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Old 05-01-2013, 01:21 PM
 
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Do you think its selfish for a man or woman to intentionally choose to have children and be single parents while intentionally choosing to deprive the kid of a mother/father. Before I didn't think much about it but then I realized if my mom or dad had me and chose not to let me have a mother/father in my life, I would resent them for doing that.
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:23 PM
 
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No. I dont see the difference between a single parent household an a household with two parents who work full time and the child is taken care of by someone else.

Last edited by findly185; 05-01-2013 at 01:45 PM..
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:24 PM
 
Location: NY
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There is a difference between being a single parent, and depriving a child of the other parent.

There is nothing wrong with being a single parent. In some situations, it may also be appropriate to fight to not allow the other parent into the child's life.

So... some shades of grey here. I think there are hypothetical situations where it may be purely selfish too.
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capitol View Post
Do you think its selfish for a man or woman to intentionally choose to have children and be single parents while intentionally choosing to deprive the kid of a mother/father. Before I didn't think much about it but then I realized if my mom or dad had me and chose not to let me have a mother/father in my life, I would resent them for doing that.
To purposely plan for it? Yes - selfish in that they are strictly doing it for themselves to satisfy their needs, not those of a child.

But most women who find themselves in this situation are just trying to make the best of an unplanned or unexpected situation.

They learn pretty quickly how UNSELFISH doing it all on their own really is.
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:31 PM
 
Location: In my skin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capitol View Post
Do you think its selfish for a man or woman to intentionally choose to have children and be single parents while intentionally choosing to deprive the kid of a mother/father. Before I didn't think much about it but then I realized if my mom or dad had me and chose not to let me have a mother/father in my life, I would resent them for doing that.
They are not deprived if it is all they know and the parent is providing well for them.
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Checkered24 View Post

There is nothing wrong with being a single parent. In some situations, it may also be appropriate to fight to not allow the other parent into the child's life.
I'm not referring to a situation where the other parent abandons the kid.

I'm talking about adoption, intentionally getting pregnant with no regard of the father, in-vitro, etc. Is doing that considered selfish?
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:33 PM
 
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I think it depends. If they are doing it so they aren't alone, then yes. If they are doing it because they can provide a stable, loving home for a child and have a strong support system in place to help them, then no.

Not every two parent home is loving, stable and sets a good example for the children living in it.
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capitol View Post
Do you think its selfish for a man or woman to intentionally choose to have children and be single parents while intentionally choosing to deprive the kid of a mother/father. Before I didn't think much about it but then I realized if my mom or dad had me and chose not to let me have a mother/father in my life, I would resent them for doing that.
I'd judge each of those situations on an individual basis. Single parent life tends to be hard on children. I'd say that it is rather brave in some cases. There are cases where this could be considered selfish.
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:35 PM
 
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If the parent prioritizes the child and has enough material resources, time and a firm social network for a support system, I see nothing wrong with it. I will likely adopt a little girl from India after I hit 40 if I still want to have kids - given that it is one of the worst places in the world to be born a woman (statistical fact), I don't think I'll be depriving the kid of anything just because there isn't a father in the picture.
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Manhattan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capitol View Post
Do you think its selfish for a man or woman to intentionally choose to have children and be single parents while intentionally choosing to deprive the kid of a mother/father. Before I didn't think much about it but then I realized if my mom or dad had me and chose not to let me have a mother/father in my life, I would resent them for doing that.
No. However, if I were *planning* to be a single parent than I'd make sure I have the resources and support necessary to give my child a loving and stable childhood -- with me being a significant and guiding presence in his or her life.

I do think its selfish when two A-type parents get together, work 80 hours a week each and the kid gets raised by hired caregivers. Then once the parents realize the child is getting attached to that caregiver--they fire that person and hire another. This is very common in my city unfortunately.
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