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Tikaram, honestly, it was hard. I could go into more detail but I won't. My issues with the OP is that she refuses to change. She could change some things about her routine, but she won't. She has more time alone than most of us had, and she didn't complain about a lack of involvement from dad until it started to impact her. When her family was picking up the slack she either didn't notice or didn't care that her husband wasn't involved enough.
The ONLY person we can change is ourselves. Demanding others, we are in personal relationships with, to change to suit us is a prescription for disaster. Unfortunately, we appear to have a generation of parents who think everything has to be their way. I'm guessing that's because they think they are special? I don't know what they think but it's kind of silly. You can only change one of the people in the relationship and that is yourself.
I have to laugh a little too...I had twins and zero support from family. They were 600 miles away. I was a SAHM, and DH had to adapt...he thought I was going to do everything, until I literally started falling apart from lack of sleep. That didn't last long, and he started helping. My kids were on strict sleep schedules, naptimes were sacred and bedtime never changed. And 10pm? No way! My kids are 11 and still don't stay up that late except for maybe a weekend. Thats my time. Maybe you need to step back an appreciate the what you do have, a healthy child, financial security. Enjoy this time...it goes so fast!
Maybe you need to step back an appreciate the what you do have, a healthy child, financial security.
This.
BTW: Those coal miners and peasant women? I come from generations of both. They would have thought today's mothers were nuts to complain about the life they have. (No peasant woman digging potatoes to feed her family even dreamed about going to the gym a couple of times a week. And she didn't sit with her child until he went to sleep. She put him to bed and then fell asleep herself from sheer exhaustion. She also knew kids were perfectly capable of entertaining themselves. Tying him to the bedstead was to keep him from toddling outside and falling into the well.)
So sorry you're tired...except nobody said "the good ol' days of parenting were "great". They were just honest and doing what you had to do.
By the way, who told you you're entitled to "great"?
Just because it's 2013, that doesn't give you a God-Given right to blow bubbles with jr. all day long. Perhaps the fact that the OP is having the problems she's reporting (she's far from singular in this world of "great" parenting)...could be the Universe's way of letting her know that the right to "great" doesn't exist?
Where does the "blowing bubbles" come from that you are posting ad infinitum? Just because you choose or chose not to do anything meaningful with your kids does not mean the rest of us are so inclined. I take my role as a SAHM pretty seriously, it's my job, and I do a LOT more than blowing bubbles. I'd be happy to provide you with a list of you'd like?
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa
The stalking part?...Again..."shot from the heap from a cheap person".
That part just didn't have the effect you were counting on, no matter how badly you want to "get even".
Guess why?
Umm, what? I guess it's lost in translation, or a case of mixed metaphors.
Where does the "blowing bubbles" come from that you are posting ad infinitum? Just because you choose or chose not to do anything meaningful with your kids does not mean the rest of us are so inclined. I take my role as a SAHM pretty seriously, it's my job, and I do a LOT more than blowing bubbles. I'd be happy to provide you with a list of you'd like?
Oh, stop! You know you sit on the couch all day eating bonbons and watching Spanish telenovas.
Honestly, (certain) people need to stop devaluing SAHMs. It's clear your choice is to focus on your career. And that's fine. But, please, for my own edification....tell me, what is it that you do all day that is so important you feel the need to be so snide and condescending to SAHMs?
My father told me his biggest regret in life was his failure to provide emotional and loving support to his wife and children. At the time, he thought he did. Yes, he was a wonderful provider. Above and beyond. He just didn't get the importance of establishing his own "real" relationship with his children. We would have been thrilled ig he would have "run around and blew bubbles" with us. He retired at 50 years old and pursued his personal passions....basically, by himself. My mother is busy with her pet projects and his children are busy with their lives and families.
Unfortunately, my husband is not as involved as I would like him to be. He's a wonderful provider and a great man, but he leaves me to do 95% of the parenting. I tried over the years to encourage him to invest more energy in our daughter, but he doesn't understand. He is kind and generous with her. But she needs more of HIM. Neither of them fully understand it yet, but I do.
He drives her to school most mornings. He has done this since kindergarten. She is 15. I have insisted on it. Now, it is their routine. I can't tell you how many working mom's gave me crap about it. They could not believe he even agreed to it. Whatever.
To the OP, get your husband involved! For his sake and your son's sake. Find something he will enjoy doing with your son. If it's only a 20 minutes a day, so be it. Just back off. Don't interfere.
I completely understand your issues. I know it is exhausting being on the clock 24/7 and making ALL of the decisions regarding your child's well being. It isn't easy to figure it all out by yourself. Trust me, I know. I would suggest you enjoy your role. Babies grow quickly. When your son is in school, you will get more breathing space.
Im going to agree with poster above. My dads bigges regret is working too much and not withnding enough time with his kids. At one point my husband didnt even see his kids because he worked till after their bedtimes. I was beyond stressed and angry too. The only thing that changed it was counseling. After two years of counseling, my husband finally helps. He gets home by four pm. He helps with dinner and baths etc. Is it perfect? Not. Does he try to regress to his old ways? Definitely. Its a long process that takes a lot of patience but is worth it in the end.
Are we at the point where we all hold hands and sing "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man on the moon...?"
Sorry, I just couldn't help myself at this point. Maybe OP should put that on loop when her husband is home
Whoa, that's intense! Of course, like everyone, I've heard that song, but I'd never listened to the whole thing, I had to look up the lyrics because I was confused. That sucks, no one should have regrets like that, I've always said that one of the best things about feminism is that it has also allowed men to change, become closer to their families, and be allowed to show feelings.
I've seen the sheer joy my male friends, and family members take in their children, to be honest I can't think of any fathers I know who aren't completely in love with their children, and happily spend hours and days with them every chance they get. I didn't realize that so many men are still missing out, I'm quite upset to hear this, for their sake as well as the children's. It's true that most of the women I know have careers, and the dads knew going in they were expected to be parents in every sense of the word, but my SIL, and my mom were both SAHM and my dad and brother were always very involved parents, they got out of housework, not parenting.
Last edited by detshen; 03-08-2013 at 08:06 PM..
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I don't know what they think but it's kind of silly. You can only change one of the people in the relationship and that is yourself.
