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Yesterday I had to crack down a little on a creeping habit among two of my older children: studying with their books and laptops in bed. Here's the e-mail I sent late last night:
"My dear children,
Just a reminder: please don't lay in bed during the day unless you're sick or napping! Doing your school work in bed is just bad form. (FYI - by 'in bed' I also mean 'on the bed', whether under the covers or on top of the covers.)
School and computer use should normally take place at a desk, table, or on the sofa while sitting in an upright position. Sitting on the floor is also acceptable. Laying on the floor is not preferred, but I may choose to overlook it if it doesn't happen too often. Or not.
If you have extenuating circumstances and need to do your school work while reclining in bed, please ask me first. I'll assess the situation on a case-by-case basis.
Boys, I'm probably going to be harder on you about this than I will be with the girls. Sorry.
William, please keep your computer at the desk, and ask permission before taking it to your bedroom. You may use it in the living room or dining room without permission if needed.
These rules apply to those of you over twelve years old. If you see that your sibling appears to have forgotten these rules, please gently remind him. Help each other out.
I appreciate the cooperation!
- Your loving father"
And this morning, I received a reply from my college-bound daughter:
"Does this apply only to school? Also, you say reclining; does that include sitting? so....is it permissible to sit (or lie?) on my bed and read or write non school??"
To which I responded:
"No, it doesn't only apply to school, but to all waking hours.
Yes, I mean to include sitting on the bed as well.
Here's the deal. The parenting goals are as follows (just in case you become a parent someday):
1. Civilization: When you're up, you're UP and ready for anything. In bed you're not ready for anything.
2. It's not good for older children to habitually isolate themselves in their bedrooms without some necessity. Why not? They can't be easily found by parents and siblings: we forget they're here. They're harder to supervise and keep track of. They don't learn how to deal with annoyances. They are less available to help with the family when needed. They forget about other 'eyes' nearby and, perhaps, forget what they're supposed to be doing.
3. The bed is too comfortable. You don't have any reason to move - to stretch your legs, go for a walk, get that blood circulating, etc.
4. For boys, it just seems effeminate. When I see a kid under a blanket on the bed I want to bring her hot chocolate and maybe a kitten. But you should help set the example for ....
5. William. All of this is mainly about William, so that he doesn't feel singled out for persecution, and he can't say 'but you let Rachel do it!'
Having said that, if I didn't see this every day, if it only happened now and then, it wouldn't bother me. But it's becoming habitual and the habit needs to be broken.
Like I said, if you have some compelling reason, let me know and I'll give it some thought.
Thank you!"
(Names changed to protect the guilty.)
What do you think? Should homeschoolers be studying in bed? Is this an example of a tyrannical, overbearing, controlling father? Or a deadbeat softie who never should have let this get out of hand in the first place?
I got a full tuition scholarship to an elite college (almost $150,000 in total) by doing all of my homework in bed or laying down on the floor, and kept that scholarship while completing 2 majors and 2 minors in 3 1/2 years while continuing to do all of my studying, essays, and problem sets (3 or 4 hours per hour or class) from bed. My brother, on the other hand, could only ever do work while sitting at the kitchen table - and later at a desk in the library at school. He needed stimulation from other people walking through, walking around, etc. I need to be able to completely focus.
Different types of learning. If your kids are truly learning the material, what does it really matter how they do it? I would never have done so well in high school if I had been forced by my parents to do my work in the living room or dining room - there were far too many distractions (mostly coming from my very social brother).
]I got a full tuition scholarship to an elite college (almost $150,000 in total) by[/b] doing all of my homework in bed or laying down on the floor, and kept that scholarship while completing 2 majors and 2 minors in 3 1/2 years while continuing to do all of my studying, essays, and problem sets (3 or 4 hours per hour or class) from bed. My brother, on the other hand, could only ever do work while sitting at the kitchen table - and later at a desk in the library at school. He needed stimulation from other people walking through, walking around, etc. I need to be able to completely focus.
Different types of learning. If your kids are truly learning the material, what does it really matter how they do it? I would never have done so well in high school if I had been forced by my parents to do my work in the living room or dining room - there were far too many distractions (mostly coming from my very social brother).
Excellent response.
My daughter could easily study and work in bed while my son always needed to be sitting at a desk or table. While they were in high school we only had one computer, which was in the general family living area, so that wasn't a problem.
P.S. My daughter also enjoyed having one or more kittens/cats in bed with her while she studied.
I got a full tuition scholarship to an elite college (almost $150,000 in total) by doing all of my homework in bed or laying down on the floor, and kept that scholarship while completing 2 majors and 2 minors in 3 1/2 years while continuing to do all of my studying, essays, and problem sets (3 or 4 hours per hour or class) from bed. My brother, on the other hand, could only ever do work while sitting at the kitchen table - and later at a desk in the library at school. He needed stimulation from other people walking through, walking around, etc. I need to be able to completely focus.
Different types of learning. If your kids are truly learning the material, what does it really matter how they do it? I would never have done so well in high school if I had been forced by my parents to do my work in the living room or dining room - there were far too many distractions (mostly coming from my very social brother).
Yes, minimizing distractions is important. If one's home is high-decibel anarchy everywhere but the bedroom, that's what I would call "extenuating circumstances".
But we have a fairly large house, no television, and reasonably well-behaved children. There's a special room with three desks set apart for school, and another little nook with a desk behind the kitchen. And one does need to learn how to manage a certain amount of distraction when studying. It's an important life skill.
I doubt very much that studying in the horizontal position, by itself, had anything to do with your success.
If I were to find a note like this lying on the street, I would sincerely hope it was an exercise for a creative writing class, just a chapter in a novel. A novel about a tyrannical, overbearing, controlling father like The Great Santini who is doing more harm than good and inculcating his children with his own harmful prejudices.
As for studying, the goal is learning. The methods and style vary from person to person.
If they worry too much about HOW they study, the goal is diluted.
I homeschool and I don't care where my kids do their work as long as it gets done. Homeschool should be comfortable and flexible. I mean that's one of the perks of it, right? We still spend plenty of time together with their activities and life skills lessons.
As for studying, the goal is learning. The methods and style vary from person to person.
If they worry too much about HOW they study, the goal is diluted.
^^ This ^^
Quote:
Originally Posted by WesternPilgrim
What do you think? Should homeschoolers be studying in bed? Is this an example of a tyrannical, overbearing, controlling father? Or a deadbeat softie who never should have let this get out of hand in the first place?
I think that if someone else had posted this, you'd be decrying the use of e-mail as a means of communication, rather than TALKING to the children face-to-face.
But to answer your specific question -- yes, it's an example of a tyrannical, overbearing, controlling father.
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