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Old 04-02-2013, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,558,485 times
Reputation: 98359

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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
I cannot fathom punishing a young child for this? Don't we want out children to know about the dangers of predators and want them to talk to us? I personally never would have punished her in the first place, OP.
You cannot fathom punishing a child for disobeying?

Knowing the information is not the problem.
Continuing to talk at school about something your parents have told you to stop talking about is the problem.

That would be the punishable offense.

Of course certain topics and information are inappropriate for certain ages. Corrie Ten Boom had the best approach to it when she described how her father dealt with this issue. She said he told her that some knowledge was "too heavy" for children, and that adults must carry that for a while.

Quote by Corrie Ten Boom: And so seated next to my father in the train co...

Certainly you would not want your child's classmate sharing his version of sex ed on the school bus. It's the same thing. This child has learned something that she needs to filter. But she does not have the judgment to know when to say it and when not to.

IF the OP chose to tell her daughter to stop talking about it, which I suggested, and the kid continued to blab, then punishment would be appropriate.
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Old 04-02-2013, 10:39 AM
 
509 posts, read 584,419 times
Reputation: 747
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
You cannot fathom punishing a child for disobeying?

Knowing the information is not the problem.
Continuing to talk at school about something your parents have told you to stop talking about is the problem.

That would be the punishable offense.

Of course certain topics and information are inappropriate for certain ages. Corrie Ten Boom had the best approach to it when she described how her father dealt with this issue. She said he told her that some knowledge was "too heavy" for children, and that adults must carry that for a while.

Quote by Corrie Ten Boom: And so seated next to my father in the train co...

Certainly you would not want your child's classmate sharing his version of sex ed on the school bus. It's the same thing. This child has learned something that she needs to filter. But she does not have the judgment to know when to say it and when not to.
Disobeying what?

Like I said, I wouldn't tell my child we aren't supposed to talk about this topic.

I'm familiar with Corrie and your quote. I disagree that it applies here. No, this isn't something that children shouldn't know about. Children are vulnerable to predators. Telling this girl to stop talking about it increases her vulnerability. It's dangerous.

And I already covered the privacy part of it in my reply. I said OP should tell daughter these conversations are between them.

Children talk anyway. Did you miss that this is the whole reason she googled it in the first place? Some kids were talking about urban legends.
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Old 04-02-2013, 10:42 AM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,768,838 times
Reputation: 11122
I'm with the BIL on this one... considering how over the top society is about "believing the children," I don't blame him.

Get over your offense... it's not his fault.
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Old 04-02-2013, 10:43 AM
 
1,677 posts, read 2,477,306 times
Reputation: 5511
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
I'm with the BIL on this one... considering how over the top society is about "believing the children," I don't blame him.

Get over your offense... it's not his fault.
Given that, no man should ever be alone with any child, even his own. Who wants to live like that, and why should they?
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Old 04-02-2013, 12:26 PM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,602,195 times
Reputation: 26860
I say keep all the lines the lines of communication open all the way around. If your daughter brings up sexual predators again, talk about it with her in an age-appropriate manner like you have been. Reassure her that she can always talk to you about anything without fear of getting in trouble or being punished.

When you've calmed down, talk to your sister and BIL about it some more. You can respect their feelings while reassuring them that your daughter is not going to accuse anyone of anything. Over time, I imagine this will blow over and your BIL will become involved in your daughter's life again.

Talk to the teacher or other parents if you know them. The teacher can have a class-wide discussion about gossip and stories that take on a life of their own. If they do a unit on fairy tales or folk tales she could bring up the idea of "urban myths."

Nothing makes a scary or uncomfortable situation worse than darkness and secrecy.
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Old 04-02-2013, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Hillsborough
2,825 posts, read 6,903,270 times
Reputation: 2669
I can see the problem with the child sneaking onto the computer and googling something. I can see being surprised that your child knows the phrase "sexual predator" when it isn't something you taught her. I don't see the problem with the child either knowing what "sexual predator" means or with saying the words "sexual predator" though.

I think the BIL is overreacting.
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Old 04-02-2013, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,558,485 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Continuing to talk at school about something your parents have told you to stop talking about is the problem.

That would be the punishable offense.
I don't know how I could make it any clearer.

I didn't say tell the kid, "We don't talk about this topic." I didn't say the child shouldn't know about predators.

The biggest issue, IMHO, is the child's inability to understand how HER WORDS AT SCHOOL or WITH PEERS are harmful. That is what makes this "too heavy" for this child right now. Explaining it to her in terms of her having "heavy knowledge" that she should not share with her peers is how the Corrie quote applies.

The correct line of communication, between parents and child, stays open. The inappropriate line of communication, kid at school, should be closed.


If not = disobeying.

But whatever. It sounds like the OP is more concerned with the BIL issue, which IMHO should not be her priority.
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Aiken, South Carolina, US of A
1,794 posts, read 4,878,525 times
Reputation: 3669
OP,
I don't understand what you are upset about?
Are you upset about your 7 year old tiny little daughter getting
onto a computer and reading something that she really should not?
Or are you upset about the fact that your BIL won't be doing you a favor
any more by watching your kid?
Which one is it?
Whether you like it or not, your BIL has every right to look out for himself.
Period. You don't have to understand at all, because if you are angry at him,
you don't understand.
Men have been accused of this crime by small children for hundreds of years.
He is being smart, it's not his fault your kid got on a web site she shouldn't
have, it's your fault. It's your kid.
Don't talk about it anymore, tell her not to, and drop the situation.
Find another babysitter and move on.
The child will forget all about this, so I advise you to forget about it too.
Watch your kid from now on, it's not going to get any easier, just a lot
harder the older your child gets.
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:27 PM
 
509 posts, read 584,419 times
Reputation: 747
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I don't know how I could make it any clearer.

I didn't say tell the kid, "We don't talk about this topic." I didn't say the child shouldn't know about predators.

The biggest issue, IMHO, is the child's inability to understand how HER WORDS AT SCHOOL or WITH PEERS are harmful. That is what makes this "too heavy" for this child right now. Explaining it to her in terms of her having "heavy knowledge" that she should not share with her peers is how the Corrie quote applies.

The correct line of communication, between parents and child, stays open. The inappropriate line of communication, kid at school, should be closed.


If not = disobeying.

But whatever. It sounds like the OP is more concerned with the BIL issue, which IMHO should not be her priority.
Where did anyone say she was talking about it at school? Did miss that?

I didn't see anyone, including myself, say its ok for her to go around telling all her friends what she learned or read.
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
4,829 posts, read 8,692,464 times
Reputation: 7758
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eresh View Post
The way society is to quick to point fingers these days, I don't blame your BIL one bit.

I completely agree!!
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