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Hello everyone really could use some ideas on how to get my 16 yr old son back on track. He has been raised by me all his life and my fiance since he was two. All through elementary and middle school he was very respectful and a honor roll student. Now since he has been in high school he no longer listens to either one of us and sneaks out of the house every minute he gets. When he leaves he won't answer his phone or text messages from us. When he does come home, he never has an explanation of where he's been. He constantly makes comments to me well I don't drink or do drugs all I want to do is hang with my friends.This would be fine if he would ask, but he doesn't and when I punish him he always sneaks out. Something is going on with him and I don't know how to handle his smart but anymore. I waited until now to finally start nursing school, so I could raise my kids properly, but he is making it impossible for me to concentrate on school. If I could only find a way to get him to open up to me again like he use to. FYI he does have a mentor already, so that won't be a suggestion. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Take away the cellphone, video games, computer, tv from his room if he has one.
Get into family counseling. And if he could have a separate counselor, it would give him someone to speak to openly.
Many have been in your shoes and it isn't easy. But take away his toys and use them as rewards for positive behavior, but only if he will go to counseling with you.
Make sure that it isn't possible to sneak out of the house, put extra locks on his windows and such. If he keeps trying to sneak out then ground him and go through with the grounding. For example, if you take away his video games, or computer don't give them back until the day you originally planned to give them back. Also, he needs to know that he isn't the one who gets to make the rules. You and your fiance need to sit him down and talk about how he will be seriously disciplined if he continues to act up. If he does act up again, go through with the plans of discipline you three had discussed.
Or you just do what my mom did, embarrass him in front of his friends. Like if he sneaks out of the house, track him down or follow him and and embarass him on the spot.
Yup - first thing I thought of is - take away the cell phone. We didn't have them as kids - he doesn't need it
Or if you can't do that (cuz I know some parents can't handle not being able to contact their kids and know what's going on) get hi the Kid's DISNEY phone - where he canonly call you and 911...
If he's going to act like a kid, he only deserves a kid phone
Hello everyone really could use some ideas on how to get my 16 yr old son back on track. He has been raised by me all his life and my fiance since he was two. All through elementary and middle school he was very respectful and a honor roll student. Now since he has been in high school he no longer listens to either one of us and sneaks out of the house every minute he gets. When he leaves he won't answer his phone or text messages from us. When he does come home, he never has an explanation of where he's been. He constantly makes comments to me well I don't drink or do drugs all I want to do is hang with my friends.This would be fine if he would ask, but he doesn't and when I punish him he always sneaks out. Something is going on with him and I don't know how to handle his smart but anymore. I waited until now to finally start nursing school, so I could raise my kids properly, but he is making it impossible for me to concentrate on school. If I could only find a way to get him to open up to me again like he use to. FYI he does have a mentor already, so that won't be a suggestion. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I really hope that you will work WITH him, not AGAINST him. He is your son, you need to work it out without permanently putting a wedge between you and him that you won't be able to fix in the future. Look at the big picture: embrassasing him, taking away his phone, I doubt all those punishments will help in the long run. You said yourself, when you punish him he just sneaks out, so there is a clue for you, punishments don't always work.
I really hope that you and your son will get into counseling, somewhere where you can spill out everything you feel and perhaps he might do the same.
It's great that your son was such an honorable kid, unfortunately many times, the children who are relatively easy on their parents during early years are the ones who are susceptible to peer pressure later in life, because they were praised so much during their early years that they thrive on it, especially when it comes to the praises and pressure from their peers.
I think that he is having a great time with his friends and THEY are his priority now, not you. I doubt that he KNOWS or realizes or comprehends until what extent you are hurt by his actions.
If you allow this behavior to continue, you might feel more and more resentment and punish him more and more which will bring more anger from his side like: "will you STAY out of my life already!" feelings. You need to get your family into counseling as soon as possible.
Separate yourself from your anger for a minute, think about exactly what makes you angry. Is it general disregard for your feelings/disrespect towards the rules in your house? Keep the lines of communication open so you can allow him to talk to you. Keep the judgemental remarks and nagging away for a minute, get into his head.
Set-up very specific boundaries and rules and STICK TO THEM.
You are not home by dinner - you don't get to eat.
You are leaving without warnings, oops, next time we'll might just show up at and crash the party!
Do you know his friends? Do you know who he hangs out with or are they just random people? Did you ever meet them, talk to them? Did you ever invite them over?
Read my thread, with almost the same title "16-yr old son out of control". I got lots of good advice and it may help you too.
Unfortunately, my son has run away from home since I started the thread. He has been gone a week and a half. Please take steps now so it doesn't happen to you. If your son is coming and going as he pleases, then coming down hard on him will only encourage him to go somewhere else. Talk to him about what will happen if he doesn't come home, how hard it is to support himself, how nice it is to have a family to rely on, future plans, etc.
18 year old acting like the 16 year old out of control
My son decided that 17 was going to be his breakout year. Once he got his license. The disrespect for our home and our family is horrible. We have just caught him sneaking out after he just said goodnight. My husband called him and he simply said he is hanging out with friends and he'll be home in a little while! My husband told him don't bother the doors are locked. I can understand that and a big part of me agrees but another part tells me to find out where he is and go get him.
Hello everyone really could use some ideas on how to get my 16 yr old son back on track. He has been raised by me all his life and my fiance since he was two. All through elementary and middle school he was very respectful and a honor roll student. Now since he has been in high school he no longer listens to either one of us and sneaks out of the house every minute he gets. When he leaves he won't answer his phone or text messages from us. When he does come home, he never has an explanation of where he's been. He constantly makes comments to me well I don't drink or do drugs all I want to do is hang with my friends.This would be fine if he would ask, but he doesn't and when I punish him he always sneaks out. Something is going on with him and I don't know how to handle his smart but anymore. I waited until now to finally start nursing school, so I could raise my kids properly, but he is making it impossible for me to concentrate on school. If I could only find a way to get him to open up to me again like he use to. FYI he does have a mentor already, so that won't be a suggestion. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
16 year old boy is a very tough age. Some things you mention him doing kind of raise a red flag for me and I didn't see it mentioned but do you think that possibly some of the kids he is hanging out with now, being in high school and stuff, are kids that may be involved in some sort of gang or wanna be gang activity? The defiance, the leaving the house, the not answering the cell phone and the smartness are all signs of trouble. If he says he is not doing drugs or drinking and you honestly believe that, then there are other issues going on. Gang's are often one of them. Please take a look into that before it is too late. Try to see some of his "friends" that he is hanging out with. What do they look like? Try talking to the school. Find out from those that know him (administrators, security guards, school resource officer's, etc) who he is hanging out with and what kind of kids these are.
How is he doing in school? How are his grades? Is he getting in trouble at school too or is his behavior only a problem at home?
Right now I wouldn't go and take everything away if you have not been doing it so far. To him it will be an action out of your anger, rather than a consequence of his behavior. What I would do is simply sit down one day and set up a good set of house rules. Privleges that come from following the rules and consequences that result from not following them. Once completed, sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him you love him but you can not allow him to continue disrespecting you or the home. There are gonna be rules and if he wants to keep the privleges he has he will have to abide by them or else he will have to take the consequences.
If he sneaks out of the house, you will find him and drag him home if you have to. Embarrassment or not in front of his friends. And you will do whatever it takes to secure the house better so that sneaking out is not so easy.
If he is out and you call him and he doesn't pick up the phone or return your call, you will take the cell phone away.
If he is disrespectful to you, he will lose certain privileges. I.E, use of computer, TV, going out, etc.
Stuff like that. It is very difficult, I'm not going to lie to you about that but kids need and deep down inside desire discipline. It is what tells them you love them. If you didn't love them, you wouldn't care. He may not see that right away, but in the big picture of things, eventually he will see it and come to understand it.
Hang in there, stay firm yet loving with him. Set boundaries with standards and expectations and then enforce them and stick by the consequences. Structure, stability and consistency is key here. You are his mother, not his friend. He may not like you for a while, but that's okay, you are still his mother and you will still love him, but because you love him, you will be a mother and do what you have to do to make sure he turns out okay.
Just because he claims he's not doing drugs or drinking doesn't mean he isn't. He's sneaking out, he's being disrespectful. Would it be a surprise to learn he's lying, too?
Don't let him manipulate you. Kids know that we love them and are afraid of bad things happening to them. They count on our love to let them keep getting away with this kind of behavior. Set rules and consequences. If he leaves after curfew, you'll call the police. If he sneaks out when he's grounded, you'll file a juvenile complaint against him. Then do it.
I know from experience that the juvenile office would rather work with parents trying to stop problems before they become major issues and will most likely be a tremendous help in this situation. Call and schedule an appointment to meet with the juvenile officer in your area.
Some may think I'm being harsh. I just know that if I'd done those things I may have been able to get my son on track before he made the move from drinking and pot to crack and heroin. I know not all kids take it to that level, but do you really want to wait around and just hope that your kid snaps out of it on his own?
Maybe having an officer catch him out after curfew would help? Usually the police are more than willing to help keep or get kids on the right track.
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18 year old acting like the 16 year old out of control
