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I take it you haven't read what the husband is doing. He has an "easy" job, and when he comes home, opts to do things other than spending time with his kid. Cut the guy some slack on actually parenting? I don't agree with a lot of what the OP is saying, but her husband could likely step up his game.
You did read the part about dad spending 90 minutes every evening with his son? Gives him a bath every night? Sounds like a fairly hands-on dad to me.
And maybe I missed it, but what's this about dad having an "easy" job? I wonder if he would describe it that way himself. He gets up every morning and puts in (I assume) at least an 8 hour day plus commute, so let's say at least 9 hours. I doubt that any SAHM of one child "works" for 9 hours a day. I certainly didn't do 9 hours a day of housework and childcare, even on my days off when I worked outside the home 4 days a week.
You did read the part about dad spending 90 minutes every evening with his son? Gives him a bath every night? Sounds like a fairly hands-on dad to me.
And maybe I missed it, but what's this about dad having an "easy" job? I wonder if he would describe it that way himself. He gets up every morning and puts in (I assume) at least an 8 hour day plus commute, so let's say at least 9 hours. I doubt that any SAHM of one child "works" for 9 hours a day. I certainly didn't do 9 hours a day of housework and childcare, even on my days off when I worked outside the home 4 days a week.
Read her posts on the very first page. I'll quote one:
"he thinks that tossing him for 15 mins or putting him on his lap while he watches hockey qualifies as a lot of quality time together. He goes on about how he wants to do this and that with him, but when it comes down to it it's a max of 15-30 mins, and often it's 'oh well I'm too tired today', 'I didn't sleep well', 'I need to finish up some work', etc etc." That's not quality time, that's being flat out lazy.
There's much more to being a SAHM than housework and childcare, just the same as the majority of people who work don't put in a "real" 9 hour workday (unless you're a teacher, a doctor, etc). If you work at a desk, and need a break, chances are you will spend some time surfing the web, getting up and BSing with coworkers for a bit, having a coffee break. The two types of "work" are quite comparable, though I envy the working parent who is usually allowed a childless lunch break.
A lot depends on the age of the child here. Men tend to want to spend time with kids as they get older. Women tend to like playing with the baby. If dad views spending time with the child as baby sitting or a chore, do you really want to force the issue? Do you really think that will foster positive father/child interactions?
I'm willing to bet, if it happens, that he wouldn't be the first guy who had little interest in his child as a toddler to coach the little league team when his son was 9. It's not that unusual for men to just not be into babies and toddlers and there are plenty of years for bonding over activities he would be interested in to take place. The jury is still out on this one.
The real problem here isn't dad not being father of the year. It's that mom wants a break. Maybe she should get a job and use the money to hire a nanny and a housekeeper.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
A parent's job is 24/7. When does the SAHM get "wind down me time?"
I don't see how that would alleviate the problem even a tiny bit. Then you have 2 parents who come home from working all day and feel like they are entitled to some "wind down me time." Someone still has to make dinner and tend to the child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12
I never suggested she go to work. She cant anyway, I think, due to her immigration status (?).
But judging how a father should "be" with kids is another thing...if he is with them, watching tv, that is good enough for me.
The post I was responding to is quoted above. I didn't say you said it. But it was said, and I responded.
There is no evidence, and you know it. Why can't people just be honest? The thought of being a SAHM gives you the heebie-jeebies. So what, do whatever works for you, but why the incessant need to disparage SAHMs?
Again I have to ask why you insist that all SAHMs do is "play"? You know what really rubs me the wrong way with your aspersions is that I dedicate a lot of time to my children, and children at large......including your children!! My responsibilities in local organizations includes the school your very children attend! How ironic is that!
Maybe. But, it is better than a Dad who stays at the bar all night because he does not want to be home with a shrew.
That's really low and rude to imply (as you are obviously doing) that the OP is a shrew. Very patronizing and condescending to twist her concerns into that assumption, regardless of your very low standards for what constitutes spending time with your kids.
Simple denial won't make you sound any better. All of your arguments boil down to denying, attacking back with hits to the person (not hits to the argument itself) or veering off to something else - after you have been explained a point inside and out. After some women listed entire lists of chores that made it clear child play took most of their day and then defended it with "I put my child first"...now you're veering off to say "hey, wait...we don't play all day!!". So if such moms don't play all day, but neither do they have time to get household chores done and end up expecting the husband to do part of it in the evening...then what in the world do they do all day?
I am sure there is always some corner where you can "escape".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick
Why can't people just be honest?
I know!!! Oh, why - oh why!!!
I don't know...people are just bad, bad, bad instead of honest, honest, honest as you wish them to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick
The thought of being a SAHM gives you the heebie-jeebies.
Nice try, but you need to be a bit more specific.
The grandmother I mentioned, who raised me and whom I loved immensely - was always a SAHM. Granted, they didn't call them that at the time, but yes - she always stayed at home full time, never worked outside the home, she raised her boys and kept a household together, then helped my parents raise me and my siblings - and kept the household together.
Apart from my own children, I never adored any human being as much as I loved her.
So...I don't know.. maybe this should give you a clue that it is not the occupation per se that gives me the "heebie-jeebies".
If you are talking, however about the updated version of the SAHM who argues she is exhausted from so much "junior enrichment" during the day all while expecting the working partner to come home and do part of her job at the end of the day (or simply buy it, as in "frozen dinners", "eating out")...or imposing on the partner the same hysterical perception of parenting (give jr. all your free time or else you're a bad father!!) then you are right, this "updated" version of the SAHM (as in SAHM.02013) - this one DOES give me the heebie-jeebies!!
So there: "people" are honest. Your wish has just been granted.
With the caveat that I understand NOT all SAHM-s have updated themselves to this "latest version"...and those, I can assure you - have my entire respect and sympathy.
What family doesn't work better with a partner minding the needs of the ENTIRE household at home?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick
So what, do whatever works for you, but why the incessant need to disparage SAHMs?
Again I have to ask why you insist that all SAHMs do is "play"? You know what really rubs me the wrong way with your aspersions is that I dedicate a lot of time to my children, and children at large......including your children!! My responsibilities in local organizations includes the school your very children attend! How ironic is that!
Then again, we have the coolest version, "SAHM.0latest", improved with tons of nerve, the type who argues that the Universe should thank her for being SO NICE to volunteer her precious time at her children's school AND in "local organizations" ...which actually helps MY OWN children...thank HER VERY MUCH!.
This is my favorite, most updated!!!
I could assure her night and day that if she quit her volunteering activities (many of them aka "pulling strings") my children would be just as fine, if not probably better...but that would be too much to handle for this type. Her entire operating system would collapse.
Then again, we have the coolest version, "SAHM.0latest", improved with tons of nerve, the type who argues that the Universe should thank her for being SO NICE to volunteer her precious time at her children's school AND in "local organizations" ...which actually helps MY OWN children...thank HER VERY MUCH!.
This is my favorite, most updated!!!
I could assure her night and day that if she quit her volunteering activities (many of them aka "pulling strings") my children would be just as fine, if not probably better...but that would be too much to handle for this type. Her entire operating system would collapse.
You come across as very bitter, and turn every thread into an attack on SAHMs.
Zimbo wasn't looking for your thanks, but I offer mine. I know the difference parent volunteers make in our schools, and she doesn't just volunteer for her own children's school, but for the entire state. Thank you Zimbo!
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He gets up every morning and puts in (I assume) at least an 8 hour day plus commute, so let's say at least 9 hours. I doubt that any SAHM of one child "works" for 9 hours a day. I certainly didn't do 9 hours a day of housework and childcare, even on my days off when I worked outside the home 4 days a week.
