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No. Exploitation is working someone to the bone for a few pennies an hour. People in sweatshops are exploited. Slaves on a plantation were exploited. Serfs were exploited.
Your average child in an American home with plenty of food, video games, a secure environment, a bed to sleep in, schooling, a big screen TV with cable to watch baseball games, a computer to mess around with during the day while Mom and Dad are at work so the bills get paid?
NOT exploited. Not even close.
New homework assignment: The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory. Read and learn about the real world. Those women were exploited.
(You referred to exploitation in at least two posts. Reading Karl Marx? Expand your summer reading list because people who go out into the real world and pull the "I'm exploited!" card tend to end up on the public dole and my taxes are high enough.)
Last edited by DewDropInn; 05-04-2013 at 05:51 PM..
I'm 36 as is my beautiful and loving wife. We fell in love when we were 14 and we had a kid when we were both 18. We are the epitome of opposites attract. She was the pretty and popular wild child high schooler and I was the quiet book worm. I think we both kind of envied certain things about each other. I envied her ability to be social and make friends easily, and I think she envied my intelligence( not to sound arrogant but she has told me this) and ability to not procrastinate. Anyway, now we have a very social 18 year old son and he's 99% his mom and 1% me( he enjoys James Bond movies like I do). He loves to drink booze,sleep all day, hang out with his trashy little girlfriend, skip chores and homework, and talk back( it was cool to watch when she would do it to her parents, but as a parent, it's awful).
I don't think I make life too hard for him, I ask him to do his homework and pick up after himself and we talked about a summer job which won't happen. I'm not a yeller, I wasn't brought up in a yelling household so I don't yell. Some Saturdays and Sundays it'll be like 5 in the afternoon and he won't be up. I feel he should be doing something productive so I try to wake him up but my wife will stop and tell me " Don't, he's sleeping, he needs sleep". She doesn't feel he should have a job until he's 21 like she did. I feel he should go to college( at least CC) at some point but she doesn't because " he hates school". I give him chores and there's a 95% chance he won't do them and he'll run to Mom and she'll stick up for him and say that " He'll have plenty of time to do chores when he's older". She bought him a car when he was 16.
First time I caught him drinking at 15 he lied about it and said the alcohol smell was Scope mouthwash. I, trying to be the responsible one, asked her what the punishment should be for lying and drinking, and yes, I'm one of those " No drinking until you're 21( or at least 20) kind of parents. Her response was " well that's just what teenagers do". He got "grounded" until the next morning. School is the worst, I wouldn't be on his case if he tried, he doesn't though. Last week he got a 22% on a test, he answered 8 questions of 36 and left the rest blank. I know he's bad at math so i tried to help him and asked to see the homework questions, he didn't do them ( they're optional) and his mom's response was " it must be a hard chapter and cut him some slack". She gives him allowance money for chores he didn't do. I feel under minded and like the bad guy because I try rules and I don't spoil him and let him have free reign like his mom.
He started drinking at fifteen and was given a car at sixteen? First thing I'd do, is take away the car until he found a way to pay for it. Cut off allowance money if he's NOT doing chores.
It's funny, we are always complaining about "today's entitled youth," and soon you'll be releasing another one of them, out into the world. Thanks, Dad.
any advice on how to get her to come with me without causing drama? In a perfect world, she would come with me just because I asked nicely and because we love each other and want to help our son. But I can see this turning into another situation of her getting upset, locking herself in the bedroom, and making me sleep on the couch.
This isn't a marriage, or at least not a productive one. She is acting like a spoiled brat, and she won't change, and quite frankly, why should she? All she has to do is play her childish games and you will cave. You are the only one in your family unhappy with the situation, so you have to be the one to put your foot down.
You say you love each other and should want to make each other happy, but what she does is exploit you to get her own way- that's not love, and I can't think of the word I want now, but she's blackmailing you by giving you the silent treatment until you "make it up to her".
If something happened to you, there would be two people left unable to cope with the real world- I will agree with most of the others here- change your ways, and do it now (with counseling if necessary). You aren't doing yourself or them any favors.
Tell your wife if she keeps protecting him and sticking up for him there will be one of two places she will be visiting him : In the ground or behind bars ....I can almost guarantee it .
Rather than have an adult-adult relationship, you have a parent-child relationship. She's a spoiled child who holds you hostage with her passive-aggressive behavior. And because you feel guilty for attempting to exhibit adult behavior, you give in and not only that, but you attempt to coax her out of her bad mood with gifts and bribes.
Does it not make you angry that she is PLAYING you? And you allow it.
This can only be resolved with counseling, but if your wife won't go, you need to go yourself so you can stop being a doormat.
When both parents die, then the kid should take responsibility for their own future.
Of course, it would be smart to prepare for that day a bit beforehand, but that is under the kid's discretion if he wants to do that or not.
So assuming an average person has children around the age of 25 and lives until 85, the "child" in question wouldn't need to be responsible for anything or self supporting until he or she is 60? Explain how this is going to work please.
So assuming an average person has children around the age of 25 and lives until 85, the "child" in question wouldn't need to be responsible for anything or self supporting until he or she is 60? Explain how this is going to work please.
Don't engage this person.
He has NO life experience, and did not even grow up the way he espouses, yet attempts to school people here on how kids should be raised.
It's unfortunate that being the most annoying poster in recent memory is not against the terms of service.
Rather than have an adult-adult relationship, you have a parent-child relationship. She's a spoiled child who holds you hostage with her passive-aggressive behavior. And because you feel guilty for attempting to exhibit adult behavior, you give in and not only that, but you attempt to coax her out of her bad mood with gifts and bribes.
Does it not make you angry that she is PLAYING you? And you allow it.
This can only be resolved with counseling, but if your wife won't go, you need to go yourself so you can stop being a doormat.
It does make me angry, I do intend to go to counseling, and I try not to be a doormat but unfortunately it ends up that way because I hate confrontation and arguing
I confess I haven't read everyone's advice, but I've read enough to agree with most of it, so I'll just address the sleeping all day part, and lack of motivation, since I don't know if anyone else has.
Take off the door of his room. Take away the car. Take away all electronics and basically everything else except for the bare essentials. Make him wake up, smell the coffee, and earn his way back. The gravy train is over.
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