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Parents,
I have a question. Our little guy is home with our nanny and me (I work from home) and has no older siblings and thus has not picked up hitting. He seems perplexed the few times that he has been trying to play with another little toddler and the toddler will hit. He just stands there amazed and looking. He just turned 2. He does not hit, he doesn't bite. I am concerned bc we will start him in preschool in June and I'm concerned that he will be hit by other children (bc I've seen this from time to when we've been around other children). What do we do? How can I ensure that he won't be subjected to this type of behavior? This is a serious question. Our little guy is very affectionate and likes to share and play with other children so he is not going to hit back and, as I said, he doesn't even understand the hitting by other children. Will the teachers be able to watch all children and ensure that this type of thing does not occur? What has been the experience of other parents of young children?
Yes, that is the job of the daycare teachers. It likely WILL occur, and the child who is hitting will be put in time out.
Kids will pick up hitting anyway. I have two toddlers (3yo and 18 months) and they don't watch TV. However, they do go to park, they do play with other kids. I didn't teach them; TV didn't teach them. It will happen in every day interactions.
You really can't prevent it. Kids are very impressionable, and learn from what they see. You sadly cannot shelter them forever.
Kids learn things like that from other kids. He will undoubtedly learn it from the other little boys in his preschool class. Then, by the time they go to kindergarten, most of them have learned not to hit at school or at least not to hit when the teacher is looking.
Biting is also an issue with some toddlers. The daycares usually take biting pretty seriously though.
Maybe I did not communicate properly. I'm not worried about my child learning hitting and biting. That is not currently in his repetoire of behavior and we will most certainly deal with it if it rears its head. I'm more worried about my child being hit and bitten. He is a gentle child and I just wonder if the teachers can prevent this or if it's all apologies at pick-up time that we have to get used to. Thanks.
Maybe I did not communicate properly. I'm not worried about my child learning hitting and biting. That is not currently in his repetoire of behavior and we will most certainly deal with it if it rears its head. I'm more worried about my child being hit and bitten. He is a gentle child and I just wonder if the teachers can prevent this or if it's all apologies at pick-up time that we have to get used to. Thanks.
I don't think it is really preventable - at least not hitting. It happens too quickly. At most daycares, biters will likely be removed from the school for repeat offenses, but even with me being one parent watching two kids, I can't prevent hitting. Biting would be the same thing.
Oh my god my sister was the world's worst parent of a toddler . She sent her son to pre k and he had been biting other kids at this point for awhile. Her older child came home and told her that the teacher said that if her son bit someone again she was going to have to ask my sister to remove her son from pre k . Well my sister being the sarcastic witch she has always been told her daughter "well you tell mrs beane that I will teach Johnny Lee to bite her" . I was floored at my sister and she looked at me with that what look . I told her she needed to get her head on straight and stop her son from biting it aint right . She told me to go home .Some kids bite and some kids hit , it is a phase they go through . Your son will need to learn to deal with it his way or let his teacher handle it .
Maybe I did not communicate properly. I'm not worried about my child learning hitting and biting. That is not currently in his repetoire of behavior and we will most certainly deal with it if it rears its head. I'm more worried about my child being hit and bitten. He is a gentle child and I just wonder if the teachers can prevent this or if it's all apologies at pick-up time that we have to get used to. Thanks.
I understood. But the only way to keep it from happening to him is to keep him at home and away from other kids, and that wouldn't be good for him in the long run.
You probably won't even hear about the hitting at school from the teachers, they'll tell you about bites because those usually leave a bruise, but they won't tell you if another child hit your son, unless he got knocked over or hit in the eye or something serious. Your son may tell you about it, but it will take him a while to even learn the names of the other kids to where he could tell you who hit him and you could talk to the teacher about it.
Oh my god my sister was the world's worst parent of a toddler . She sent her son to pre k and he had been biting other kids at this point for awhile. Her older child came home and told her that the teacher said that if her son bit someone again she was going to have to ask my sister to remove her son from pre k . Well my sister being the sarcastic witch she has always been told her daughter "well you tell mrs beane that I will teach Johnny Lee to bite her" . I was floored at my sister and she looked at me with that what look . I told her she needed to get her head on straight and stop her son from biting it aint right . She told me to go home .Some kids bite and some kids hit , it is a phase they go through . Your son will need to learn to deal with it his way or let his teacher handle it .
We were talking about biting once at work; a number of people were very judgmental towards the parents (read: mothers) of the biters. One woman started laughing and said "Mine were the biters!" It happens.
I would say that teacher didn't handle the situation well, either.
I have a 2yo son who began daycare ("school") last year. Unlike my daughter (now 12, but was a hitter/biter as a toddler), he is very laid back and gentle, so I was pretty horrified when the first note came home notifying us he had been bit in class. Things like that never phased me with my daughter because I knew she had either incited it, or would quickly defend herself. But my son? It worried me. As a mom and a former teacher, here is the best advice I can give:
1. Enroll him in a preschool that has a low teacher:student ratio. This lowers the likelihood of a lot going on outside of the teachers' vision/knowing.
2. Read the school handbook to see how aggression is handled in the classroom.
3. Write a friendly letter to his teacher. Express your excitement (as well as first timer nervousness) about your son joining his/her class. Add some helpful details (for example, "he finds ______ especially soothing"). Bringing a dozen donuts or some muffins goes a long way, too. You want to develop a relationship with these people.
4. Spend a little time in the classroom when you can. You will get a feel for the environment and notice how hands on the teachers are with the little ones.
5. If you want to mention your concern directly, do so. Acknowledge that you understand the teacher can't be everywhere every single second and that you know the children are learning how to interact, so you know hitting will happen. Tell him/her that your son doesn't defend himself and you just want him to be safe.
Building a positive, cooperative relationship with the personnel in your son's school is critical. When you do this, teachers will be more likely to share more information with you and be more receptive to your concerns.
A few things to avoid-- 1. Do not try to engage the teacher at a time when he/she needs to be looking after students. It is rude and selfish. Ask him/her when is the best time to chat. 2. Only speaking with the school about complaints. Definitely be sure to acknowledge the positives.
I hope your boy has a wonderful preschool experience!
We never experienced hitting in preschool. Maybe you will be lucky too.
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