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I think we have a lot of common ground, but there are areas where we definitely differ, then I think I end up being the one yielding.
Some things we don't quite agree on are junk food, screen time, chores and general expectations of independence.
T.
We disagree on these issues too, but she does the grocery shopping, she is home to enforce chores and screen time (they are linked - you have to do a load of laundry or a load of dishes and finish your homework before a screen comes on). Thus, she wins on junk food because she buys it. She enforces the general rule on screen time/chores, but I may leave an extra chose like relocate the wood pile and she may allow them to substitute an alternate chore like take the dog for a walk. But those are little things.
Big things are things like does our son get to go to the $7000 rowing training camp this summer to pursue his dream of possibly rowing for the national team or in the Olympics? Or Will we take the free emu my brother found on craigslist (I lost she felt more strongly about not getting an Emu than I felt about getting one). Even should kids be compelled to attend Sunday school and church if they don't want to is a pretty big issue. Junk food? Meh, they are going to get it if they want it. Matters more when they are younger I suppose.
There are certainly differences in some parenting styles between parents and there are some things that are definitely worth discussing and talking about like religion where they will go to school that kind of thing. But, other times I see it's just "Hey your doing that wrong" really I'm feeding him oatmeal how can that be wrong. It's seriously funny so just because it's not the way you would do it doesn't mean it's wrong.
There are certainly differences in some parenting styles between parents and there are some things that are definitely worth discussing and talking about like religion where they will go to school that kind of thing. But, other times I see it's just "Hey your doing that wrong" really I'm feeding him oatmeal how can that be wrong. It's seriously funny so just because it's not the way you would do it doesn't mean it's wrong.
This is a really good point. Not all differences are bad or noteworthy!
There are certainly differences in some parenting styles between parents and there are some things that are definitely worth discussing and talking about like religion where they will go to school that kind of thing. But, other times I see it's just "Hey your doing that wrong" really I'm feeding him oatmeal how can that be wrong. It's seriously funny so just because it's not the way you would do it doesn't mean it's wrong.
It is important that oatmeal be fed to children correctly!
My husband and I have a vast world of difference in how we parent and what we perceive to be the correct way of doing so.
I think you must lead by example. Don't want the kids to leave the TV on in the living room when they go off elsewhere? Don't leave the one on in the bedroom when you leave the bedroom for hours. (Husband does this.) Don't want them to leave dishes in their rooms? Don't leave dishes in our room. (Ahem.) Etc. If you can't bring yourself to model good behavior, don't be surprised when the kids don't listen to you no matter how often you're on their backs about it. Rule #1 in my book of being a better parent is to be a better person. Start there and the rest will follow.
Another thing he doesn't get that frustrates me is that he thinks the kids (they are both boys) are developing facsimiles of himself at whatever age. I comment on how one of them has gone up a pants size and he tells me (for the 50th time) the story about how he went off to military school in 10th grade and experienced a major growth spurt and came back blah blah blah blah...I feel like if I hear him say the hated words "growth spurt" just one more time I'm gonna scream like a lunatic and fling random objects in his general direction.
But I tell you what...if we need something shot or killed or duct taped or tied or yelled at, he is THE MAN.
(disclaimer: the above only rarely applies to parenting situations.)
I don't have to worry about this, literally just yet, but we did talk about our parenting styles before we got married. I think if the differences are too much, there could be problems but not always.
We are on the same page about most things, the exception is education. My DH is less "push to achieve" than I am. But he really wouldn't fight me on it...I think.
Funny, during our process to adopt, one of the questionnaires was designed to determine parenting styles between spouses. I remember thinking how many couples were just exploring this for the first time.
I can imagine the potential difficulties...Good luck!
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). Even should kids be compelled to attend Sunday school and church if they don't want to is a pretty big issue. Junk food? Meh, they are going to get it if they want it. Matters more when they are younger I suppose.
