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I made the request more than once. Lawyers told me I could not compell a test since I was not on the birth certificate and she made statements to the effect I was not the father.
I suppose I could have snatched the kid?
This is not right... it doesn't matter WHO is on the birth certificate. If you actually spoke to lawyers at the time the child was born they would have pointed you to the punitive father registry & if the mom tried to deny your claims, a paternity test would be ordered.
But you didn't speak to lawyers at the time, did you?
This is not right... it doesn't matter WHO is on the birth certificate. If you actually spoke to lawyers at the time the child was born they would have pointed you to the punitive father registry & if the mom tried to deny your claims, a paternity test would be ordered.
But you didn't speak to lawyers at the time, did you?
Yes I did. I spoke to two different lawers in 1992.
EDIT: Just read all 5 pages.
OK, I see some of the rational behind what has happened, and not happened in the last 21 years. You and the Mother were essentially strangers, and she got pregnant. She has sort of dangled the child at you occasionally, without allowing any real connection. I know how hard it is to be involved in the life of a child that you are essentially denied. Another man on the BC, back in the day there would have been little recourse, especially since the Mom didn't want you involved. Those days were not the days of social media we have presently.
Well, most people would be bitter and hurt. I think if you do want to meet this child, you need to get some real advice and put your anger for the mother aside. It didn't help that the daughter made that statement....Move past all of this. The reward will truly be greater than the grief you endured. Best of luck
We were NOT strangers. We had been dating 6 moths and engaged for another 4 months. During that 10 month period she never completely broke it off with two previous relationships and continued to see me. YES I knew she was still hanging with these other guys. But that was my decision to continue our relationship.
She told me on 4 different occassions through out the relationship she was pregnant. Once said she even had an ultrasound done and it was a boy (during our first 4 months together).
So when she told me in August 91 she was pregnant as she walk out the door (figuatively) I said call me and our lawyers will get together for the DNA. I never heard another word until 1997 when she shows me some picture and says this is your "daughter."
I again said give me your contact number and I will arrange DNA, set up support and we can work out a custody arrangement.
She screams that ain't going to happen cause she will swear in a ourt of law I am not the father and she has alt least two other guys who will swear they are the father and one of them is listed on the birth certificate.
There is some reason why this has come up now. The "daughter" refuses to meet, only wants to tell me how greaty her life has been and that whatever I think of her mom she will never change her miond about her.
I have no desire to convince her how psycho her mom is. NOT my concern. But why or what am I to think if she doesn't want to meet? Hmmmmm.
This situation makes no sense. Four years after she had the child she showed you a picture, said it was your daughter and you did nothing. You claim she "disappeared" but if you really were interested in what was best for the child, you would have found her or done everything you could. Instead, you carried on with life as if nothing happened. You said she showed you a picture of the 4 year old and "disappeared." If she disappeared and you had no idea where she was, when did all these threats of having you arrested for stalking take place?
Now you get an email that it's time to meet but it seems you want nothing to do with this stranger. But then you go on to say you want to talk about fathers that have been denied their kids and how you are not alone in that situation. You could have done something about it. You didn't. Then you say she doesn't want to meet after all but just tell you how wonderful her mother is. Your post conjures up an image of you getting an email that says:
Dear Dad, My mom is the greatest thing in the world and you can't say anything to change that. Sincerely, Daughter
There is a lot missing from the story we are getting here.
That was her original message--I HAVE DECIDED IT IS TIME WE MET. After one conversation she said she did not want to meet. I asked what she wanted to happen next and she said she didn't know.
The greatest mom in the world was mentioned in the conversation we had after she said she wanted to meet.
And yes there i smuch left out. This was not intended to be a poll, nor a solicitation for advice. It was started to generate discussion about the issue of children coming into one's life after any contact has been denied after XX years, 21 in this case.
Your posts reek of disdain. Do this kid a favor and stay the heck away from her if you can't put on your big boy panties and grow up. If you really and truly want to step up and be a positive influence in her life, then get some legal advice, and work on the relationship between you and her.
Sorry if the advice you are getting on this thread are not to your liking.
My dad signed his rights away when I was an infant. My mom moved us to another state. He always knew where we lived and when I was around 9, began calling. He would have his step-daughter ask for me then hang up after I got on the phone. This changed when I was 13. He told me who he was and I didn't believe him. We did 'meet' eventually. It broke my Moms heart. Seriously.
My mom had done the best she could but we were poor. Really poor.
My dad had a new family and was doing really well and had been for many years.
His early rejection and abandonment left me hurt and then angry.
Suppose it is all moot..Mom sent a copy of the birth certificfate and it is not my name on the document.
Somethings never change.
So did the person whose name is on the birth certificate have to pay child support?? The child did not create this problem. I would definitely do the paternity test. There may be questions of health issues down the road for the girl or her children.
Guess the law has something to do with that. When you are not on the birth certificate and the child's mother denies you are the father in a court / deposition there is little recourse.
What I do not understand is how a woman can fight and threaten to keep a child from her father?
BS. The courts will INSIST on a paternity test before granting/taking away rights, etc. They are not going to rely on words spoken in a depositon when a DNA test is easy and cheap to complete.
Sorry - not buying it.
Look, you didn't want anything to do with her then and you don't want anything to do with her now. No one can tell you how to feel ~ but at least be honest about it. You have no interest, period.
Your posts reek of disdain. Do this kid a favor and stay the heck away from her if you can't put on your big boy panties and grow up. If you really and truly want to step up and be a positive influence in her life, then get some legal advice, and work on the relationship between you and her.
Sorry if the advice you are getting on this thread are not to your liking.
100% what Zimbo said. I'm not sure this poster is capable of 'stepping up'.
Laws vary from state to state. A baby is born, mom is unmarried. She puts some guy down on the birth certificate. Some Guy doesn't argue the point. Who is going to pay for paternity testing just because Some Other Guy with no legal connection to this baby strolls up and asks, when another man is paying the bills, and Mom not talking? I fully understand how it could have happened in the first place.
As for NOW, forget the mother.
What you have to deal with is a young woman who has heard you vilified up down and sideways, and is spoiling to defend her mother the minute she gets on the phone. I recommend one more conversation with her, that starts off "your mother, and whether she is a saint or a sinner, does not matter between us. You may be my daughter. I would like to find out, and if you are, we can get to know each other."
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So did the person whose name is on the birth certificate have to pay child support??
The child did not create this problem. I would definitely do the paternity test. There may be questions of health issues down the road for the girl or her children.