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I am in my early 20's and nowhere near the point of having children, although I do think about the possibility of me having children from time to time. I always end up getting stressed out when I think about having kids when I am a little older. Questions go through my mind like, what if I don't love my children? What if I don't take care of them well enough? What if I don't meet their daily needs? What if I get frustrated with them too easily? What if I regret having them?
What possibly made me start thinking about this was when I started working in a group home for disabled, adult individuals. I have to shower them, lift them up and down, feed them, change them, toliet them. They can be defiant or lag behind in certain areas. This job has become frustrating at many times and although I don't let them see my frustration, it makes me wonder if I could do this forever. There was an instance where I had to clean a bedpan and I sighed out and the individual noticed and I felt horrible. I do care about the individuals and don't neglect them, but this is also a job and I am getting paid.. If I wasn't getting paid, I'd still care for them but I would dislike almost every minute of it. I won't be working at this job forever and don't plan to.
I don't know if this job was a blessing because it showed me what parenting would be like and it gave me a foreshadow as to what my future would be like or what. I don't know.
I will say that there are many times where I go out of my way to make sure that they are happy. I give them love and hugs and cheer them on. Although there are days where I just want to quit. I can't quit in parenthood.
I am in my early 20's and nowhere near the point of having children, although I do think about the possibility of me having children from time to time. I always end up getting stressed out when I think about having kids when I am a little older. Questions go through my mind like, what if I don't love my children? What if I don't take care of them well enough? What if I don't meet their daily needs? What if I get frustrated with them too easily? What if I regret having them?
What possibly made me start thinking about this was when I started working in a group home for disabled, adult individuals. I have to shower them, lift them up and down, feed them, change them, toliet them. They can be defiant or lag behind in certain areas. This job has become frustrating at many times and although I don't let them see my frustration, it makes me wonder if I could do this forever. There was an instance where I had to clean a bedpan and I sighed out and the individual noticed and I felt horrible. I do care about the individuals and don't neglect them, but this is also a job and I am getting paid.. If I wasn't getting paid, I'd still care for them but I would dislike almost every minute of it. I won't be working at this job forever and don't plan to.
I don't know if this job was a blessing because it showed me what parenting would be like and it gave me a foreshadow as to what my future would be like or what. I don't know.
I will say that there are many times where I go out of my way to make sure that they are happy. I give them love and hugs and cheer them on. Although there are days where I just want to quit. I can't quit in parenthood.
I don't think the job shows what parenting is like at all, really.
Whether you have kids or not is very personal, but I can tell you, I worked as a babysitter from a very early age all through high school. Then, after I had my own kids, I worked at a private school for years. I ran the afterschool program and also worked as a substitute for the pre-k kids.
Being a parent is very different from caring for other people's family members, in my experience at least. I worked with kids from age 3 to 9. Some of them had personalities that really "clicked" with me and it was a sheer joy to care for them. Others, well, not so much, but I always did my job and treated them with kindness and fairness regardless.
None of it compared at all to how I felt towards my own children. The bond is just different, when it is your own child (through adoption or birth), and the natural love you feel is overwhelming. Some things are just instinctive, I think. I've changed plenty of diapers, for example, but I was always much less "grossed out" by my own kids' diapers than someone else's kid's diaper. It's just the way it works out. Doesn't mean I don't care about and wouldn't care for someone else's baby and do an excellent job of it.. it's just different somehow with your own, or one you consider "your own" (like my stepdaughter, who was 4 months old when I first met her and I've always thought of as mine).
Yes, parents feel like they want to quit probably a hundred times a week, and you are right, they can't quit, but it's not the same feeling as when it is a paid job. Because, for most parents, the natural desire to put the kids' well being first takes over.
I think that these kinds of doubts are as natural as the ones I had when I was expecting my second child. I thought I'd never love the second as much as I loved the first, and that's a common fear. Of course it turned out fine, but it is a common worry.
I think that these kinds of doubts are as natural as the ones I had when I was expecting my second child. I thought I'd never love the second as much as I loved the first, and that's a common fear. Of course it turned out fine, but it is a common worry.
^Agree.
To the OP, I think that because you have concerns probably means that you probably will be a good parent! You're not taking it lightly. You know that it's going to change your life. Babies are overwelming, no doubt, but the rewards are sooo worth it.
Before I had my own children, I babysat for my niece and nephew. The love I felt for them brought me great joy. I never knew I could love like that. Then I had my own kids. Whoa. I didn't know my heart could get any bigger! Words can't describe the bond and the unconditional love that we parents feel.
It's not always a picnic. Parenting can be difficult, but that bond gets us through the tough times.
The love that you feel for your child is very different than what you feel for the people you work with. I don't want to compare parenting to owning a pet, but if you ever had a cat or dog as a pet that you loved very much you know how you feel different about your pet than someone elses. I think it is good that you know that you are not ready right now for parenting and are responsible enough to not get pregnant, accidently or on purpose. You have plenty of time to make that decision, you are still very young. I have personally never met anyone that did not love their child/children. There is so much that comes with parenting, and much of it is very fulfilling and life altering. Don't worry too much about it now, you do not feel ready, enjoy your life while you are still young and one day you may be ready, and if you choose to never have children, that is ok too.
I've done that same exact job before I became a parent. I can tell you that it didn't "foreshadow" anything. The job doesn't even show how one can be a (good) parent. All the experiences (both good or bad) from the job never came out anywhere as good as my experiences with my children. Sure there's a lot of actions that are similar-- but it's just not the same overall. The diapering for example is only for a couple years at most-- and just never came out as stinky as an adult's. Dealing with a defiant child still is much different as the child isn't bigger and the power of strength isn't the same.
If anything, that kind of job makes one aware of the realities of some children. Where some children will always be someone's ward and they're perpetually vulnerable. It made me utterly sick to know what some of my clients went through... and I have no idea what it feels like for the parents (if they were even still alive and/or involved)-- except for the fact I don't want to be in their shoes.
I am in my early 20's and nowhere near the point of having children, although I do think about the possibility of me having children from time to time. I always end up getting stressed out when I think about having kids when I am a little older. Questions go through my mind like, what if I don't love my children? What if I don't take care of them well enough? What if I don't meet their daily needs? What if I get frustrated with them too easily? What if I regret having them?
What possibly made me start thinking about this was when I started working in a group home for disabled, adult individuals. I have to shower them, lift them up and down, feed them, change them, toliet them. They can be defiant or lag behind in certain areas. This job has become frustrating at many times and although I don't let them see my frustration, it makes me wonder if I could do this forever. There was an instance where I had to clean a bedpan and I sighed out and the individual noticed and I felt horrible. I do care about the individuals and don't neglect them, but this is also a job and I am getting paid.. If I wasn't getting paid, I'd still care for them but I would dislike almost every minute of it. I won't be working at this job forever and don't plan to.
I don't know if this job was a blessing because it showed me what parenting would be like and it gave me a foreshadow as to what my future would be like or what. I don't know.
I will say that there are many times where I go out of my way to make sure that they are happy. I give them love and hugs and cheer them on. Although there are days where I just want to quit. I can't quit in parenthood.
That job might show you why you don't want parents getting old and disabled.
A child's body is very different than an adult's body for one, bathing an infant is entirely different than bathing an adult, diaper changing a baby is completely different.
A baby becomes more and more independent but dependent adults become more dependent. In a way you do quit parenthood -- in 2-3 years a child is potty-trained, in 4-5 years the child can tie his own shoes and dress himself. Plus a baby hearing you sigh would probably laugh and giggle because it doesn't have the same embarassment that an adult might have.
But -- occassionally parents have to face something gross, clean up vomit or a nasty diaper which might give you the dry heaves.
As I grew up, I wasn't the type of person who felt that "natural" pull of motherhood. I didn't look lovingly at babies or other people's kids and ache to have my own kids. Some women do, but I never did.
Once I met the right man and the time was right, we decided to have children and it was, and still is the most wonderful decision we ever made. (our children are now in their 20's) Being parents is heart-melting, incredibly rewarding, but can also be worrysome and heart-wrenching at times. If we had the choice to do it all over again would we have children? Yes, in a heartbeat!
I totally respect people who decide not to have children. It is a huge decision, and not every person wants to be (or should be) commited to a lifetime of being a parent.
There is NO comparison to having your own child, feeding, bathing, changing diapers, wiping snotty noses, etc, to working in a group home caring for adults.
The love you feel for your own child is the fiercest and strongest emotion you will ever have in your life. I would die for my children and if it came right down to a life and death situation, (heaven forbid) I would kill to protect my children.
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If I wasn't getting paid, I'd still care for them but I would dislike almost every minute of it. I won't be working at this job forever and don't plan to. 
Because, for most parents, the natural desire to put the kids' well being first takes over. 
