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Old 05-10-2013, 11:30 AM
 
14,330 posts, read 10,625,517 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Actually, I did - back on post 76 when I said...

Everyone in life has to answer to someone else on a regular basis or just bend to the authority of others.

When you don't you risk everything from financial ruin (loss of a job) to potential arrest or even death.

Teens are not yet adults. They are not on the same level as adults because they have not reached the point in life where they know enough to be in complete charge of themselves.

Teaching kids/teens to respect adults in authority is character building.

It is good practice for the self-discipline they will need to be civilized, productive adults in a few short years.


Learning how to deal and cope with things beyond your control is extremely important for young people to help them become mature, productive adults.

This would include learning to respect the wishes of people who have the right and authority to make their own rules even when you don't like them or agree with them.
Oh right. I discounted that. Since a person can simply use good judgement about consequences, my original discounting of this post stands that there really is no reason at all to actually care much about authority when ones own judgement works.

 
Old 05-10-2013, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 89,935,869 times
Reputation: 39935
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Oh right. I discounted that. Since a person can simply use good judgement about consequences, my original discounting of this post stands that there really is no reason at all to actually care much about authority when ones own judgement works.
The point is, teens are not fully developed.

They generally lack completely reliable judgement.

This is why the most successful ones have parents who mentor them and aid them in discerning how best to size up situations and appropriate behavior.

And again, even when we are fully grown, matured adults with great judgement - we all still have to answer to certain "authorities" in our lives
 
Old 05-10-2013, 11:46 AM
 
14,330 posts, read 10,625,517 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
The point is, teens are not fully developed.

They generally lack completely reliable judgement.
I understood your point. I just don't agree with it.

First of all, no one has completely reliable judgement. (Except me, ha ha.) How reliable their judgement is is directly dependent on how much they have been able to use it over their life time. For a child whose judgement has been scaffold-ed but not supplanted over the years, this is a perfectly managable situation for the 17 year old. If not, well I guess the kid is humped any way you slice it.

Quote:
This is why the most successful ones have parents who mentor them and aid them in discerning how best to size up situations and appropriate behavior.
That is not really what you said though. You said Mom should tell him he needs to respect blah blah. HE is the one who should be perfectly capable of doing the discerning at this point.

Quote:
And again, even when we are fully grown, matured adults with great judgement - we all still have to answer to certain "authorities" in our lives
Not really. We have the ability and the freedom to decide whether or not we want to face the consequences of our actions and whether those consequences are reasonable means to whatever the desired ends are. The authority is incidental.
 
Old 05-10-2013, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 89,935,869 times
Reputation: 39935
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I understood your point. I just don't agree with it.

.

We are getting off topic. Agreeing to disagree is best
 
Old 05-10-2013, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Alaska
2,886 posts, read 2,634,113 times
Reputation: 4842
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
Every authority is not to be obeyed simply because it exists. Remember Dr. King? Thoreau? Jefferson?

Aside from that, someone else's parents are not in any position of authority over OP or her kid.
Agree.
 
Old 05-10-2013, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Alaska
2,886 posts, read 2,634,113 times
Reputation: 4842
Moderator Cut

Perhaps, the father should Moderator Cut realize that respect is two-way street. Maybe, if he would sit down with his daughter and treat her like the young lady that he wants her to be and talks to her from a place of maturity, respect, love, and genuine concern and really LISTENS to her responses, she would know that he loves and respects her and respond accordingly.

Just my two cents.

Last edited by Jaded; 05-10-2013 at 01:51 PM.. Reason: Reply to a deleted post; offensive language
 
Old 05-10-2013, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,490 posts, read 4,062,885 times
Reputation: 3234
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
Sabinerose,

I'm curious if you think your son is continuing to actually see the girl? Does he have a car or opportunity to drive to wherever she lives? I think you said they attend different schools, is that right? How far apart do they live?

It seems sad to me the her parents are being so controlling. Developing relationships and falling in love is exactly what people in their upper teens are supposed to do! Certainly these teenage relationships don't often last for life, but it's part of growing up and learning how to be half of a couple, learning what traits you do and don't want in a partner, learning that loving someone is much more than a "tingley feeling" and that it involves giving, compromising, sacrificing, and commitment.

Do you have any idea why the girls parents insisted that ALL contact end? If they were concerned about them becoming sexually active, I could understand not allowing them to be alone in a bedroom, or even not letting them go on dates alone (although personally I consider that too controlling for their ages). But to forbid any contact whatsoever....how can any parent think that this will not end up in rebellion and harm to the parent-teen relationship???
I do not believe he is seeing her (as in, they are meeting somewhere). He does have a car and he does have opportunity to drive the 8 miles to her town...HOWEVER, I am talking about tiny towns. Everyone knows each other, everyone knows each others children, we even know who drives what car around here...and the town she lives in is even smaller than ours. I don't get the impression that she is left alone at any time now. Without a car, she cannot leave her town...and, if my son were to drive his car into her town...well, everyone would know.

The only reason her father gave was "they are too serious and we all know where that leads".

Is it possible that very controlling parents never consider that their children would ever dare rebel against them? I see that being possible here. I believe that her father never even thought that his daughter would defy him. And then my son came into the picture and now she is defying him...I'm sure that makes my son the villain in her fathers mind.
 
Old 05-10-2013, 01:27 PM
 
14,330 posts, read 10,625,517 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
We are getting off topic. Agreeing to disagree is best
It really isn't since it relates directly to the OP's "need" to insist that her child "respect" the other parent's wishes. But whatever.
 
Old 05-10-2013, 01:55 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 3,032,483 times
Reputation: 2365
This thread is becoming dangerously close to being closed. Keep the in-fighting out of the conversation ; stay on-topic as much as possible; and, stop using personal attacks and offensive language . Please.

Thank you.
 
Old 05-10-2013, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
385 posts, read 535,571 times
Reputation: 410
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose View Post
It actually seemed pretty simple to me with 2 choices:

1. Make sure he understood that he should not contact her because her father demanded it. Blindly believe that they would not find a way to talk and be completely unaware of his and her actions. (Makes for nasty surprises in my opinion - we have never parented this way anyway). We could try taking all his electronics away and insisting he stay in the house and none of his friends come over to try and keep him away from any means of electronic communication (I believe this was her parents idea...not terribly effective that I have seen).

2. Make sure he understood that he should not contact her because her father demanded it. Be realistic about the availability of electronic communication. Monitor his communications. Make sure he understands how much harder it will be for both of them to communicate when her father finds out she is disobeying him.
You forgot #3: Make sure he understood that he should not contact her because her father demanded it. Her parents are perfectly free to seek a restraining order against your son should he not stop contacting her. Even if judge doesn't grant it, that's not something your son wants on his record as it affects employment prospects during a background check. If they do get it, things get a lot worse for him. As was pointed out by someone else, this is one area where guys often get hosed in the courts.
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