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Old 04-24-2013, 09:57 PM
 
4,557 posts, read 9,890,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom View Post
I've let my kid fall...many times and have always been there for him. I think deep down inside he is scared to leave and excited. He won't be "running" to me the minute something goes wrong. He'll try to figure it out first. He's stubborn and independent but knows the door is open.
So what's the problem? Sounds like you've done a decent job then. At some point you just have to let them go and hope for the best. Being scared and excited to strike out on your own is what being young is all about. And if he knows the door is always open, then there is nothing more to do. Well, maybe going out and now figuring out your next stage of life. Which is a good thing.
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Old 04-24-2013, 11:31 PM
Status: "Happy New Year!" (set 12 hours ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
88,550 posts, read 104,881,764 times
Reputation: 34098
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom View Post
Hi Folks. My 20 year old son is moving out in July with a girl he says is just a friend...one with benefits. They are both moving out together for the first time and out of state. Got a hard road in front of them as they didn't go to college and will have zip money after moving. What can I do to stay out of his business and keep from offering advice meant to help but doesn't want. And.....the heartbreak of not having him near me anymore. My concern makes him upset and by concern I mean asking him if he knows of the areas to stay out of and to make sure everything works before handing over money.
My daughter moved into a place I thought was kind of a h*ll-hole; it worked out OK, but then it turned out James Holmes was living a few blocks away! She freaked out at that point, but I told her she was safer with him in jail than when he was just roaming the streets and attending classes in the same building as her. I don't know, in re: bad areas, you kind of know it when you see it, and what looks bad to you may not look bad to them. Some landlords are jerks, but they probably won't do anything blatantly illegal. I kind of have a concern with you referring to this girl as "a mess of a person", I mean, maybe her parents feel the same way about her choice of roommate, who knows?
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Old 04-25-2013, 12:07 PM
 
133 posts, read 183,486 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by Species 8472 View Post
I feel for you. I wonder if your son needs to strike out on his own to become a more independent adult? I do hope that he returns to live near you at some point in the future.

He does need to start creating a life for himself but the choice he has made for a "roommate" is only going to screw it up and that's not the Mom talking....his choice, his bumpy road to take which is hard for a parent to watch but sit back and say nothing.
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Old 04-25-2013, 12:09 PM
Status: "Happy New Year!" (set 12 hours ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
88,550 posts, read 104,881,764 times
Reputation: 34098
My daughter roomed with a male "friend" for a year. It was not this "friends with benefits" thing, though. But hey, they do things differently today.
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Old 04-25-2013, 12:10 PM
 
133 posts, read 183,486 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
My daughter moved into a place I thought was kind of a h*ll-hole; it worked out OK, but then it turned out James Holmes was living a few blocks away! She freaked out at that point, but I told her she was safer with him in jail than when he was just roaming the streets and attending classes in the same building as her. I don't know, in re: bad areas, you kind of know it when you see it, and what looks bad to you may not look bad to them. Some landlords are jerks, but they probably won't do anything blatantly illegal. I kind of have a concern with you referring to this girl as "a mess of a person", I mean, maybe her parents feel the same way about her choice of roommate, who knows?
Her parent's haven't met my son. She only just told her parent's she is moving and her mom cried. I think she has a whole other life her parent's don't have a clue about including my son staying over when they aren't home. Sweet girl.
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Old 04-25-2013, 12:11 PM
 
133 posts, read 183,486 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by jkcoop View Post
So what's the problem? Sounds like you've done a decent job then. At some point you just have to let them go and hope for the best. Being scared and excited to strike out on your own is what being young is all about. And if he knows the door is always open, then there is nothing more to do. Well, maybe going out and now figuring out your next stage of life. Which is a good thing.

You're right.
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Old 04-26-2013, 06:50 AM
 
468 posts, read 475,565 times
Reputation: 797
Plan a trip out to visit in a month or so. Give them a chance to settle in. Then take them to dinner. Go out with them to buy something they need for their apt, like a toaster oven or cleaning supplies. Be his biggest supporter from afar. If it goes as you suspect, he'll be comfortable coming back. If it ends up going well, they will both remember you as the one that stood by them.

Meanwhile, back home, find something that makes you feel good. And make friends to do that with you. Whether its volunteering at the local food bank or taking up golf or training for a 10K, it will give you some thing to get up for everyday. Then start planning for a big trip or event in 6 to 9 months. It will give you something to look forward to.
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Old 04-26-2013, 07:10 AM
 
Location: Dallas
5,647 posts, read 5,127,914 times
Reputation: 16798
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom View Post
Great. Any advice on how to fill the void of your only child leaving you to live with a mess of a person?
I'm a little confused as to who this "mess" is. Are you referring to yourself or your spouse?
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Old 04-26-2013, 08:50 AM
 
133 posts, read 183,486 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by aquietpath View Post
I'm a little confused as to who this "mess" is. Are you referring to yourself or your spouse?

Need to read from the beginning.
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Old 04-26-2013, 08:51 AM
 
133 posts, read 183,486 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by charmed59 View Post
Plan a trip out to visit in a month or so. Give them a chance to settle in. Then take them to dinner. Go out with them to buy something they need for their apt, like a toaster oven or cleaning supplies. Be his biggest supporter from afar. If it goes as you suspect, he'll be comfortable coming back. If it ends up going well, they will both remember you as the one that stood by them.

Meanwhile, back home, find something that makes you feel good. And make friends to do that with you. Whether its volunteering at the local food bank or taking up golf or training for a 10K, it will give you some thing to get up for everyday. Then start planning for a big trip or event in 6 to 9 months. It will give you something to look forward to.
Thank you Charmed. A very thoughtful response.
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