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Hi Folks. My 20 year old son is moving out in July with a girl he says is just a friend...one with benefits. They are both moving out together for the first time and out of state. Got a hard road in front of them as they didn't go to college and will have zip money after moving. What can I do to stay out of his business and keep from offering advice meant to help but doesn't want. And.....the heartbreak of not having him near me anymore. My concern makes him upset and by concern I mean asking him if he knows of the areas to stay out of and to make sure everything works before handing over money.
No advice, it's hard. I moved out at 19 and I turned out fine. I ended up going to college later and I have a great job now. I was sad too when my daughter went away to college, but it's part of life and they will find their way. Not always right away, but eventually. The best thing is to tell him you love him and that you support him no matter what. I always told my daughter she could come home whenever she wanted. I think if they know you are there as a safety net, that they will feel they can ask for help if they need to. I would rather my kids ask for help than do something really stupid because they had no other choice.
Honestly---- make him watch several weeks of Judge Judy. The best way for people to learn about the stupid ignorant mistakes so many people make when it comes to handling money, friends, debt, cars, leases--absolutely everything.
Hi Folks. My 20 year old son is moving out in July with a girl he says is just a friend...one with benefits. They are both moving out together for the first time and out of state. Got a hard road in front of them as they didn't go to college and will have zip money after moving. What can I do to stay out of his business and keep from offering advice meant to help but doesn't want. And.....the heartbreak of not having him near me anymore. My concern makes him upset and by concern I mean asking him if he knows of the areas to stay out of and to make sure everything works before handing over money.
It is hard to let them go. But, chances are, he'll make a go of things. It won't be easy, but acknowledging he is striving towards independence is a good first step. Kids are resourceful, and I know a few who didn't do the college thing, but are still supporting themselves.
As a recent empty nester myself (although my boys are still in college, they just don't live at home) reconnect with your spouse, and reach out to friends. It really helps.
Let your son know the door is open, even if the wallet won't be.
Great. Any advice on how to fill the void of your only child leaving you to live with a mess of a person?
Yes. Think about the fact that this is the person the son YOU raised chose.
He's 20, not 9. And think about the fact that he wants to live on his own and not in your basement. Cheer up. He's moving out and "Supermax" isn't in the name of the place. He's doing what normal 20-year old's all over America do: tell Mom to butt out because he wants to do it on his own.
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