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We went to dinner last night just because and then went home and he was out for the night. She told me that our wedding day was the the 2nd greatest day of her life and the first was ( obviously) his birth. She's happy that we stuck it out for 6 years and that it was worth it. Then we got into her wants. She wants to take a vacation to Maui ( and stay at some hotel her friend told her about). She wants to begin looking for a condo in Chicago( just for weekends. My guess is so she can shop). I told her that she " had very expensive tastes". Her response was that I " have to keep her well kept". I jokingly said that my father told me that over spoiling a woman is bad news. She told me that, because she's my wife, " She deserves spoiling" and spent the rest of the night researching condos.
Something just dawned on me. Does she not have access to the household money? I know she doesn't work, but could she go out and buy her own jewlery? I Ask because that would make the act of guilting you into buying her gifts entirely symbolic.
We went to dinner last night just because and then went home and he was out for the night. She told me that our wedding day was the the 2nd greatest day of her life and the first was ( obviously) his birth. She's happy that we stuck it out for 6 years and that it was worth it. Then we got into her wants. She wants to take a vacation to Maui ( and stay at some hotel her friend told her about). She wants to begin looking for a condo in Chicago( just for weekends. My guess is so she can shop). I told her that she " had very expensive tastes". Her response was that I " have to keep her well kept". I jokingly said that my father told me that over spoiling a woman is bad news. She told me that,because she's my wife, " She deserves spoiling" and spent the rest of the night researching condos.
Unfortunately, C-D would kick me out if I wrote the comment that I said out loud after I read what you wrote.
Moderator Cut
You give her money, expensive gifts, fancy dinners (instead of just cold, hard cash), and what do you get in return? An equal partner in your marriage? Nope, a spoiled demanding child who just wants more gifts, more vacations and more "material things".
Why not tell her, "because you are her husband, you deserve a loving, considerate, equal partner in your marriage".
Why can't she spoil you? As the husband you have just as much right to being spoiled as she does, probably even more because you spoiled her for 20 years, isn't it her turn to spoil YOU?
Last edited by Jaded; 08-06-2013 at 12:34 AM..
Reason: sorry, had to cut it.
Irish--I'm sure you are proud, and perhaps rightfully so, that you can purchase expensive vacations and such for your family. There is nothing wrong with that. My question is how does it make "YOU" feel to be thought of as the bankroll. Have you told her this? Does she show any appreciation for all of the material things that she is given? It seems to me that the answer to that is no. It seems like an expectation.
BTW--let me guess, was there a little (or a lot) of wine with dinner?
You need to tell her your feelings on these things. It's wonderful to be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor, but it's far better to enjoy them based upon mutual dreams. Where do you want to go on a vacation? Do you want a condo in Chicago? How would she feel if you suddenly lost your job or savings?
My spouse and I have been poor as dirt and fairly well off financially--mostly because of H's hard work and my willingness to do my part financially and support him during lean years. While I didn't always work, it was a team effort. Things like vacations to Maui and second homes would be things that we both wanted. I think I could make a fairly good guess as to what part of the country you live in having lived in the general area at one times. Some of the things you post are familiar enough that they make sense to me as some one from that general area. I'm wondering though, do you want to play "keeping up with the Jones' for the next 35 plus years? Your wife would be more than happy to do so.
Irish--I'm sure you are proud, and perhaps rightfully so, that you can purchase expensive vacations and such for your family. There is nothing wrong with that. My question is how does it make "YOU" feel to be thought of as the bankroll. Have you told her this? Does she show any appreciation for all of the material things that she is given? It seems to me that the answer to that is no. It seems like an expectation.
BTW--let me guess, was there a little (or a lot) of wine with dinner?
You need to tell her your feelings on these things. It's wonderful to be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor, but it's far better to enjoy them based upon mutual dreams. Where do you want to go on a vacation? Do you want a condo in Chicago? How would she feel if you suddenly lost your job or savings?
Irish, think about it.
Let's say you did lose your job, your house (with it's beautiful guest house) was foreclosed, your portfolio and all of your savings were lost or you had serious health problems or all four happened at the same time. And, none of the magical thinking, of course that can never happen to me. Those things do happen to people and they happen every single day.
What do you think that your wife would do? No more expensive vacations, no more fancy jewelry, no more dinners in restaurants, no dreams of a second home/condo in Chicago. Maybe even needing to live with you in your car or a homeless shelter for a while.
AND then she would be the one to get a full time job or two full time jobs to support the three of you and maybe spend all of her free time caring for her sick, bedridden husband as well as handling every other household responsibility.
A true loving, marriage partner would do those things. Would your wife do that?
Think about it. Does your wife love you during "the good times and the bad times, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health"?
Seriously, think about it and answer truthfully.
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-05-2013 at 02:44 PM..
In response to your wife's "needs" (involving large sums of money)...
Now that your son is grown, has she ever considered getting a part time job?
it is always nice to earn a paycheck...Then she can go ahead and spend money on herself.
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