Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thanks for bringing this subject up, Zim. Yes, I did talk to my boys and girl about rape when I was raising them. I taught the boys that no means NO and that they were never to put themselves into a situation where they could end up being considered a "rapist"....and to ALWAYS be a protector, should they even be near what something like that was taking place. My daughter was taught every lesson possible, to protect her from anything like that happening to her, as well as being taught the same as my boys. You HELP! You PROTECT!
Same here.
My 20 year old son recently physically carried his drunken best friend (who is 21 and happens to be a girl) out of a party, put her in her van, and drove her home to our place a couple miles away because he was very worried about her. She'd just turned 21, drank too much at a party and there were mostly guys there, none of the guys were familiar to my son. She passed out in a spare bedroom with people in and one guy seeming intent on trying to be "alone" with her when she passed out, trying to get my son to go away. So, my son simply picked her up and took her out of there. This girl has been like a sister to him, they've been friends since they were in diapers.
I think maybe he remembered my story from youth about how I chased a guy out of a party with a crowbar when I found him trying to have his way with my passed out drunk friend.
So anyway, I have talked to them about rape, talked to them about my own experiences (I have been in a situation where I was nearly raped and i have been in another situation where my drink was drugged), and in general talked with them about situations that require extra caution and what to watch for and avoid. I've also talked to them about protecting themselves; boys are not immune to predators or those who might take advantage.
I think it's also important to be taught about how to watch out for friends and why if there is drinking, one person, aside from being a designated driver, should be sober enough to notice when things aren't right and should be watching out for their friends. They have definitely been taught about ALWAYS respecting a girls wishes and about how when alcohol or drugs are involved, there is no true ability to consent, etc.
I've gotten crap for raising boys in a manner that produced loving, sensitive, gentle young men who are not stereotypical (always) with regard to male gender roles, but I don't regret it one bit. All that bs about raising "sissies" has turned otu to be exactly that. Bull.
Yes, it is important they understand what it is and when it happens. I lectured my 11. y. o. in a way of giving him safety tips and such and what situations to avoid. There are just way too many creeps that prey on young children these days. Gotta educate them.
My 20 year old son recently physically carried his drunken best friend (who is 21 and happens to be a girl) out of a party, put her in her van, and drove her home to our place a couple miles away because he was very worried about her. She'd just turned 21, drank too much at a party and there were mostly guys there, none of the guys were familiar to my son. She passed out in a spare bedroom with people in and one guy seeming intent on trying to be "alone" with her when she passed out, trying to get my son to go away. So, my son simply picked her up and took her out of there. This girl has been like a sister to him, they've been friends since they were in diapers.
I think maybe he remembered my story from youth about how I chased a guy out of a party with a crowbar when I found him trying to have his way with my passed out drunk friend.
So anyway, I have talked to them about rape, talked to them about my own experiences (I have been in a situation where I was nearly raped and i have been in another situation where my drink was drugged), and in general talked with them about situations that require extra caution and what to watch for and avoid. I've also talked to them about protecting themselves; boys are not immune to predators or those who might take advantage.
I think it's also important to be taught about how to watch out for friends and why if there is drinking, one person, aside from being a designated driver, should be sober enough to notice when things aren't right and should be watching out for their friends. They have definitely been taught about ALWAYS respecting a girls wishes and about how when alcohol or drugs are involved, there is no true ability to consent, etc.
I've gotten crap for raising boys in a manner that produced loving, sensitive, gentle young men who are not stereotypical (always) with regard to male gender roles, but I don't regret it one bit. All that bs about raising "sissies" has turned otu to be exactly that. Bull.
Some people have some stupid ideas about what makes someone a man, those people are best ignored.
I'm with a very loving man, sometimes I watch him with children, animals and even our elderly neighbor whom he checks in on regularly to see if she needs help with anything, she just adores him, he's very nurturing, kind, and gentle, to me that's what a real man is like. He was on the football team in high school, and once I made a joke about asking if he was like the bully football players they often show on TV shows. I didn't mean it at all, but he was quite angry with me, he told me how he NEVER tolerated bullies in high school, and the only fight he was ever in was sticking up for a kid some real buttholes were bullying. To me that's a real man!
Your future DILs, and grandchildren will thank you. I'm sure his best friend is already thankful!
My daughter is only 2 so obviously not talking to her about rape yet but I was wondering, those parents who talked to their kids about rape, what kind of age did you start discussing it with them?
^^^.....One of the things my children were NEVER allowed to do, was go to parties. Am I a control freak? You know, I'm quite certain that a few of the other kids and parents thought so. I certainly heard plenty of, "Oh Mel, going to parties is all a part of high school. Kids have parties. It's not fair to deprive them of attending them with the other kids."
If it makes you feel better my kids were/are not allowed to go to unsupervised parties in high school either. I don't allow the kids to drink in my house either. I provide ample amounts of food and a place for them to watch movies, play video games and swim whenever they want to be here. My house is the hangout for the kids who like to socialize without alcohol or sexual activity. I do not leave them alone for long stretches. I am always coming in with food, soft drinks, or just to chat.
You would think that since I don't allow underage drinking in my house and that I insist on actually engaging the kids in conversation when they are in my house that nobody would want to come here. But the ones who are inclined to have fun without alcohol LOVE to be here. My house is never empty after school.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel
Alcohol avoidance was one of the KEY measures to keeping them ALL safe!
Agreed. I think that the teen years are difficult to manage without the added influence of alcohol.
We have tried so hard to teach our sons to be what we consider "real men." To us, real men are men who are secure enough in their own masculinity that they do not need to wield physical power over others to prove their manhood. We teach them to be respectful of women. My husband is extremely masculine yet he rarely raises his voice and certainly never raises his hands to anyone, let alone a woman. He is a great role model, yet our sons are influenced by others outside our family as well.
This case in Steubenville has caused me to have a conversation with my younger kids (the oldest is not living at home right now) that is difficult. Of course we have taught our kids that no means no when it comes to sex. I have to admit we never anticipated having to talk to them about intoxication and consent. We don't allow our kids to go to parties in HS (youngest is still in middle school) so they are unlikely to be in the presence of large numbers of unsupervised, drunk teens. However, they will go to college where this kind of thing is common.
I was extremely surprised at the amount my younger son knew about date rape drugs. He is going to be 14 later this month. It is a little disturbing that middle school kids are familiar with the idea of date rape drugs.
Your post comes precariously close to victim blaming. The talk we should have with our sons and our daughters is a different one for sure, although lets not forget that although women are usually the victims, and men are usually the perpetrators, this is not always the case, hence the need for an open and honest discussion.
You totally misread my post. Teaching older kids that when they go out to a club never leave any drink, not even a coke unattended is NOT teaching them to blame a victim, it's teaching them not to become a victim.
I don't allow them to go to wild parties in the first place, no alcohol. My sons or daughters would not have been at a drunken jock party, they would not have been at this Ohio party. My daughter woud not have been out after 11 pm as this girl was -- the rape took place well after midnight. I don't trrust 16 or 17 year olds to be simply told "no means no" and then fail to supervise them at all and allow them to drink until they drop. The alcohol and drugs were the factor here -- always will be.
None of the kids involved in that Ohio rape party had parents who were paying any kind of attention, but very likely the boys had been told no means no -- and it's true the drunken girl never did say no. They were not given a curfew, they were not given rules against drinking.
These kids were simply too young to be unsupervised. When kids living at home have rules and strict supervision, this kind of thing doesn't happen.
You totally misread my post. Teaching older kids that when they go out to a club never leave any drink, not even a coke unattended is NOT teaching them to blame a victim, it's teaching them not to become a victim.
When kids living at home have rules and strict supervision, this kind of thing doesn't happen.
Agree with all of the above.
How about giving kids great goals and something to look forward to and live for beyond the high school hurrah?
I think that is why even though we were welcome and we knew where the drinky parties were, my friends and I never went. Didn't interest us.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This girl has been like a sister to him, they've been friends since they were in diapers. 
Gotta educate them.
