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Old 04-05-2013, 06:04 AM
 
14,330 posts, read 10,638,443 times
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There was a thread recently about parking. I got a rep (which strikes me funny since that increases my reputation points - why a rep and not a PM) saying "speak English not the regurgitation from some parenting book". I do feel badly for the poster who cannot understand that that was English, and reasonably clear. And it was all me, if likely influenced by things I have read or attended over the years. But the main question is, what is WRONG with thinking about other people's ideas and seeing if they are applicable and helpful to you?

People in RL and on this board, my husband included which really baffles me, will fight tooth and nail to demonstrate the rightness of their position even when it is clearly a problem for them. (In my husband's case, I think part of it is that he feels I have taken on that mantle with a great deal of success, and we discuss things. So he does not need to delve into the details as long as the plans are working.) In most other ares of life, we accept the adage that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But still we do.

You hear things like I am not going to blindly follow the advice of some "expert". Well that is good! You shouldn't! Some experts tell us to do things like nurse our new born babies on a schedule, and what dimension of pvc is appropriate to hit them with at different ages. (Sad to say that these experts do resonate with some.)

The one that makes me shake my head is parents need to go with their gut. Their gut basically equates to their brain stem. Their instinct. Instinct is great for increasing your chances of survival in the wild. Eating the right berries, mating with the right mate to increase your line. Personally, to raise a capable, moral, mentally healthy person in this complicated society we have now, I would prefer to use my higher reasoning areas of my brain than the brain stem. This seems like an ... no brainer.

It is not even resistance to reading supposed experts. (I am not even claiming that they ARE experts, just that some of the material might be worth a read and some thought.) You see it here on this board all the time. I have problem X. Solution after solution, thought after thought is rejected with a can't cuz, yah but, here is why I have to keep doing the same thing I have been doing all along that has not worked.

I don't get it. Can anyone shed light? When you have been out of your tree with a problem, where have you gone for successful ideas of what to do?
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Old 04-05-2013, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,977 posts, read 12,536,955 times
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I think it comes down to personality type perhaps. Some people are more inclined to question, research, and adapt their parenting. Others are more reliant on how they were parented, and see no reason to educate themselves or adapt.


Going with one's gut is fine for certain things, as you said, but is only really pertinent in specific situations. For most others a parent needs knowledge, it's just a question of where best to obtain said knowledge.


For myself I am always questioning and adapting as my children get older and we face new challenges. I use a combination of resources, books, friends, family, this forum.
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:20 AM
 
1,677 posts, read 2,112,543 times
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I think most people are open to ideas and suggestions, but not "THIS is the one right way to do things" kind of advice. That's when they shut down. Different people, books, experts, etc. all have different ideas, and one part might suit your specific situation while another one does not. As people go through life, they try things, decide what works, what doesn't, what to try next. When it comes to parenting, a few people are ok with the way they were parented and don't feel the need to try anything different. That's fine...if it works for them. Some feel they can evolve from their parents' methods, and do things different. That's fine too. I really don't have an issue unless it's something that's clearly wrong, like abuse or neglect. But things like breastfeeding, bedtimes, vaccinations, discipline, and other heated topics, do whatever works for your kid and your family, whether it came from a book or instinct, as long as everyone is happy and healthy.

I've learned on this forum that you can put advice out there, and people can take it or not. You can also get a lot of advice, and know that some of it isn't going to work, and some of it can be worth a try. And also I've seen that sometimes people want to vent, but don't really want advice and have no intention of doing anything different. Oh well. All I can do is what I think is best for myself and my own family and hope everyone else does the same.
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
1,149 posts, read 3,857,576 times
Reputation: 1121
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
But the main question is, what is WRONG with thinking about other people's ideas and seeing if they are applicable and helpful to you?
Nothing is wrong with that. Except that for 95% of your posts, you are insulting, demeaning, and flat out rude while giving a close-minded opinion.

As for that parking spot thread, it was locked before I could contribute. I have only seen them at Babies R Us, which I never go to, but having a just turned 3 year old, an 18 month old, and soon to be an infant, I can guarantee you that a closer space to a store (minimizing the amount of time we spend in a large parking lot) would be greatly appreciated for the safety of my kids. I normally park ALL the way in the back (because like others, I try to avoid dings on my car), but when I have three to tote around, different story.

I was quite offended by your comments on how people are stupid or incompetent if they can't manage to hold everyone's hands. You could then have gone on to say something incredibly enlightening and helpful, but by that point, I couldn't care less about your opinion. You represented yourself in such a way as to make anything coming from you to be dismissed as trollish comments.

For example, I didn't even read the rest of your post. I laughed at soon as I read the above piece I quoted.
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:38 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,317 posts, read 21,446,800 times
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The reason that they rep you is that they can comment anonymously. If they send you a PM, you know who sent it.
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:42 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,317 posts, read 21,446,800 times
Reputation: 27012
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedSurprise View Post
As for that parking spot thread, it was locked before I could contribute. I have only seen them at Babies R Us, which I never go to, but having a just turned 3 year old, an 18 month old, and soon to be an infant, I can guarantee you that a closer space to a store (minimizing the amount of time we spend in a large parking lot) would be greatly appreciated for the safety of my kids. I normally park ALL the way in the back (because like others, I try to avoid dings on my car), but when I have three to tote around, different story.
If there's not one of those special spaces, you should park next to a cart corral, grab a cart from it and put the kids in the cart. That's what I did when I had two tiny kids to look out for at one time, a lot safer than trying to hold everyone's hand.
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
1,149 posts, read 3,857,576 times
Reputation: 1121
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
If there's not one of those special spaces, you should park next to a cart corral, grab a cart from it and put the kids in the cart. That's what I did when I had two tiny kids to look out for at one time, a lot safer than trying to hold everyone's hand.
I do, when those spots are available, which isn't often. My son is very, VERY well behaved in the parking lot, but my daughter (the 18 month old) wants to pull away and run. Can't even carry her, since I am almost 36 weeks pregnant, lol. Then of course my son wants a car cart... you know how it goes.

I don't know why people would be resentful to parents for these spots. I am not obese (did cardio chisel classes till morning sickness kicked in, I'm rather fit), my kids are incredibly fit (no TV in my house) which may be why they are so strong when they do try to pull away.

I will say, I wish they located parents with kids spots away from handicapped spots, maybe off to the side of the store where I could quickly get to a sidewalk. Most of the handicapped spots in my area are taken up by the elderly, and they RARELY look to see if anyone is behind their car.
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Old 04-05-2013, 02:04 PM
Status: "Happy New Year!" (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
88,644 posts, read 105,023,314 times
Reputation: 34149
So are we reviving the parking spot thread?
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Old 04-05-2013, 02:19 PM
 
32,525 posts, read 31,475,258 times
Reputation: 32393
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post

When you have been out of your tree with a problem, where have you gone for successful ideas of what to do?
I ask for advice from people I respect who have been there, done that and lived to tell the tale.
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Old 04-05-2013, 02:40 PM
 
247 posts, read 581,020 times
Reputation: 278
I always hate when people say "children don't come with instruction manuals". No, they don't, but there are thousands of books on the subject. It wouldn't hurt to crack open one or two of them. People do more research when buying a television or cell phone than they do when they're having a kid. It's annoying.
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