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Old 05-19-2013, 06:00 PM
 
Location: here
24,841 posts, read 30,966,853 times
Reputation: 32481

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Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I ungrounded him, gave him his stuff, thanked him for the support, apologized for my part in the bickering, and she found out. He was playing his Xbox with his door wide open( big mistake) she told him “ I thought I took that away. You’re grounded for 2 more weeks”. To which he responded “ Dad ungrounded me”. She came and found me. “ He’s grounded, he was so rude to me and you didn’t say anything, but you think it’s ok to unground him. You can’t be friends to your kids”. I was shocked, she wrote the book on being friends with your kids. He’s ungrounded and she refuses to talk to either of us. I hope she realizes that he won't want to be around her once he's on his own if she keeps it up.
This is ridiculous. You need to go to counseling WITHOUT your son to discuss expectations and consequences. Usually she's the one undermining your authority. Now you've done it to her. You need to present a united front. You need to either agree ahead of time on expectations and punishments, or you need to not hand them out until you discuss it first.

 
Old 05-19-2013, 06:04 PM
 
13,358 posts, read 21,495,911 times
Reputation: 36514
I don't think there is any way to present a united front here. They are both using the son as a pawn in their spats.

OP, trust me, he isn't want to be around either of you as long as you keep using him for retaliation.
 
Old 05-19-2013, 06:12 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 756,243 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
This is ridiculous. You need to present a united front. You need to either agree ahead of time on expectations and punishments, or you need to not hand them out until you discuss it first.
There's no doing that with her, I tried
 
Old 05-19-2013, 06:14 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 756,243 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post

OP, trust me, he isn't want to be around either of you
He didn't bash me like he did his mom
 
Old 05-19-2013, 06:21 PM
 
Location: here
24,841 posts, read 30,966,853 times
Reputation: 32481
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
There's no doing that with her, I tried
I don't know if there is any hope for your marriage then. You son is grown. Whatever mistakes you've made with him will be difficult, if not impossible to fix. Your wife seems to have no interest in saving your marriage. There are a lot of things I just can't comprehend, like why you have stayed with a woman who treats you like crap; Why she has stayed with a man that she doesn't respect; Why you just now decided that your son needs to grow up and pull his weight. I appreciate that you want to make the effort to fix things, but it might be too little, too late.
 
Old 05-19-2013, 06:40 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 756,243 times
Reputation: 343
Speaking for myself, I stay because I really want to work it out and because I never want my son to ever have the phrase " My parents are divorced" come out of his mouth. I still don't know why she won't respect me.
 
Old 05-19-2013, 06:43 PM
 
32,525 posts, read 31,604,778 times
Reputation: 32393
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
So last night, my son went on his date night with his useless girlfriend.
Were YOU particularly useful when you were 18?

Something is wrong with this whole scenario. You don't know how you should feel about something. (Most people decide for themselves how they feel about things.) You're involving your son in your marriage, and his girlfriend is "useless". Is she supposed to be in on all the drama?

This is like high school.
 
Old 05-19-2013, 06:52 PM
 
6,486 posts, read 10,222,612 times
Reputation: 10985
Hey everyone,... Irish has followed everyone's advice regarding counseling. Ease up. I'm sure he'll bring it up with the counselor. In the meantime, good for Irish for standing up for himself and not allowing her to railroad him. Even if he may have handled this situation in not the best way (not my opinion, but in general, who knows what is the best way), he's taking a step in a direction different from one that wasn't working, either.

I suspect that his son is happy to see the change in his dad. I bet he's finding a bit more respect for him.

Go Irish!
 
Old 05-19-2013, 07:15 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 756,243 times
Reputation: 343
I feel bad for involving him in the marriage and yes, she is useless. At her age, I had a son, a job, and was in school. She smokes pot, drinks like a fish, and has no job.
 
Old 05-19-2013, 07:50 PM
 
32,525 posts, read 31,604,778 times
Reputation: 32393
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
She smokes pot, drinks like a fish, and has no job.
And out of all the girls in whatever town you live in, YOUR son chose.....her.

Do your son a favor and leave him out of the drama. He deserves his own life. NO child needs to be involved in their parents' marriage. You don't like her now? You're going to like her even less when your kid leaves to go move in with her just to get away from what you're forcing him to deal with.

Go to counseling. Build a wall down the middle of your house so you can't see her eyes rolling at you. Couch surf America. Find some way to live that doesn't involve dragging your son into whatever the heck happened between you and your wife.

You're 36? Most people have it semi-figured out by then. Why you don't is something you should ask your counselor.
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