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Tel him it's rehab or the curb. Rehab would also get him credit w/ his case. He might even begin to get it when he sobers up. I don't care what people say...substances change your brain. You have to have a measure of sobriety to start thinking clearly. And, they are all gateway substances. Don't kid.
Aren't there court ordered UA's...Here people are on 24/7 You have got to report to the blood test folks w/in 2 hours, after they randomly call you...and it better be clean or you are off to the pokey. But, seriously, if you are paying for a phone, cut it off.
It is hard to toss a kid out, it is hard to live w/ this type situation. Its too bad he isn't on bond w/ a bondsman.
And, some kids need more help with job searches. Drive him around looking...Give him some help. He'll either find a job eventually, or you will at least know you did everything you could if he doesn't stop the behaviors.
Last edited by JanND; 02-14-2013 at 03:48 PM..
Reason: edit text
Ok I'll bite, is he going to sign the lease? Let's see, he most likely does not have a credit score, and he does not have a job either so an apartment cannot base his eligibility for an apartment on his income. His parents will have to sign or co-sign which means they are entering into a contract agreeing that if their son does not pay the rent, they will deal with the cost, and if they do not deal with the cost then their credit score is on the chopping block. Do you get it now?
The parents are most certainly *not* going to have to co-sign a lease for their delinquent son.
His choice is he lives at home under their rules or he needs to figure out other living arrangements. His choice.
This is a no brainer. Your son is an adult and engaging in illegal activity while YOU are supporting him. When he's out slangin' his drugs, take all of his stuff, move it outside on the lawn and change the locks on the door. I might leave a note saying, "If and when you stop dealing drugs, we might be able tore-establish a relationship." Then again, I might not even leave a note.
YOU are enabling this behavior. You're supporting a lazy son who won't even work or attend college. You know he sells drugs but still support. In my view, your enabling of him is almost as criminal as his activity. Man up and toss him out of your house. PERIOD.
Ok I'll bite, is he going to sign the lease? Let's see, he most likely does not have a credit score, and he does not have a job either so an apartment cannot base his eligibility for an apartment on his income. His parents will have to sign or co-sign which means they are entering into a contract agreeing that if their son does not pay the rent, they will deal with the cost, and if they do not deal with the cost then their credit score is on the chopping block. Do you get it now?
To me, the attitude that a few expressed is that of an enabler: "Well, he isn't a drug dealer, he is selling a little to his friends to support his habit." Seriously people, selling makes him a dealer and what he is selling is drugs, illegal drugs. I would not have paid the $500.00 and my son would have known better than to call home and/or ask for it since we had a talk about it. You need to let your kids know what will happen in advance. Everything I said was always a "promise" and my child knew that I met what I said because I always followed through on the good and on the bad.
To me, the attitude that a few expressed is that of an enabler: "Well, he isn't a drug dealer, he is selling a little to his friends to support his habit." Seriously people, selling makes him a dealer and what he is selling is drugs, illegal drugs. I would not have paid the $500.00 and my son would have known better than to call home and/or ask for it since we had a talk about it. You need to let your kids know what will happen in advance. Everything I said was always a "promise" and my child knew that I met what I said because I always followed through on the good and on the bad.
LOL true dat.
When my son got arrested for drug paraphernalia at age 18, he didn't even call me! The POLICE DEPARTMENT called me. When I asked him why he didn't call to ask me to bail him out, he told me, "You always said that if we actually were arrested for something we really did do, don't bother calling and asking you to bail us out. So I knew better than to call."
Ironically, I was really proud of him at that moment.
He spent four days in jail. It was a real turning point in his life. For the better.
If the parents have to pay a few months for his rent then they will have to duh??
Uhm... no they don't duh??
I've never met a landlord or property management company that would "sorry we won't take your check on our tenant's behalf because you're not on the lease!"
No, parents don't have to get him an apartment, give him money, co-sign a lease, etc. That's just more enabling.
Put his stuff outside the front door with a list of local shelters, rehabs, church missions, etc. pinned to it.
He won't starve, there are places for help.
It's then his choice to go get help, get a job and save up the money for a place of his own. Or he can go stay with his druggie friends. He's an adult- his choice .
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