TRYING to leave? He is three. Pick him up and GO. OMFG.
Logical? Yes, I think so!!! Beyotch as I am, it's highly unlikely that my child and I would have ever arrived at the park. Just TURN the car around!!!!
"FINE!! If you can't mind, it would be foolish of me to take you to the park! If you can't mind in the car, you certainly aren't going to mind me in the park. We are going HOME!"
Parents who have actually been through the wars and raised a child tend to not listen to the lectures from the childless.
I'm not trying to be mean. That's just the way it is. Before people have children they think they know everything and make a lot of grandiose plans about having the perfect, non-whining child who never, ever throws a tantrum.
They even think they'll have the child who chews with his mouth closed and doesn't poke his sister in the back seat of the car. Parents know delusional when they see it.
Even people WITH children, think they know what they would or would NEVER do, in any given situation....until their child actually DOES it....again, and again, and again....until....OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is ENOUGH!!! I have HAAAAAAAAD IT!!!!!!!! LOL
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