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does it make any one else mad when a really skinny mom says things to daughter to make her feel fat? My daughter has a friend who asked her mother for a belly ring her mother told her"when you have something to show off" this is just the most resent comment. Now this beautiful,healthy, perfect girl is going on a diet! I just can't believe some people.
does it make any one else mad when a really skinny mom says things to daughter to make her feel fat? My daughter has a friend who asked her mother for a belly ring her mother told her"when you have something to show off" this is just the most resent comment. Now this beautiful,healthy, perfect girl is going on a diet! I just can't believe some people.
I've seen mothers do that to a daughter. Regardless of the girl's weight, she could still greatly benefit from feeling loved and accepted by her parents. Hearing words like you've mentioned and probably facial expressions to match, she will feel unworthy and it somehow takes its toll.
I think it's that same type of behavior specifically from a father that spirals a girl into bulemia and anorexia. Just my opinion from father/daughter relationships I've seen. Fortunately there aren't many fathers who do that but when they do, it's devastating.
My mom was this way with me when I was younger. She had/still has body image issues. she weighs herself daily and gets upset if she is up 1 lb (even though it goes back down the next day). She eats 1 serving of bred/rice/pasta a day.
I weighed between 105-115 when I was in HS (I am 5'0 tall) and she was constantly on me for being heavy, and telling me I needed to wear baggy clothes to cover up my large butt and large thighs. I am now 38 and it took me until about 5 years ago to finally tell her to mind her own business about my weight. I have two daughters now, and I absolutely will not make a big issue about their weight.
What has helped me is sports and doing athletic things. When I am out hiking, biking, or skiing, I feel powerful, I enjoy myself, and am not thinking of what my body looks at, only what it can do.
My mom was this way. Still is, really. She has always been naturally skinnier, plus she is shorter with a smaller frame. She used to call me "Amazon", that wasn't so bad, I don't know how she meant it but I took it as a compliment.. but she also said a lot of things that clearly were NOT meant in a nice way, always questioned what I was eating, how much I was eating, never mind the fact that I generally at the same or less than her.
I don't know if she was to blame entirely, because there were other factors at work, but I did indeed develop an eating disorder by the time I was 20, for what it's worth. I have perfected the art of ignoring her now.
My mother was ridiculously skinny when I was growing up - 85 lbs at 5'3". I was 5'0" and weighed 97 lbs till I was out in the career workforce (never had an eating disorder, I was just very active) and I remember her boasting about how she weighed less than me. I remember my aunt telling me to ignore her, and that for some people, maturity doesn't come with age. Karma got her in the end, as she is now 200 lbs after two pregnancies in her late 30s and 40s, but what does she do now? "Ugh, I looked so sick back then, and had no boobs! Look at me now!"
Seriously, I am impressed with her ability to be very self-confident, lol. I'm also glad that I valued her opinion very little at that age (still do), because thinking back on it, it was pretty messed up.
One of my former bosses was like this. She had a daughter with her first husband who was a really big guy. Tall, big boned etc. The daughter took after the dad. My boss then went onto a second marriage and had two boys. Her desk was plastered with pics of her boys but none of her daughter. Honestly, I didnt even know she had a daughter until co-workers said she did. So one day I asked my boss so where's a pic of your daughter? She said, "oh...I told her as long as she stayed heavy, she would not be displayed on my desk!" I was blown away. Seriously, I looked like this ---> I dont even think I muttered a word. Turns out the daughter eventually asked if she could live with her dad and my boss was happy to send her packing. It was very obvious this woman was glad to be rid of her daughter. Who knows, maybe she hated her ex so much that she saw too much of him in their child. All I could think of was, what a horrible person.
I completely fail to understand parents like you guys are talking about. Some parents are in competition with their own children. How very sad. I've seen it though. I knew a mother that was very tiny, married a very tall and large man and surprise surprise, her daughter didn't come out as tiny and she nicknamed her "Moose".
One guy I work with was talking about his daughter complaining that her mother - his ex wife actually flirts with any boys the daughter dates -- so much that the daughter no longer wanted to introduce her dates to her mother.
Gosh, I've dealt with this my entire life! The irony is, my grandmother did it to my mother growing up, causing her to be weight obsessed into adulthood (she's 5'5" and barely 110 lbs and still thinks she's fat), and then, all my life, both my mother and grandmother did the same thing to me. All four of my first cousins have Eating Disorders and suffer from malnutrition, and I firmly believe that had I not moved to another continent when I was 21, my relationship with food would be far worse than it currently is.
Unfortunately, I think a lot of the damage was already done during my pre-teen and teen years. However, I think I was able to 'reverse' a lot of that by moving so far away from their influence (obviously this wasn't the only reason I moved, but my relationship with my family definitely played a part in my decision to move). I just hope that if I ever have a daughter, I won't be putting her on crash diets her entire life, criticizing everything she puts in her mouth, criticizing that everything she wears makes her look 'fat', and constantly making her exercise to the point of obsession.
Looking back on my life, especially my teen years (when I was 15, I was 5'8" and 115 lbs and still convinced I was fat because I weighed more than my mother and 5'8", 98lb grandmother, thanks to my upbringing and what I experienced at home), I realize how messed up it all really was. I would never want to wish that on ANYONE else.
I really feel for the OP's daughter's friend Sometimes, mothers just have no clue how damaging their attitudes can be.
One of my former bosses was like this. She had a daughter with her first husband who was a really big guy. Tall, big boned etc. The daughter took after the dad. My boss then went onto a second marriage and had two boys. Her desk was plastered with pics of her boys but none of her daughter. Honestly, I didnt even know she had a daughter until co-workers said she did. So one day I asked my boss so where's a pic of your daughter? She said, "oh...I told her as long as she stayed heavy, she would not be displayed on my desk!" I was blown away. Seriously, I looked like this ---> I dont even think I muttered a word. Turns out the daughter eventually asked if she could live with her dad and my boss was happy to send her packing. It was very obvious this woman was glad to be rid of her daughter. Who knows, maybe she hated her ex so much that she saw too much of him in their child. All I could think of was, what a horrible person.
That is awful! Thinking back to high school, I remember a similarly awful mother of a friend.
I had a friend who was on the heavier side. She was always closer to a size 14 or so and the rest of us were single digits so while in the grand scheme of things she wasn't THAT large, it seemed like it back then if you know what I mean.
Anyway her mother was much bigger, and her older sister was the cheerleader type with the perfect figure, whereas my friend was a bit of a tomboy and a jeans and t-shirts type. I distinctly remember being at her house when her mother told her that she and the older sister were going shopping, and when my friend asked if she coudl come along the mom told her that there was "No point" in taking her clothes shopping since all she could buy for her would be huge tents anyway! Not only her own mother saying this, but a mother who was a good 50 pounds overweight herself! I felt so awful for my friend.
The craziest thing about my own mother and her comments was that if my grandmother said anything to me my mom would jump all over her case for it then do the same thing herself.
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I dont even think I muttered a word. Turns out the daughter eventually asked if she could live with her dad and my boss was happy to send her packing. It was very obvious this woman was glad to be rid of her daughter. Who knows, maybe she hated her ex so much that she saw too much of him in their child. All I could think of was, what a horrible person.
Sometimes, mothers just have no clue how damaging their attitudes can be. 
