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It's just hard knowing the only affection I'll ever get is because of roses, shopping, or dinner, she used to never be like that. I used to come home and she would wait on the stairs in front of the front door.
I have been reading all of this for a while, and I just want to point out 2 things... it's fairly obvious she has a LOT of hostility towards you, and I can't imagine this marriage staying solvent unless she does a complete about face (which I really, truly, doubt she will do).
Continue the counseling, and don't buy that woman another thing. Not one more thing. No more dinners out. If she is willing to prove that she is a partner in this relationship (which, currently, she is NOT!) then you can reconsider. But you need to step back. Work on your counseling, and continue improving your relationship with your son.
I know this is going to be difficult for you, but you have to stop worrying about why doesn't she treat you with love and respect anymore. Because honestly, I don't think she has it in her.
Irishfan, I have a different piece of advice for you. I don't mean to offend anyone on this board. But none of us are professional therapists. All of us are just as likley to give you BS advise as good. You cannot afford to randomly trying different stuff with your family on the line. When I look at your wife's behavior, I see something totally different than the rest of the posters here. Who is right? WHO KNOWS!!??!! But a trained therapist might be able to help you both get back on track. My advise, get off internet boards. You are too vulnerable right now.
Irishfan, I have a different piece of advice for you. I don't mean to offend anyone on this board. But none of us are professional therapists. My advise, get off internet boards. You are too vulnerable right now.
I appreciate your opinion but, believe it or not, the advice quality on here is on par with with the counselor's. This board is the reason, I believe, the relationship between my son and I has improved.
I appreciate your opinion but, believe it or not, the advice quality on here is on par with with the counselor's. This board is the reason, I believe, the relationship between my son and I has improved.
I suspect the advice you have gotten with regards to your wife has been hit and miss. I wish you the best.
Quick question. Since your son has graduated from high school, and is no longer a child who needs his mother to make his lunches and provide daily child care, is your wife planning on going back to work? Have you even discussed this?
Just something else to consider. Perhaps, that is part of the original issue (problems with your son). Maybe, she is worried that once he leaves home she will need to work so she wants him to stay a baby as long as possible. Or maybe she is hoping to be a grandmother soon so she can continue to be a full time home-maker/mother/grandmother?
I may be way off base, perhaps in your social circle/neighborhood/employment level women just "keep house" and don't work. However, almost every woman that I know (except with very young children) has a job (even if the family doesn't "need the money").
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77
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Then I talked to her about going back to work and she is content not working.
Your son is 18 and (hopefully) going to be on his own soon.
Hmmm, I'm sure a lot of people would be "content not working" but would they be equal partners in their marriages? Maybe yes, maybe no.
I know it is a side issue, but part of me thinks that she is hoping that her son stays a baby/dependent child or creates a baby soon so she can stay the "put upon & taken advantage of" full time mother/grandmother.
Have you considered how are you going to feel about totally supporting your wife until retirement age?
Last night I came home, opened the fridge and saw a a Chinese takeout box that said “ ( my name)’s dinner”. She knows I hate Chinese. I get it, I canceled dinner out and I didn’t get a hot meal as revenge.I don’t think I deserve it. I went to talk to her and as expected, I got a silent treatment for a few minutes, while I tried small talk until she told me “ you know right now we would be sitting down to a lovely dinner and I would be ready to forgive you and have a nice night but you ruined it (I don’t know what I did) and please, and I’m asking nicely, take a pillow, and sleep on the couch.” I told her I was sleeping in the bed that I bought and she was welcome to stay in bed with me, but she slept on the couch.
Last edited by irishfan77; 05-24-2013 at 07:56 AM..
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