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We have an issue with two kids at my daughter's school and the principal has recommended mediation. During after school care my 8 year old daughter was pinned to the playground equipment by a girl and a boy. They said they would keep her pinned there 'til she cried.
Two weeks later our daughter told us about the incident. My wife talked to the after-care providers (located in the school) and let her know what happened. I'm not sure that the kids were talked to.
A week later my wife was walking down the school hallway and this little girl is with her mom. The mom smiles at my wife and the girl immediately looks down at the floor with a smirk on her face. We do not know the parents but have known this child since kindergarten (they're in third grade now). My daughter is now afraid to be around this girl. My daughter is very sensitive and quiet. After I heard about the hallway occurrence with my wife and daughter I went to the principal and told him what was going on. He wants to do a mediation with the kids this Monday. My wife had talked to the daycare woman and she said doing the mediation could make our daughter more of a target with these kids.
Both my wife and I were picked on as kids, me moreseo than she. I am of the mindset that I will not put up with this type of behavior at all. In addition I want the parents of these children to know what happened. The principal assured me he's talk to them. He also told me that he's surprised by this as the other two kids have never had any problems at school. Well there's a first time for everything, eh?
So my question is, should we go through with the mediation or drop it? I don't want my daughter picked on and know that I can only do so much for her...however no matter what I will protect her at all costs.
How do I help my daughter gain the confidence she needs to stand up for herself? I see so much of myself in her and being afraid of standing up for myself at that age. If I talk to her about this topic or try and help her learn how to protect herself she begins crying because she's afraid.
My suggestion is to follow the Principals desire to go into mediation the first round....I would ask that the school counselor be present as well as they often are more "in the trenches" than the Principals are. Tell your daughter that sometimes talking about something with someone that's bothering you is a good thing, it helps them see how your feelings have been hurt and how they might feel if someone did this to them. As a parent of the "bully in question" I would like to be brought into this and learn about my child through mediation rather than when things really got out of control.
No one likes their child to be bullied, it is very, very traumatic......but your daughter needs also to know that there are "solutions and ways" to deal with this other than just fear. It will make her stronger and help her have a sense of control over the situation. Many times being bullied is having NO control and that is not a good place to be.
Give her a hug from Ozark Nana! I've been there with this same issue with my youngest son....
We have an issue with two kids at my daughter's school and the principal has recommended mediation. During after school care my 8 year old daughter was pinned to the playground equipment by a girl and a boy. They said they would keep her pinned there 'til she cried.
Two weeks later our daughter told us about the incident. My wife talked to the after-care providers (located in the school) and let her know what happened. I'm not sure that the kids were talked to.
A week later my wife was walking down the school hallway and this little girl is with her mom. The mom smiles at my wife and the girl immediately looks down at the floor with a smirk on her face. We do not know the parents but have known this child since kindergarten (they're in third grade now). My daughter is now afraid to be around this girl. My daughter is very sensitive and quiet. After I heard about the hallway occurrence with my wife and daughter I went to the principal and told him what was going on. He wants to do a mediation with the kids this Monday. My wife had talked to the daycare woman and she said doing the mediation could make our daughter more of a target with these kids.
Both my wife and I were picked on as kids, me moreseo than she. I am of the mindset that I will not put up with this type of behavior at all. In addition I want the parents of these children to know what happened. The principal assured me he's talk to them. He also told me that he's surprised by this as the other two kids have never had any problems at school. Well there's a first time for everything, eh?
So my question is, should we go through with the mediation or drop it? I don't want my daughter picked on and know that I can only do so much for her...however no matter what I will protect her at all costs.
How do I help my daughter gain the confidence she needs to stand up for herself? I see so much of myself in her and being afraid of standing up for myself at that age. If I talk to her about this topic or try and help her learn how to protect herself she begins crying because she's afraid.
This situation really hits home with me. My 10 year old son was being picked on during the ride home on the school bus, just a few weeks ago. The way I found out about it was another child told his mother about it and she informed me. Needless to say, other children on this same bus were also being picked on. I went to the principal's office with my son and the other little boy that witnessed everything and with some gentle coaxing, my son admitted to getting teased. He was afraid to fess up and when we asked him why he said he just wants to be friends with everyone. I then asked him how does it feel when you are called names and he said not good. I told him this boy was not his friend and if he was, would not be name calling. Needless to say this boy was suspended and if it happens again, we'll report it again. I 100% believe these things need to be addressed. These kids have no right to make our children feel inferior or give them low self-esteem. I think it is wrong to give a 3rd grader so much power and if you don't deal with it, someone else will be a victim. Jeannie
You are going through my worst nightmare. I was tortured as a child by another girl for years. My parents tried and tried to get me to defend myself but I was very passive. It breaks my heart that this is going on with your little girl. I constantly teach my daughters to stand up for themselves, use their words and as a last resort--defend themselves with their bodies. My first reaction would be to NOT mediate because kids can be so mean--especially in an aftercare situation where there isn't that 100% on-top-of-it care but when I read Ozark Nana's post, I changed my mind. She is absolutely correct--your daughter needs to realize that there are different options and solutions. A part of me wants to say, "Do the mediation. Have the principal and school counselor there but also these parents." Having people of importance from their school as well as their parents present might make these children realize that what they did and are doing is wrong and downright dangerous.
Bad deal for her, but its going to happen. It happends everyday in schools.
I would do what youre Principal sees fit for now. If its up, then you can always go another way.
Oh Hoosierguy, I hate hearing this. I hate this for your little girl. In my honest opinion, I would be more geared to ask the guidance counselor for help with the kids and leave all parents out of the meeting. Guidance counselors just seem to have a better handle on the relationships young children. I really hope it gets better for your little one and I know as a parent how much this is hurting your heart.
Oh Hoosierguy, I hate hearing this. I hate this for your little girl. In my honest opinion, I would be more geared to ask the guidance counselor for help with the kids and leave all parents out of the meeting. Guidance counselors just seem to have a better handle on the relationships young children. I really hope it gets better for your little one and I know as a parent how much this is hurting your heart.
The only reason the principal is doing it is because the counselor is out of town. He wants to address it as soon as possible.
Awwwwww, that's so sad. I want to give her a big hug! I think it's good to speak with the principal & address this issue with the other child's parent...it will be positive for your daughter to see this (you standing up for her, and addressing the issue in a mature way). And even if you feel bad for your daughter (as I do, right now typing this); it's important that she doesn't feel like she needs to be the 'victim' in this scenario. I do think it's important to empower kids to stand up for themselves...even if you have to do some 'practice runs' at home with her. I find it especially important to do with little girls...who are often told to 'be nice and sweet'. I have two little girls (who are on the other end of the spectrum...pretty fiesty); I think that they need to understand that they have power. You want to make sure that she is the kind of girl who will speak up for herself... It's easier said than done; but it's like anything else (playing piano/ riding a bike/ etc.) practice makes you stronger...
Then I say go for it. Oh Hoosier I am so sorry to hear about all this! I pray your meeting goes well and your little girl is okay!
The hard part is that my wife is not completely on board with my thought. She wasn't happy I spoke to the principal and had this mediation set up. She wants our daughter to be safe but thinks there is a better way.
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