Middle School Principal says strapless gown not allowed at dance (toddler, 13 year old)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think people have different ideas of how that discussion should go. Some would discuss what type of dress is allowed and why. Some would discuss why the rule is stupid and how to try to get around it.
The one thing I have not heard from a single poster is asking what the daughters think/feel.
In this day of too much too soon for so many young people I'm pleased to see some boundaries. Eighth grade is pretty young. Something they can look forward too in High School.
I so agree with you here Jan. I'm really glad that our school has pretty strict boundaries and they stick to them too! My daughter isn't happy with the dress codes either. If she had her choice, she would be going to school in tank tops, booty shorts, and 4" heels. We do control what we buy her and allow her to wear at home. The dress code at schools helps reinforce what is appropriate.
The one thing I have not heard from a single poster is asking what the daughters think/feel.
I'm not sure what you mean here. We haven't been in the situation presented in the OP, so we haven't had a conversation about it. Generally I don't have many battles about clothing with my daughter.
Wait, you don't think 13-15 year old boys are distracted by skimpy clothing?! Of course boys are resposible for their behavior, but why put the kids in a potentially awkward situation. The dress code did not seem overly strict, I do not see the controversy.
The one thing I have not heard from a single poster is asking what the daughters think/feel.
Feel about what, strapless dresses? Honestly, that's not much of a discussion to have. Now, if my daughter wanted to wear a thigh length leather dress with garters, fishnets, and stiletto heels, there would be a discussion about that for sure. But I don't see the problem with bare shoulders and arms, and wouldn't feel alarmed enough to sit down and have a heart to heart about it.
If it were my dd's middle school dance, I might ask how she felt about no strapless dresses being allowed, and agree that it was a silly rule, but also tell her she has the option of not going if she feels that strongly about it. More than likely, if she really wanted to go, she'd find another dress, go, have a great time, and realize like some of these adults should, that it's not that big a deal.
The one thing I have not heard from a single poster is asking what the daughters think/feel.
Should parents ask their daughters if their daughters want to break the rules? Obviously, if my daughter wanted to go against the rules, there would be a talk. Our standards of dress don't allow for strapless anyway, so we already would have had numerous talks over the years about that.
Our children went to a Catholic Middle School. After the graduation ceremony, held in the church, they would have their graduation dance. The rules were very clear, boys needed to wear white shirts and ties (suit coats were optional) and girls could wear party dresses but they needed to be suitable for church. Since they had a problem the previous year it specifically stated absolutely no strapless dresses or bare shoulders. The girls needed to wear their dresses to "dress rehearsal" the day before graduation. It turned out that about 4 or 5 of the 25 or so girls (and their parents) couldn't read and they showed up in strapless cocktail type dresses.
The principal & priest were not happy. The parents of those 4 or 5 girls said that it was too late to buy something else. Normally the 8th graders just wore their clothes for the graduation ceremony in the church but some of the dresses were so revealing (I was able to see them at the beginning of the dance and some were definitely designed for HS & college age girls) that they made everyone wear choir robes over their clothes in the church (normally they just wore graduation caps)
The next year parents needed to have the girls model their dresses two weeks in advance and get approval before they could wear them.
Feel about what, strapless dresses? Honestly, that's not much of a discussion to have. Now, if my daughter wanted to wear a thigh length leather dress with garters, fishnets, and stiletto heels, there would be a discussion about that for sure. But I don't see the problem with bare shoulders and arms, and wouldn't feel alarmed enough to sit down and have a heart to heart about it.
If it were my dd's middle school dance, I might ask how she felt about no strapless dresses being allowed, and agree that it was a silly rule, but also tell her she has the option of not going if she feels that strongly about it. More than likely, if she really wanted to go, she'd find another dress, go, have a great time, and realize like some of these adults should, that it's not that big a deal.
Did you see some of the dresses in that link I posted? I was shocked, and it takes a lot to shock me!
I think you've made an excellent point. There are strapless dresses that are tasteful, and there are dresses with straps that look like something out of an MTV video. Unfortunately, there are parents who seem to think that the MTV-video dresses are appropriate for 13-year-old girls. You would THINK that parents have more sense, but some, unfortunately, don't. I agree with the brochure, BTW. The "good" dresses are flirty and not old-ladyish, yet allow some level of modesty. Kudos to the school.
(Putting on best old-lady voice). I remember some of the dress codes in my day. Some were pretty silly, I admit. I agree that the school should have enacted this some time ago, before the girls picked out their gowns. On the other hand, the fuss is a little over-the-top. Quite frankly, if this is the worst thing the parents are experiencing, they're pretty darn lucky. (Old-lady voice again.) Back in my day, we'd get a lacy cover-up for the dance and whip that thing off once we could do so. Probably what has to be done in this case.
As for my daughter ... she preferred a cocktail-length, sleeved dress. And that was without my prompting. In fact, she dismissed some of my choices as being too revealing!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
