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any advice on how to get her to come with me without causing drama? In a perfect world, she would come with me just because I asked nicely and because we love each other and want to help our son. But I can see this turning into another situation of her getting upset, locking herself in the bedroom, and making me sleep on the couch.
Dude, you're just so...wrong (I'd say senseless, but people are easily offended.
First, who cares if mom doesn't talk to him? Do you mean the dad? Well, the dad cares. The son is not worth breaking up this marriage over. But the son knows he has this power because of the blinders mom is wearing. And the son is exploiting his mother, and she's just too dumb to know it.
Sure, it'll work itself out over time. Doesn't make mom right. It actually demonstrates her stupidity. When kid moves out (or is forced out), then it'll be considered worked out. And no one is saying the kid has to have a career path set. We're saying the kid has to start taking responsibility for himself to start becoming an adult, and not be dependent on his parents the rest of his life.
Are you even reading the same thread as everyone else? I suspect you were/are in the same position as this kid, and you're playing your senseless mother against your dad.
I mean it will work itself out in the sense that the kid will figure out his life, even if the parents do nothing.
Those things have a way of working themselves out.
What you are suggesting is akin to when the government tries to manipulate currency in order to improve the economy and then the economy tanks even further as a result.
any advice on how to get her to come with me without causing drama? In a perfect world, she would come with me just because I asked nicely and because we love each other and want to help our son. But I can see this turning into another situation of her getting upset, locking herself in the bedroom, and making me sleep on the couch.
From the sounds of it I'd say doubtful. But you can't go through life miserable because you are too afraid of causing drama to stand up for yourself. I'd just say that you have made an appointment for counseling because you are unhappy with how things are going lately. Say that you love her and you'd love for her to join you, but it's up to her. And do it.
Then nothing will change Irish. SOMEBODY needs to be the adult here.
Effective how? By getting your wife to talk to you? Why wouldn't you expect to be able to have a rational, mature discussion with the other adults you live with? Seriously, find a counselor, ASAP.
But nothing should change. It's been the same way for 18 years.
It shouldn't radically change because some forum posters think so.
When his wife says, "Why are you being such a jerk all of a sudden?" he will either have to lie or say, "Some woman named Mattie from the city-data forums told me to."
any advice on how to get her to come with me without causing drama? In a perfect world, she would come with me just because I asked nicely and because we love each other and want to help our son. But I can see this turning into another situation of her getting upset, locking herself in the bedroom, and making me sleep on the couch.
That's what you need to focus on. You love each other, and you want to help your son. Don't bring anything else into it right now. Just keep repeating that mantra : "I love you, and we both love Junior. We need to work together for his sake."
But nothing should change. It's been the same way for 18 years.
It shouldn't radically change because some forum posters think so.
When his wife says, "Why are you being such a jerk all of a sudden?" he will either have to lie or say, "Some woman named Mattie from the city-data forums told me to."
Oh, I'm sure that will have a LOT of credibility!
No, it shouldn't change because anybody here thinks it needs to. It should change because the OP and his family aren't happy with the way things are at present.
When his wife says, "Why are you being such a jerk all of a sudden?" he will either have to lie or say, "Some woman named Mattie from the city-data forums told me to."
Oh, I'm sure that will have a LOT of credibility!
How is wanting to discipline a teenager being a jerk? and there's no reason to lie or bring up the forums. The truth is is that I want whats best for the teenager
any advice on how to get her to come with me without causing drama? In a perfect world, she would come with me just because I asked nicely and because we love each other and want to help our son. But I can see this turning into another situation of her getting upset, locking herself in the bedroom, and making me sleep on the couch.
<sigh> Don't be afraid of drama. No way to avoid it. When you ask her nicely (which is how it should be done), just make sure YOU are in the bedroom so she can't lock you out. And how can she MAKE you sleep on the couch? Simply refuse. Let her sleep on the couch if she doesn't want to sleep with you. This is all part of standing up to her. What is she going to do? Send you to bed without dinner? Ground you? Oh wait... she can't do that with her kid, she can't do that to you. So why so afraid?
AGAIN... don't be afraid. Why are you in the first place?
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<sigh> Don't be afraid of drama. No way to avoid it. When you ask her nicely (which is how it should be done), just make sure YOU are in the bedroom so she can't lock you out. And how can she MAKE you sleep on the couch? Simply refuse. Let her sleep on the couch if she doesn't want to sleep with you. This is all part of standing up to her. What is she going to do? Send you to bed without dinner? Ground you? Oh wait... she can't do that with her kid, she can't do that to you. So why so afraid?