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And that is exactly what I and others have been saying. If you want to succeed, if you want to be on a high powered career track, then think twice about having kids. Because you cannot do both. I am glad someone finally came out and said it: the more flexible the job, the less rewarding the job, the less marketable you are, the less advancement, etc.
And let's be frank. Do we women go to college, go to grad school, get into student loan debt just to have a "less than ideal" job or career? No we do that in order to climb the ladder. But moms can't keep climbing. Eventually they hit a rung where the kids force them to stop climbing.
This is exactly what the physician who posted a while back was saying. Why bother killing yourself with school to have that high powered career if when you have kids, you have to give it up?
Because getting an education is about more than vocational training. It helps you develop critical thinking skills, exposes you to the breadth and depth of the humanities, and helps you become a more well-rounded, knowledgeable person. It also demonstrates to your daughters that there is more out there for them than getting their MRS degree.
And that is exactly what I and others have been saying. If you want to succeed, if you want to be on a high powered career track, then think twice about having kids. Because you cannot do both. I am glad someone finally came out and said it: the more flexible the job, the less rewarding the job, the less marketable you are, the less advancement, etc.
And let's be frank. Do we women go to college, go to grad school, get into student loan debt just to have a "less than ideal" job or career? No we do that in order to climb the ladder. But moms can't keep climbing. Eventually they hit a rung where the kids force them to stop climbing.
This is exactly what the physician who posted a while back was saying. Why bother killing yourself with school to have that high powered career if when you have kids, you have to give it up?
I have found this to be true - especially as a single parent. I had a job I loved but it was way too much travel.
I eventually found a job that I liked - with extreme flexibility - working from home, etc. I had no regrets.
Now that my son is getting ready to go to college - I'm wondering if it is too late to ramp up my career again.
Sigh. It probably is. I do think that parents have to make some choices. I feel lucky that I found a decent job with decent pay that allowed me all the flexibility I could ever ask for. BUT, I had to step down from my management job to get it.
This is an extremely depressing thread for women. I am in my 2nd year of law school and I have to wonder whether I will be able to have the career I want if I also want children. I don't know if anyone goes to school and gets into debt just to work a 9-5 dead-end job. That's certainly not my plan. In fact, I'm going to have to work a lot more than 8 hours a day in order to pay off my student loans. That's what high-paying jobs demand. Loosey-goosey jobs that are extremely flexible usually pay less. Regardless, why should women who decide to have kids be relegated to mediocre jobs?
And the lawyer in me thinks it's atrociously unfair to allow lawyer mothers to work less hours than lawyer non-mothers and pay them both the same.
What a sad, sad state of affairs for working mothers in this country.
This is an extremely depressing thread for women. I am in my 2nd year of law school and I have to wonder whether I will be able to have the career I want if I also want children. I don't know if anyone goes to school and gets into debt just to work a 9-5 dead-end job. That's certainly not my plan. In fact, I'm going to have to work a lot more than 8 hours a day in order to pay off my student loans. That's what high-paying jobs demand. Loosey-goosey jobs that are extremely flexible usually pay less. Regardless, why should women who decide to have kids be relegated to mediocre jobs?
And the lawyer in me thinks it's atrociously unfair to allow lawyer mothers to work less hours than lawyer non-mothers and pay them both the same.
What a sad, sad state of affairs for working mothers in this country.
Don't get too depressed. I know plenty of working/mother/attorneys. They have great back-up and a supportive spouse. I'm sure they are also exhausted and not getting enough sleep. But that would happen in the 9-5 job too.
PS: I was determined to be active in my son's school - one of the reasons I took the job with flexibility. I just had to be on the Executive Board of everything. While you don't HAVE to do these things - it definitely benefits your child in school in their younger years. Would he have survived just fine without all that - Yep.
Great back up is key because I know attorneys often travel for depositions, court hearings, etc. It can be done but not without some sacrifice - learn to get by on little sleep. When my mother was still living - I could still have the job that required travel, etc because she was always there. It was harder when she died.
Put in tons of hours before you have kids.
Watch the movie or read the book 'I Don't Know How She Does It'. Lots of humor but some truth too.
Know that sometimes choices have to be made. Can you be a great brain surgeon AND a great, involved parent? I don't know; I just don't know.
Dunno if anyone saw these but seems like the "new era" of flexible workplaces is in a downward spiral. I'm not surprised. There's too much discrimination and abuse when these policies are instituted. Generally a nightmare for employers.
I asked my 21 yr old son if my working made it difficult for him while he was growing up. We lived in a middle-class neighborhood and he literally did not know any kids with a SAHM, so he really had no frame of reference.
He said that my job made me a more interesting person. I would come home from work and tell the family stories from my work day. He already knows more about banking that most adults I know, lol.
I think the fact that I didn't coddle them made it easier. By the time both of my boys were 10-11, they could make their own breakfast and/or lunch, do their own laundry, vacuum, mop, etc. I would tell them, "The more responsibilities you take on, the more privileges you will have. That's what the real world is like."
Like other posters have said, maintaining the household was a family function, not something heaped on one person. (Eventually that person will turn into a raging beeotch!) My older son now lives with his birth father. He says he is the best roommate he has ever had. He does housework, prepares meals, cleans up after himself and is pleasant to be around. I'm sure if I was waiting on him hand and foot while he was growing up, this would be a different story.
Dunno if anyone saw these but seems like the "new era" of flexible workplaces is in a downward spiral. I'm not surprised. There's too much discrimination and abuse when these policies are instituted. Generally a nightmare for employers.
Yes, I 've definitely noticed this. But it's also important to note that these are companies on the verge of irrelevance. These moves have been highly criticized and are perhaps a way to initiate soft layoffs.
I asked my 21 yr old son if my working made it difficult for him while he was growing up. We lived in a middle-class neighborhood and he literally did not know any kids with a SAHM, so he really had no frame of reference.
He said that my job made me a more interesting person. I would come home from work and tell the family stories from my work day. He already knows more about banking that most adults I know, lol.
I think the fact that I didn't coddle them made it easier. By the time both of my boys were 10-11, they could make their own breakfast and/or lunch, do their own laundry, vacuum, mop, etc. I would tell them, "The more responsibilities you take on, the more privileges you will have. That's what the real world is like."
Like other posters have said, maintaining the household was a family function, not something heaped on one person. (Eventually that person will turn into a raging beeotch!) My older son now lives with his birth father. He says he is the best roommate he has ever had. He does housework, prepares meals, cleans up after himself and is pleasant to be around. I'm sure if I was waiting on him hand and foot while he was growing up, this would be a different story.
Love this story!
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