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Could it be that the therapist was making an effort to not alienate your wife? Is your wife willing to go to the next apt? If so, then no need to worry. You will have plenty of time to talk about the current problems and hold your wife accountable for her part in them.
This is true. And like stated above, one session doesn't mean anything.
Sorry if I am missing something, but all I got was that the therapist thought she was a good mother. Which, at the time discussed, she probably was. Was any discussion made about the present? What part disappointed you exactly?
the part about the op being called selfish for going to college. we only have one side of the story here, but i think thw therapist should have held middle ground. he/she should have pointed out that the op went to college to provide a better life for her and the child, and said or done something to help the wife move past what happened 18 years ago. unless the op is leaving out half the story, that didn't happen.
This is their first session. The therapist will spend a small bit of time trying to get some background information. Some will ask, some will have the couple fill out a questionnaire. It will vary. Then they will focus on today.
Irish, I think it is important that you pay attention to what your wife says in therapy. If she called you selfish for going to school and leaving her the responsibility of raising your son, it doesn't mean you were selfish. It doesn't mean you were wrong to do that (since it obviously put you on a successful path rather than flipping burgers and struggling to raise a young family). It means that's how she FEELS. She may not have felt that way back then but it seems as though the resentment has been festering.
That being said, she can't have it both ways - feeling resentful she had total say in raising your son those early years and feeling resentful when you step up and take an active role in parenting.
If she called you selfish for going to school and leaving her the responsibility of raising your son, it doesn't mean you were selfish. It doesn't mean you were wrong to do that (since it obviously put you on a successful path rather than flipping burgers and struggling to raise a young family). It means that's how she FEELS.
I think she forgot to mention all the things I did do from 3.5 hours away. I worked and sent her ALL the money I made. I was lucky enough to have my education paid for. I also called EVERY night. I called no matter what, for at least an hour( it got to be an hour and a half once he turned about 3 or 4 and found his gift for gab)
irishfan--this session may have been your wife's turn to talk. It was your turn to listen. Whether you agree or disagree, her feelings are her reality for now. Just hope she listen's when it's your turn and respects that those are your feelings and your view of that time period.
Then you both need to get over it and focus on today. The past is the past. What do you want and need? What does she want and need?
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