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Old 05-08-2013, 01:47 PM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
426 posts, read 750,430 times
Reputation: 404

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nimz View Post
What would you consider the best age to have a baby?

My boyfriend really wants a kid, while I am unsure if I still want kids, I have been thinking about it. But I want to do it right. I'm 19 and in college. I want to be a dentist, so I'm looking at 8+ years of schooling. By the time I get out of dental school, get established and pay off my loans I'll be in my mid thirties. Would it be better to have a child while getting my bachelors, so that while I'm in dental school they'd be a toddler and my boyfriend would be supporting us, or should I wait to my mid or possibly late thirties to have my first child?

The second option makes the most sense financially, while the first option makes the most sense biologically.
I don't know that there is ever a perfect age but I do feel to express that you shouldn't have a baby for your boyfriend. It would be understandable if you said you were in your mid 30's and you both knew you wanted to spend your life together without marriage but as 2 individuals. A child is another life/person and you are that persons sol provider for at least 18 years if not more. You are 19, you should be doing what YOU want to do. Be selfish for a few years. You have one life...go live it for a while!! Have fun!! Do things you always dreamed of doing without being responsible or tied down!
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Old 05-08-2013, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
1,969 posts, read 3,407,932 times
Reputation: 2912
People can throw around numbers all they want, but the only answer is when you are ready to have them. If you aren't sure, the answer is no. You can't change your mind and talk the child to Walmart and exchange it for a PS3. When you know you want kids, that the best age, regardless of how old you really are.
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Old 05-08-2013, 05:23 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 3,254,616 times
Reputation: 2369
As others have stated, there is no magical age, just too young and too old. You have specific goals, and children come with a lot of responsibility. You seem responsible now, however you are still a dependent and by nature children come to us as dependents themselves.

You and your BF are not on the same page, and you are not even old enough to drink alcohol legally, rent a car without obscene charges, and technically you're still a teenager. Could you have children now? Absolutely. Will you likely have to put your education and career plans on hold? Absolutely.

You'll hear from plenty of folks here who have either gone down this path or have watched others do it (I've watched).

Personally, I'd focus on your health (including reproductive health), education, career; then, if you desire a child with a spouse, develop a relationship with someone who shares this desire. Take "age" out of the equation for now. Priorities often change in adulthood and parenthood. Give yourself the necessary time to allow these changes to occur organically instead of prematurely.
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Old 05-08-2013, 05:38 PM
Status: "Pray that Presdient Trump stays safe!" (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: Kansas
22,469 posts, read 18,854,506 times
Reputation: 21810
You have gotten a lot of good advice here. I would not worry about not having enough energy for a child when you are in your 30's. We adopted a baby with Down syndrome when I was 33 and I found the energy for that and working full-time. Become a dentist and then decide if you want children. Too often, some men see the baby as a way to tie you to them and limit your possibilities and then they get bored and move on. You have a good plan. You may outgrow this boyfriend as you pursue your education. Don't limit yourself. A baby is forever and a boyfriend can be very fleeting.
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Old 05-08-2013, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,011 posts, read 26,885,310 times
Reputation: 41055
OK - 2 months ago you wanted to leave him and now you're thinking of having a baby? Sigh.....
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Old 05-08-2013, 06:21 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,416 posts, read 43,579,133 times
Reputation: 39914
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nimz View Post
Well, I openend my dating sites back up. Next time I see him I'll check them right in front of him and see what he says. I'll probably end up breaking up with him, he doesn't even seem to know how to apologize when he's in the wrong (different issue).
This is how the OP felt about this potential baby daddy just a few months ago!

Shae also states that she has 13 boyfriends from age 17 to 19.

//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...boyfriend.html

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nimz View Post
i just found out that he's been cheating on me for the past 2 or 3 weeks. i am crushed. heartbroken. i can't stop crying and shaking. i don't know why he would do this to me. i tried so hard to be a good girlfriend. he wouldn't even apologize when i caught him. he just said "that's not cheating" then kept saying men are men and they're going to follow a pair of **** if they're flashed some. i feel so empty. i've never had anyone on valentines day and i guess i won't again this year. i dont think i'll ever find a decent guy. i just want to crawl in a hole and die. i cared about him so much.... why did he have to hurt me
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Old 05-08-2013, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Dallas area, Texas
2,351 posts, read 3,553,641 times
Reputation: 4158
Please, please, please do NOT have a baby now. A baby deserves two parents that are mature and caring and committed to each other. The two of you do not appear to be any of the above. A baby puts stress on a relationship; a baby will NOT cement a relationship.
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Old 05-08-2013, 08:25 PM
 
Location: The hills of western Washington
251 posts, read 488,525 times
Reputation: 479
Quote:
Originally Posted by DitsyD View Post
Please, please, please do NOT have a baby now. A baby deserves two parents that are mature and caring and committed to each other. The two of you do not appear to be any of the above. A baby puts stress on a relationship; a baby will NOT cement a relationship.

BINGO! We have a winner...
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:20 PM
 
917 posts, read 1,940,826 times
Reputation: 718
Please don't have kids right now. You are too young!
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:26 PM
 
96 posts, read 195,281 times
Reputation: 74
I'm not with the same guy, someone entirely different and who treats me well.

I wasn't saying I would go and get pregnant now, but another year or 2 from now. This boyfriend is already talking about marriage, he seems like the real thing. A guy who actually doesn't just want to cheat and play the field just because he's young.

He doesn't have a decent job right now, and doesn't want to go to school. I already told him he'll have to find a better job or go to school for a better job if he wants me to have his baby. He says he's working on it, so until he actually does that, no babies will be happening. This is all just talk anyway, nothing concrete.

We see things differently and I'm just trying to meet somewhere in the middle. I'm more career focused, and he just wants a job that makes ends meet and to have a family.

There is a short supply of men who actually don't want kids, and I really, really like this guy. It makes me think maybe I shouldn't be so selfish focusing so much on a career and instead maybe focus more on a family.

Again, just talk. I'm not stupid enough to go get pregnant right this second. I just want to find a happy median in life.
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