Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Loss of mother. Change in primary domicile. Lots going on! This sounds difficult. If it were me, I would be seeing a family counselor to help figure out how to best help her.
You're definitly getting some good advice. I'd take it. That phone and ipod would be GONE. If she "needs" a phone when she goes to school, she'd be allowed to pick it up in the morning and turn it in when she gets home from school, but it would definitely be one with no camera. She's treading on seriously dangerous ground. You're not going to hear this from me too often, but get her into counselling, ASAP! If she's doing this type of thing at 13, imagine what the next 5 years of your life (if you HAVE that), will be like.
Good luck to you. I do not envy your position at all!
I just want to stress that taking away the technology is only a small part of the solution. If you don't address the root motivation behind the behavior, it will likely continue. The images are being sent to someone. If that person wants the images and the girl is willing to provide them but simply lacks the camera phone or ipod, there's a good chance the recipient of the images will be helpful in getting that technology to the girl. Kids find a way to do what they want. You have to get at why she wants to do this. There might be a serious issue here.
The OP states that the girl has accused her father of "doing things to her". What things did she accuse him of doing?
Definitely take the iPods and phones. No computers in the bedroom etc... Grounding her won't work. What worked for my niece was my sister took her to a group counciling session twice a week. She is now allowed to have a phone but there is no camera or text features. She can only call people. Yep, they do still make those kinds of phones
This. Counseling and restricted devices. Only let her use the phone during the day. A 13 year shouldn't have access to a phone at 1 am.
Counseling for her definitely. You can call your phone company and have the picture messaging feature deactivated on her phone. She could still take pictures but wouldn't be able to send them. You can also block her internet access on the ipod. It has parental controls for a reason.
Teach her to be better with what she sends, as "inappropriate images" is very general & loaded with bias in its' terminology. Knowing some people, sending a pretty much fully clothed pic to guys = 'lol inappropriate'
If she were my step-daughter or daughter I would not ever give her the Ipod again. She had it removed once and she knew why and knew that was not acceptable to you. She then turns around and does the same thing and worse. I also would not allow her to use the computer as well. She is only 13 and if you and your husband don't nip this in the bud now it will only get worse as she gets to be 15/16 etc.
We took our daughter's cell phone away from her last year due to misuse. While she wasn't sending pictures, she was making some inappropriate texts, taking pictures of boys on school property and making people very uncomfortable. It was a shame since we got her that phone for communication purposes....after school events and such. When we took it away, she raged and raged. Over the summer though with intensive therapy (we get in home services), she earned it back. She also got an iPod for Christmas which we closely monitor. We thought long and hard about this but she earned it and that iPod is her most cherished possession. She has so many negative things going on in her life right now that the iPod is one of her joys. She loves her music.
A few things from a parent who has been through this:
-lock everything down. My daughter has her cell phone back but absolutely no texting. She grumbles about it sometimes but we will revisit this perhaps next year. She lacks the emotional maturity right now and with all her school problems, we don't need her getting herself into hot water with the other kids.
-computers are in the basement and we have very strict internet restrictions.
-we have heavy restrictions on her iPod. We also check it quite frequently and my husband gets a report of all activity. She isn't allowed to download any apps on her own. So far she hasn't blown it aside from sneaking a game while she should be doing homework.
Again, she isn't taking inappropriate pictures of herself and sending them to people but she has done some sneaky stuff like trying to set up FB, twitter accounts behind our back. I would certainly take it away for now and perhaps let her earn it back at some future date. If she continues to do this though, I think it would be gone for good.
13 is a really tough age. My daughter has some pretty severe emotional problems...of course getting bullied at school isn't helping. She started raging towards me specifically and made some hefty accusations about me abusing her brother which she later admitted to making up to "get at me." It is a horrible age and compounded with any emotional problems, makes a parent feel quite hopeless....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
