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Not without DNA testing. May be a vindictive comment, but if she ("daughter") refuses I will not be including her in my will.
She just wants to meet you, who she believes is her father. If her mom is fairly certain that you are the father and both are not expecting any financial support from you, why bother with DNA testing? Is there any reason to suspect that she wants to be included in your will? Unless you are very wealthy and already in your deathbed, what's really wrong with just meeting someone who is possibly your daughter?
My brother denied being the parent to a young girl.
18 years later this young girl finds out she has a older sister by a different mother. The two girls met and they are darn near twins.
My brother could not deny his being the father to her.
Well, since the mother apparently seem to be involved with other men around time OP was with her, I think it's very reasonable for him to ask for a DNA test. Makes for less mess (... well, for him).
I can understand the OP not wanting to meet the "daughter"... Why put the time into someone who may not even be the "daughter". If the girl had a clear understanding that there may be an off-chance that he's not her father, but still wants to meet him for lunch with no expectations, then go for it. It doesn't sound like that's the situation.
It sounds like a rotten situation for the girl. I certainly hope it's not a heartbreaking situation for her either way.
The meeting will start a possible attachment for either of you. I do feel sorry for the girl though. Maybe she realizes what a pathetic mother she had and hopes for a better Dad, no matter who it is.
DNA test before anything period, if you want to see her at all ever. If she's like her mother, meeting could be dangerous. At very least, never meet her alone. You are not aware of her mental state. Assume the worst, hope for the best. Always "Cover Your A*s" legally first.
animosity? I don't honestly see why. Your ex let you off the hook. You don't seem to mind that you weren't involved 20 years ago. It doesn't seem like your ex asked for anything from you. Your daughter has no blame in any of this. Why would you feel hostile?
The man doesn't even know if the child was his. His request for a paternity test was refused.
The tone of your posts suggests that you already know what you want and came here looking for people to support the decision you already made.
And your responses also make me think that if DNA testing did reveal that she is your child you would still resent a relationship with her. Basically, it sounds like she may represent a period of your life that you wish was over for good.
I can't tell you what to do because we defintitely have different feelings towards these things. If it were me I would have jumped when the child contacted me and had a test scheduled ASAP. I would have expressed thoughts and emotions of happiness and wondering about their life. Again this is just from the tones of your replies, I do not know you, but it sounds like you were reserved and possibly hostile when she contacted you. Remember she is still basically a child and this is a HUGE thing for her, she thinks she's contact Dad.
Honestly, I think it'd be better for her if you just said I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested in a relationship. Easier on her emotionally than stringer her along while you try to do "what's right" even as you secretly resent it or want no part in it. She'd sense the resentment and wonder what she did to cause it.
My father was also lied to about me. I didn't meet him until I was in my late twenties because I was adopted as an infant. He offered to get the paternity test & cried when he apologized to me for not getting it when I was born. How do you form a relationship with family who is like a stranger? Very slowly. With lots of effort to show compassion & understanding.
You need to start taking responsibility for your part in this, whether she is your daughter or not.
YOU made the mistake of not demanding a paternity test back when you found out she was pregnant. Even if the mother was sleeping with ten other people, you still walked away from a child that was potentially yours. If you had sex with her mother, stop trying to convince yourself it isn't possible that you have a daughter.
If she did lie about having an abortion, I understand you are very angry at her for that. However, taking your anger out on the child is not right. Stop corresponding with the mom since you hate her so much. Only talk to the daughter & offer to pay for the paternity test until she agrees to have one.
Try asking without making it seem like you are throwing her mother under the bus or want one so you can deny her. Understand she will take her mothers side because she is the one who has always been there. Tell her you made a mistake not getting one back when she was first born, but you want to do the right thing now.
You knew when women are pregnant, they usually have babies. & even when they say, "I'll take care of it" that sometimes **** happens. Feelings & other family members are involved. You chose to "let her take care of it" on her own without follow up.
& honestly, you should apologize for that.
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 02-19-2013 at 06:43 AM..
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Don't agree to meet with her without DNA first!
