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Whoa, that's intense! Of course, like everyone, I've heard that song, but I'd never listened to the whole thing, I had to look up the lyrics because I was confused. That sucks, no one should have regrets like that, I've always said that one of the best things about feminism is that it has also allowed men to change, become closer to their families, and be allowed to show feelings.
It might be because I am pregnant but between that, Major Tom, and Lightning Crashes, I need to turn off the radio or else my kids will wonder why I am bawling.
No one SHOULD have those regrets, except those who brought them upon themselves. I feel bad for parents who, due to work and actual responsibilities, can't spend as much time with their kids as they want to - but to opt for frivolities instead of quality time with your family... meh. Don't be surprised if there is no bonding.
I love my dad. He's a great guy.
I wish he would have spent more time with us when we were kids.
Thankfully, I get to spend time with him now (as adults).
But as a kid, I always wondered when daddy was coming home.
Or when he was home, when was he going to finish his magazine and play with us?
My mom said that when I was 2, I ripped up all the magazines in the house so when he came home he couldn't bury his face in them.
You know, sometimes I think we get so caught up ...maybe it's the mom part of us? Sometimes a poster just comes on here needing to VENT. Sure, it's great to try to help out and give advice, but instead of making such a huge deal about it, perhaps once in a while...it's a great idea just to say, "Yeah....vent away. I've been in your shoes...AM in your shoes"
Are we at the point where we all hold hands and sing "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man on the moon...?"
Sorry, I just couldn't help myself at this point. Maybe OP should put that on loop when her husband is home
Sorry, easy to write that, on a nice computer, in a warm living room, surrounded by the comforts of home. Which is provided by someone going out and earning money. Few of us have the luxury of a trust fund.
1. Reality, someone has to bring home the bacon.
2. Workign can be exhausting, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
It seems to me, the OP expects her husband to spend his limited "free time" doing things he may not want to do. Cut the guy some slack.
Agreed, there is a balance in a family. But when I was a SAHM, I worked myself to the bone to have a, "perfect" home, so my spouse came home and relaxed. My spouse worked long hours, and I did not expect him to come home and start "Daddy Time" immediately. That seems to me a set up for some major resentment, frustration, and a man, who may seek relaxation some place else, with less demands.
I agree that when someone comes home from work, they should have some wind down 'me time.'
That's just important for anyone.
But to take entire evenings and days away from your kid because 'that's just not how I want to spend my free time' is really obnoxious and calls into question why this person wanted to be a parent in the first place.
Im going to agree with poster above. My dads bigges regret is working too much and not withnding enough time with his kids. At one point my husband didnt even see his kids because he worked till after their bedtimes. I was beyond stressed and angry too. The only thing that changed it was counseling. After two years of counseling, my husband finally helps. He gets home by four pm. He helps with dinner and baths etc. Is it perfect? Not. Does he try to regress to his old ways? Definitely. Its a long process that takes a lot of patience but is worth it in the end.
As the daughter of a man who often worked two jobs, I'll disagree. It's not quantity time you need, it's quality time. My dad was there when I needed him. THAT is what mattered.
I remember coming home from my afternoon job (around 11:00 PM) to see dad eating dinner having just gotten home from his second job. I was upset because the boy I liked asked another girl to the dance. Dad sat up and talked to me until the wee hours of the morning (the next day was Saturday, a work day for him). Then went to work on only a couple of hours sleep the next day. THAT's a dad. I know he worked two jobs but that's not what I remember. I remember the dad who would sit up with me until 3:00 in the morning just because I was experiencing my first heartbreak and then get up at 5:00 and go to work and never once complain. I really miss him.
I can see regretting putting a job before your family but that's not what my dad did. He worked two jobs for his family. However, that didn't stop him from being a dad.
I agree that when someone comes home from work, they should have some wind down 'me time.'
That's just important for anyone.
But to take entire evenings and days away from your kid because 'that's just not how I want to spend my free time' is really obnoxious and calls into question why this person wanted to be a parent in the first place.
A lot depends on the age of the child here. Men tend to want to spend time with kids as they get older. Women tend to like playing with the baby. If dad views spending time with the child as baby sitting or a chore, do you really want to force the issue? Do you really think that will foster positive father/child interactions?
I'm willing to bet, if it happens, that he wouldn't be the first guy who had little interest in his child as a toddler to coach the little league team when his son was 9. It's not that unusual for men to just not be into babies and toddlers and there are plenty of years for bonding over activities he would be interested in to take place. The jury is still out on this one.
The real problem here isn't dad not being father of the year. It's that mom wants a break. Maybe she should get a job and use the money to hire a nanny and a housekeeper.
A lot depends on the age of the child here. Men tend to want to spend time with kids as they get older. Women tend to like playing with the baby. If dad views spending time with the child as baby sitting or a chore, do you really want to force the issue?
I'm willing to bet, if it happens, that he wouldn't be the first guy who had little interest in his child as a toddler to coach the little league team when his son was 9.
I don't think that's actually true as much as you think it is.
Being a woman doesn't automatically make baby time more fun.
And I'm sorry that anyone would find spending time with their kid at any age a chore.
Or that people on this forum (and elsewhere) seem to think 'it's not interesting' is an excuse males get to use to not do the tough child rearing and just do the 'fun stuff.'
That's so lame.
I don't think that's actually true as much as you think it is.
Being a woman doesn't automatically make baby time more fun.
And I'm sorry that anyone would find spending time with their kid at any age a chore.
Or that people on this forum (and elsewhere) seem to think 'it's not interesting' is an excuse males get to use to not do the tough child rearing and just do the 'fun stuff.'
That's so lame.
I'm just talking about tendencies when I observe families around me. I see dads getting more involved when the kids are older. Dad's whose wives work tend to be more into the babies but I think that's just because they have a lot of solo time with the kids out of necessity.
It's one thing if dad likes playing with the baby. It's another to force interactions that aren't going to be pleasant. Let things play out as they will.
Also, there is a tendency for mothers to just take over and not realize they push dad out of the way. This is another reason that two working parents can result in more equal parenting between mom and dad.
I do, however, think that, in general, women are more into babies than men. Girls grow up playing with baby dolls. That's not the norm for boys. I enjoyed my babies. Dh enjoyed them in little doses. As they got older, and could do more, dad got more involved. It worked out fine.
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