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Old 04-08-2013, 06:41 AM
 
1,819 posts, read 1,867,986 times
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Could he have OCD? Refusal to bathe often enough is one of my husband's symptoms. It's a control issue. These things don't get better on their own. You need professional help to address the underlying issue and you need to break him of the behavior while he is still a minor.
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Old 04-08-2013, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Greater NYC
3,178 posts, read 5,805,374 times
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I agree with the mention of control issues and/or some type of depression. While a little bit of cleanliness stubbornness is certainly not unheard of in boys this age, what you describe is NOT normal.

I like Mattie's idea of a man-to-man talk with your husband. Honestly, why haven't you done this already since it's been an issue for 'years'?? If you have and it's been ignored then it's clear that there is something psychological going on here that needs to be addressed.

Does he date? Is he interested in girls?

Lastly, I don't understand why there's no discipline for this type of behavior. This is no different than chores, responsibilities or actively ignoring or refusing what you've been ask to do or not to do as a child.
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:34 AM
 
4,253 posts, read 9,018,500 times
Reputation: 5130
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Ok, look, we have 3.5 bathrooms,
Aren't you the poster who frequents the Frugal living forum, discussing coupons and how to live frugally?

On the topic - you discuss your son as a stranger living in your house by chance. The issue didn't just arise, did it? What has been happening re: his hygiene in the last 3-4 years? I've read lots of complaints about these dis-respecting kids since they were 12. Somehow it's the systemic problem, i.e. not just theirs, - but yours.
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Old 04-08-2013, 11:05 AM
 
2,135 posts, read 4,099,542 times
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Does DS stand for....Dear Son?

If so I don't understand how your even talking about him like you are doing. You act as if he isn't even yours. He just happens to live there.

Wait till he moves out to clean his room? What are you talking about. If he is having all of these problems now shipping him out at 18 he might OD on drugs and be dead by 20.

Also your saying you used to bathe him when he was younger. Did you ever explain how to shower? Just telling him to "go shower on your own from now on". He might not even have a clue how to.

[MOD CUT: Please discuss issues respectfully].

He needs counseling or something. [MOD CUT].

Last edited by springfieldva; 04-08-2013 at 04:49 PM.. Reason: off topic/discuss issues respectfully
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Old 04-08-2013, 11:19 AM
 
14,319 posts, read 12,275,629 times
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There is something going on here. It is difficult to imagine that the other kids in his class have not given him grief for it. Whatever the root cause is, the fact that he "thought he was getting away with something" by not cleaning himself as well as the fact that you have allowed it for all this time makes it clear that you and he have some issues together. Whatever raveled this ball of yard is not going to be unraveled without help. For his sake, please seek it.
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Old 04-08-2013, 12:20 PM
 
2,631 posts, read 5,074,815 times
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There is a post in the Work Employment forum from the OP saying the son is looking for his first job. I would suggest they get this issue under control before he starts interviewing.
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:05 PM
 
32,524 posts, read 35,099,666 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I sneak into his room and find piles of dirty clothes smoldering everywhere, which I sometimes wash 2-3x, with baking soda, etc.
There's a very simple solution to this part. When he's at school you go into his bedroom, round up all his dirty clothes and wash them. Every day. Yes it's a pain in the neck and of course he should be doing this himself but considering your past posts on trouble with your children it's what you should do. No more piles of dirty clothes smoldering. YOU have washed them. One less thing to get irked about. Of course it will also be one less thing to complain about but life is a trade-off.

The whole issue of HIM smelling is something else entirely. If he does..... where's the mention that the school keeps calling you and complaining? Is this kid wealthy in his own right? If he keeps piling on the products.... who keeps buying them? If it's you...... stop. You buy him soap and shampoo and deodorant. That's it. And every soap, shampoo and deodorant you buy is no fragrance.

If you're buying him products and he's just piling them on and they make him smell even worse.... quit buying them. Soap. Shampoo. Deodorant. Done.
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:27 PM
 
10,080 posts, read 18,310,278 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by packer43064 View Post
Does DS stand for....Dear Son?

If so I don't understand how your even talking about him like you are doing. You act as if he isn't even yours. He just happens to live there.

Wait till he moves out to clean his room? What are you talking about. If he is having all of these problems now shipping him out at 18 he might OD on drugs and be dead by 20.

Also your saying you used to bathe him when he was younger. Did you ever explain how to shower? Just telling him to "go shower on your own from now on". He might not even have a clue how to.

I hope DS stands for something else. Otherwise you kind of sound like a bad parent.

He needs counseling or something. Your obviously not doing anything.

DS is a forum abbreviation for Dear Son, used when the poster does not wish to indicate an actual name,

also, dd = dear daughter,
dh = dear husband
dw = dear wife I don't know how you draw the connection that using a standard abbreviation, DS equates to being a bad parent, but at age 16 do you suggest I bathe him?
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:28 PM
 
Location: San Marcos, TX
2,570 posts, read 7,415,472 times
Reputation: 4057
You also mentioned he wants certain clothes, cares about fashion, etc. I would NOT buy him any more special clothing items, if he isn't going to take care of the stuff (I presume) you bought. He would be limited to basic/simple stuff until he started washing himself and his clothing. If he has had Axe since you first posted in 2010, where is he getting it? Maybe HE can't smell himself anymore and thinks you are exaggerating since you are the mom? My 15 year old will blow me off if I tell him he is funky but the instant one of his friends says "Dude, you need a shower" he is on it.
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Old 04-08-2013, 10:29 PM
 
Location: A little corner of paradise
687 posts, read 1,414,841 times
Reputation: 1241
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sally_Sparrow View Post
You also mentioned he wants certain clothes, cares about fashion, etc. I would NOT buy him any more special clothing items, if he isn't going to take care of the stuff (I presume) you bought. He would be limited to basic/simple stuff until he started washing himself and his clothing.
I agree with this completely. That, and gathering up the laundry every day. The general idea in my house was that I don't bargain in reverse. I'm the mom. If you want something, I get what I want first. The other idea is that I will let you do things your way, unless it's totally unacceptable, then we're going to do things my way. It goes back to choices and consequences. If you don't want to wash your clothes, there's no reason for me to buy you new ones just so you can ruin them. If you think Axe takes the place of soap, no more Axe. You can't keep your room relatively clean, you only have the bare necessities in there.

When my oldest daughter was 16, we had to really crack down on her. She "hated" me for a year, then figured it out.
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