Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Teen girls are quite a bit more mature than boys of the same age. I don't see a huge difference in maturity between them.
Girls do tend to mature faster in some ways, but they are on a totally different level emotionally than 16 year old boys. A 16 year old boy in a dating relationship usually has totally different objectives and motivations than a 14 year old girl might. Personally, I would be uncomfortable with my 14yo daughter being in anything other than a friendship with a 16yo, so while I don't agree with the mother's approach, I understand her concern.
It's a totally overly dramatic. You are mad that your son is not getting what he wants even though he is nice, and trustworthy and has no motive to hang out with her other than just hanging out with her. You are throwing blame on her parents for making your son feel frustrated as if because they are overprotective of any boy being alone with their daughter, somehow they are singling out your trustworthy son and that pisses you off.
I'm not mad about anything. I'm not throwing blame at anyone. I'm not pissed off. My son asked me a question and I don't think that my advice was particularly helpful to him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach
You should be explaining to him that not everyone parents the same way and even though you are sure that what you would do in this situation is right, her parents feel otherwise. You've said many times that you haven't raised girls, so you have no idea what you would do if you were in the situation of the girl's parents. You are just hot under the collar because your son is annoyed.
He knows that different families have different rules. I am not hot under the collar. I am not sure why you think I am so angry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach
It sounds silly to me that a 16 year old needs help in dealing with this. Tell him the girl has overprotective parents and while you don't agree with their parenting in this situation, it's their call whether you can be alone with her or not. If this is a first world problem for him, he should be thankful.
I am not in the habit of dismissing my kids problems as "silly" or unimportant. If they ask for my help I try to help.
I would say "son, you simply need to decide if you like her enough to put up with/deal with/abide by her parents rules and involvement in your visiting. It is what it is."
Isn't that what you say you told him above? It's black and white, quite straightforward given the circumstances -- I think you've made it more 'gray' only because you don't agree with their approach.
I haven't made it gray at all. If you go back to my first post:
"I told him that he doesn't have any power in this situation and the he will either have to accept things the way they are or break up with her."
You guys are all ridiculous. I was going out with a girl when I was 14. You will NOT marry your 14 year old boyfriend/girlfriend. Yes, they will make out sometimes. This is harmless. It is human sexuality, which a lot of you are terrified of. You need to let them make some decisions themselves. Also, being a girl does not somehow make you more special than a boy. Being a male does not make you a predator.
My son will not go tell his girlfriend's parents they are ridiculous.
First I would ask your son for several specific examples of what he'd do differently if he had time alone with the girl. Like what is it he wishes he could do but can't because the stalker-mom is breathing down his neck. Maybe he wants to have a private conversation, maybe he wants to touch boobs, whatever it is, try to get a sense of what exactly he's missing out on by having mommy dearest ever present.
That would be way TMI for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by k9coach
All that being said, there is a good chance these 2 love birds are gonna do it if left alone together. The thing is, if this mom keeps on being so obvious that she's stalking, they'll just find another time and place to be alone, like during school hours.
I don't see him skipping school to have sex with this girl (or any girl). I don't see her skipping school to have sex with him (or any other boy). My son is a nerdy kid. He is not rebellious. She seems like a very nice girl also. She is polite and a serious student.
Well, you'll have to trust me on this. I'm the mother who was dumbstruck by my oldest son's girlfriend walking out of his bedroom one morning. She had come over in the middle of the night, and entered through his bedroom window. They were both in high school.
My youngest swore off dating in high school because every girl he dated meant drama. He did go to prom,etc, but asked girls outside of his school so he didn't have to deal with the day to day emotions involved. Now in college, he broke up with his girlfriend (who I loved) because she demanded too much of his time, and he wants to focus on school.
It isn't always the boy doing the pushing, and it isn't always the girl. Both sexes are developing into sexual adults, and there is nothing wrong with that. But, it drives me crazy to have boys pegged as always the aggressors.
This is my pet peeve also. My 16 year old broke up with his last girlfriend because he was not ready for the level of sexual contact that she wanted. I know this because my older son (19) told me.
We did not allow boys (or girls for the middle boy) anywhere but the back parlor, or the gameroom in the basement and we sent little brother down with them to bother them and keep things controlled. We would find an excuse to walk through there every half hour or so. ("Here I made you some popcorn").
This is the rule in my house also. The kids can go in the family room, living room or the theater. They can also hang out in the backyard by the pool. We check in with them every half hour/45 min with some lame excuse or another (food, drinks, are they hot/cold, etc...).
My son's complaint is that the mother parks herself next to them for the entire evening, not that she checks up on them. He is used to that.
I don't see him skipping school to have sex with this girl (or any girl). I don't see her skipping school to have sex with him (or any other boy). My son is a nerdy kid. He is not rebellious. She seems like a very nice girl also. She is polite and a serious student.
My mom/family thought the same about me(10th grade), my girlfriend'sfamily thought the same about her at the time, our friends thought the same about us. We were both nerdy in our families eyes and we were nerds, we were both very polite and nice kids. However we both ended up skipping school the period after lunch, 5th period (we were in the same class for the period, same grade).
We would go to lunch together to either her house or eat lunch in my car, things would get physical and soon the lunch hour wasnt enough time and we started skipping 5th period and both of our grades(in biology) suffered because of it, up until then we were both honors student.
Just because a kid is nerdy or they are not rebellious doesnt mean they wont have sex. My girlfriend and I were both nerdy and neither of us were rebellious but we ended up having sex, and we kept having sex to the point where if effected our grades.
This is my pet peeve also. My 16 year old broke up with his last girlfriend because he was not ready for the level of sexual contact that she wanted. I know this because my older son (19) told me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear
That would be way TMI for me.
I don't see him skipping school to have sex with this girl (or any girl). I don't see her skipping school to have sex with him (or any other boy). My son is a nerdy kid. He is not rebellious. She seems like a very nice girl also. She is polite and a serious student.
Wait I'm confused. It would be TMI to know what he wants to do alone with the girl that he can't do in front of stalker mom, but yet you make him out to be so innocent sexually. So what answer could he give that would be TMI?
On another note, I think it is a really good sign that your son is nerdy and seems to have no trouble getting girlfriends. That just strikes me as an indication he'll do well in life!
My other posts were about helping your son get alone time with his girlfriend because I thought you wanted that for him. Now I'm thinking you don't care either way and were more looking for what to tell him or how to explain the girl's parents to him?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
