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Old 05-28-2013, 05:33 PM
 
7,743 posts, read 15,837,031 times
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Are you going to set an appointment for yourself as well?

As for your wife, she's ... bratty. She didn't forget what you did, it's just irrelevant to her narrative. The sessions will give you insights, but make sure to have realistic goals. Your wife isn't going to change who she is but it could help her realize that marriage is a two way street and communication is necessary.

Honestly if it were me, I'd be encouraging her to go to school or whatever so that she has some kind of skills to support herself should the marriage end or if something happens to you. (It may be that she's resentful because she feels useless. She basically was on her own, solely raising a child and working and the moment you came back-- that essentially stopped. You took a bigger part in raising the child, she stopped working.)

 
Old 05-28-2013, 06:00 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,097,438 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Irish clarified. His post was not clear. His WIFE called him selfish.
Ya, that was clarified after I posted.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 08:31 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 855,685 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
(It may be that she's resentful because she feels useless. She basically was on her own, solely raising a child and working and the moment you came back-- that essentially stopped. You took a bigger part in raising the child, she stopped working.)
I may catch backlash in this day and age, but she's not useless, at least not to me, she does 50% of house cleaning, 100% of the laundry, and 100% of the cooking. I don't mean that in a chauvinistic way but she's very good at being a homemaker but, i she ever expressed interest, I'd be all for her getting some schooling.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 11:12 PM
 
7,743 posts, read 15,837,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I may catch backlash in this day and age, but she's not useless, at least not to me, she does 50% of house cleaning, 100% of the laundry, and 100% of the cooking. I don't mean that in a chauvinistic way but she's very good at being a homemaker but, i she ever expressed interest, I'd be all for her getting some schooling.
Your wife shown that evidently she isn't validated by your feelings and perceptions about her.

If you can sit there and go on about how she's good at being Suzy Homemaker, then no wonder why your marriage is in trouble. There's no depth to your marriage. Hardly any emotional connection as you've managed to go on 12 years in your marriage not even once catching your wife's resentment towards you and not at all understanding her feelings towards the marriage. In fact, you don't seem to understand or know anything about your wife... other than what materialistic things she likes and that she's resentful towards you.

Which brings up the question again... Have you set an appointment for yourself? If you want change, then you have to change too. And real change happens when there's understanding.
 
Old 05-29-2013, 05:42 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,156,177 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I may catch backlash in this day and age, but she's not useless, at least not to me, she does 50% of house cleaning, 100% of the laundry, and 100% of the cooking. I don't mean that in a chauvinistic way but she's very good at being a homemaker but, i she ever expressed interest, I'd be all for her getting some schooling.

It is not chauvinistic. That you two have chosen a lifestyle like this is NOT among your problems, in my opinion. The fact that you don't categorize her as useless and view her as valuable give me optimism that the two of you can find resolution, each of you growing where you need to.
 
Old 05-29-2013, 06:16 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma
6,808 posts, read 6,918,568 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
It is not chauvinistic. That you two have chosen a lifestyle like this is NOT among your problems, in my opinion. The fact that you don't categorize her as useless and view her as valuable give me optimism that the two of you can find resolution, each of you growing where you need to.
Yes, totally agree.

Calling someone who chooses not to work outside the home "Suzy Homemaker" is insulting and unnecessary. There's nothing wrong with this arrangement, if both parties are content with it and can get by on one persons salary.
 
Old 05-29-2013, 10:42 AM
 
7,743 posts, read 15,837,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aquietpath View Post
Calling someone who chooses not to work outside the home "Suzy Homemaker" is insulting and unnecessary. There's nothing wrong with this arrangement, if both parties are content with it and can get by on one persons salary.
I didn't say there was anything wrong with being a Suzy Homemaker or that there were anything wrong with this arrangement. I am a housewife myself and understand this arrangement very well.

And the OP pointed out plenty of times that the marriage isn't very content at all. All I said that was simply that the wife could be feeling unfulfilled ("useless"). The OP said that he doesn't feel that she is useless. Its not a matter of how he feels.
 
Old 05-29-2013, 08:11 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 855,685 times
Reputation: 343
Could be a breakthrough or trying to butter me up but this is it. She woke me up this morning by snuggling up next to me and kissing me on the cheek. She made me breakfast, sat with me while I ate, and told me to have a great day. She hasn't done that in quite some time. She told me we could go wherever I wanted for dinner. We went to dinner and she gave me a back massage. After dinner, she wanted to “ run something past me”. She wanted to reward our son because “ he’s been such a good boy( yes, she said boy like he’s 7 and meeting Santa or a dog) lately, I think we should take him and his girlfriend up to Chicago for the weekend as maybe a little treat for him”. I told her “ I’d think about it”, I can’t help but think that secretly this is for her. I think that rewarding a kid who’s SUPPOSE to be good, with a trip is a bit overboard.
 
Old 05-29-2013, 08:15 PM
 
1,278 posts, read 1,331,928 times
Reputation: 2699
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
Could be a breakthrough or trying to butter me up but this is it. She woke me up this morning by snuggling up next to me and kissing me on the cheek. She made me breakfast, sat with me while I ate, and told me to have a great day. She hasn't done that in quite some time. She told me we could go wherever I wanted for dinner. We went to dinner and she gave me a back massage. After dinner, she wanted to “ run something past me”. She wanted to reward our son because “ he’s been such a good boy( yes, she said boy like he’s 7 and meeting Santa or a dog) lately, I think we should take him and his girlfriend up to Chicago for the weekend as maybe a little treat for him”. I told her “ I’d think about it”, I can’t help but think that secretly this is for her. I think that rewarding a kid who’s SUPPOSE to be good, with a trip is a bit overboard.
I think you should listen to your inner voice. She is up to something.
 
Old 05-29-2013, 08:28 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,097,438 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by njmom66 View Post
I think you should listen to your inner voice. She is up to something.
I agree.
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