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Is a babysitter not an option? I know it wouldn't help with dad's apparent lack of interest, but having someone come by a few hours/wk, can be sanity saving for a SAHM who doesn't have extended family around to help. A neighborhood teen, or college student could even come over, and keep the child occupied on a weekend morning so both parents could sleep in, or relax for few hours.
Yes. I was answering the supposed difficulties of "Playing with the baby all day" when playing with the baby all day isn't necessary in the slightest. BTDT, babies/toddlers don't require your time all the time. They require a safe environment.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-01-2013 at 02:40 AM..
But for some, going to work also means being around adults, having adult conversations some of the time and a kind of break from housework. I does mean more work but it's not every waking minute doing the same basic routines. I think many working women are actually happy to see their kids because they actually missed them while they were at work and look forward to getting home.
My sister was on the verge of divorce because she wanted to be a perfect mom which meant a SAHM to her. She would look forward to her husband getting home so she could talk with an adult but after an exhausting day at work, all he wanted to do is come home, eat dinner, crack open a beer and sit in front of the television, relax and fall asleep.
She decided she couldn't take that kind of life anymore, decided before a divorce, she needed to get established in a career which she did and she would come home after an exhausting day at work and just want to eat dinner and then crack open a beer and sit in front of the television and fall asleep. It didn't help her get much housework done but she says she began to understand her husband better and it saved her marriage.
Sometimes what you need is to experience what the other person goes through. My suggestion for your SIL is hire a housekeeper. Then the job does help the housework get done, serves the purpose of allowing you to be around adults and you can spend your time with your kids when you're home and not worry about mopping the floors.
I think moms are different from dads. As a WM, I looked forward to seeing my kids in the evenings and on weekends. I filled that time with them. I missed them. I'm not sure dh ever really did. I think working and supporting a family is a big part of what many men think a good father is and it is something that is necessary to raise kids and important.
Something I saw a lot of when my kids were small was dads at the park with the kids at 5:00. It seemed like the norm was for mom to dump the kids on dad as soon as he got home. I'd much rather be a WM looking forward to seeing my kids at the end of the day than a SAHM who can't wait until dad comes home so she can dump them on him. As a child, I'd rather have too little time with a mom who wants to spend time with me than too much time with a mom who's tired of spending time with me.
One thing people do not realize is today's version of the SAHM is a new invention. 100 years ago, mom had too much work to do at home to spend much time on the kids. It's only been with the invention of the washing machine, dishwasher, super market (100 years ago, you canned your own vegetables you grew in your garden), the refrigerator/freezer, the microwave, no wax floors, non stick pots, clothing that doesn't have to be ironed, they dryer, birth control (a big one)....the list goes on and on... It's a new thing that moms have even had enough time to worry about this stuff. The problem isn't what dad is/isn't doing, it's that mom has too much idle time on her hands. It's just the way it is for SAHM's today. They just don't have the workload of their great grandmothers. Families are smaller and countless hours of labor have been removed from our week by labor saving devices.
As moms we need to worry about what we do and let our dh's worry about what they do. They're adults. They'll figure out what works for them.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-01-2013 at 02:37 AM..
Something I saw a lot of when my kids were small was dads at the park with the kids at 5:00. It seemed like the norm was for mom to dump the kids on dad as soon as he got home.
You never know, though -- in my house the pressure for daddy to go out and ride scooters/go sledding/go to the playground after work comes from my daughter, not me, and always has. Even when I was at home and my daughter and I were doing that sort of thing a lot.
(Periodically we'll have a conversation that goes like this -- Me: "You know, you're welcome to relax after you get in." Him: "Well, I know that, but she's not going to be asking for me to take her for that much longer.")
Yes. I was answering the supposed difficulties of "Playing with the baby all day" when playing with the baby all day isn't necessary in the slightest. BTDT, babies/toddlers don't require your time all the time. They require a safe environment.
Then you missed the point.
No one was making the point that you had to play with them all day and entertain them endlessly.
We were just talking about the 'fun' of doing so.
Have playpens been outlawed? Plop him down in the playpen and have some time to youself. You and your son don't need to be connected at the hip.
Right?
Though my son HATED the playpen and wouldn't spend a single moment in one. Still won't.
Easier to put him on the floor at my feet or just invite him to help me with whatever I'm doing.
Luckily, the dog entertains him, too.
Have playpens been outlawed? Plop him down in the playpen and have some time to youself. You and your son don't need to be connected at the hip.
Well, her son is 3. A little too big for a playpen.
My son is also 3. All children are different, but my kid has the attention span of a gnat. I can set him up with playdoh, coloring books and markers, his train set, etc., and he'll play with everything for about 10 minutes before he's "All done!" The only thing that keeps his attention is playing with Hot Wheels cars and watching "Olivia." So that's what we do. I feel less guilty about him not doing anything super educational because he goes to day care and does crafty crap there (I'm a WOHM). LOL But it is hard to keep him busy on the weekends when we need to do stuff around the house and can't take him to the park or whatever.
On the other hand, I have a friend who's 3-year-old is very much into imaginative play. He sets up little scenes and can spend forever just playing by himself and making up his own stories.
My son has zero attention span when it comes to playing with a toy and entertaining himself that way, but he can spend FOREVER exploring places. That's his thing. Exploring, touching, climbing, etc. The problem with that is that you have to watch him the whole time...not very many interesting places to explore that aren't piled up with dangerous stuff everywhere. Even when we go outside, he is forever trying to put perfect choking size acorns in his mouth. Mud, grass, flowers...I don't care about those things. But dog poop and acorns in the mouth...uh, no.
When we were at the beach, I thought he'd play in the sand. Yeah. For five minutes. Then it was off to try to climb trees. At 14 months old. And only the trees surrounded by sharp rocks. *smh*
Starting with this. She does not get to decide how he prioritizes. Chances are he will develop his relationship with HIS child in his own good time.
.
Really? Is he also going to decide when he develops his relationship with the dirty dishes or the dusty carpet? Some things can't wait. And that includes child care. Especially when the alternative is playing video games.
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