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Old 05-12-2013, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,338 posts, read 93,524,803 times
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But you end up staying married for the sake of your wife?

I have four girls 13, 11, 9, and 5 and it is sometimes a thankless, unappreciated life to be a parent. Both my wife and I feel our kids walk all over us. We can't get too hard on them because they get good grades, are healthy and athletic, and hang out with respectable peers. Their teachers say great things about them. The other parents find them polite and engaging. They don't have problems with other kids. It's just that they are so demanding with us (they always want things) and we do spend lots of time and money on them.
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Old 05-12-2013, 09:27 PM
 
6,129 posts, read 6,783,215 times
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Hell, I consider dropping mine at the nearest police station at least twice a week. Tahiti sounds nice this type of year

That said you don't have to put up with the demanding thing even if they are good kids generally. You could be inadvertently teaching them that they deserve everything they want just for not being knuckleheads. When they leave your house the world will consider their good behavior the bare minimum for a functioning adult and not throw them a parade over it, better prepare them for the world now.

A friend and I were talking about this very phenomenon the other day. Wet both have kids like yours -good kids, teachers love them, lots of friends - but at home they seem to morph into never satisfied whiners. She and her husband are super practical and fairly frugal so it's not like they were raised to expect a lot but yet and still they have this idea in their heads they want more. It's not like they were raised to expect anything special or they were waited on hand and foot. We blame Disney! LOL! Just kidding.

I just tell mine to cut it out when they start that mess. Heh.
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:01 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,510,800 times
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No -- but it gets worse. Wait until they are 18 or 19 and have little time for you. Or when they are even older and move away and you don't see them too much.

Savor the moments -- they'll soon be over. Keep reminding yourself that you're living the best days of your life, soon you'll be old and reminishing about the good days when the kids were still little -- so make sure you appreciate that now.
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:11 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,332 posts, read 47,306,001 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post

I have four girls 13, 11, 9, and 5 and it is sometimes a thankless, unappreciated life to be a parent. Both my wife and I feel our kids walk all over us. We can't get too hard on them because they get good grades, are healthy and athletic, and hang out with respectable peers. Their teachers say great things about them. The other parents find them polite and engaging. They don't have problems with other kids. It's just that they are so demanding with us (they always want things) and we do spend lots of time and money on them.

Sounds like they learned how to manipulate you and your wife!
I would work on changing how you deal with them, rather than contemplating "divorcing' them.... or it WILL get worse.
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:35 PM
 
Location: West Texas
958 posts, read 2,127,923 times
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I know this isn't popular today but you're the husband, the dad... the man in the house. You are the leader, protector, provider you set the tone. Not in a sexist or bullied way. They will learn from your example. Discuss it with your wife and come up with a strategy that gives control back to you and your wife. It wont be easy I'm sure but once you start don't stop and don't get wishy washy. You and your wife stand firm not harsh but firm, fair but firm. It will be worth it in the long run.

I went through something similar with my daughters so I understand what you're saying.
They are grown and on their own now and the regaining control was a struggle but worth it.
From one dad to another you CAN do it good luck!!!
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,338 posts, read 93,524,803 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turkeytrot View Post
I know this isn't popular today but you're the husband, the dad... the man in the house. You are the leader, protector, provider you set the tone. Not in a sexist or bullied way. They will learn from your example. Discuss it with your wife and come up with a strategy that gives control back to you and your wife. It wont be easy I'm sure but once you start don't stop and don't get wishy washy. You and your wife stand firm not harsh but firm, fair but firm. It will be worth it in the long run.

I went through something similar with my daughters so I understand what you're saying.
They are grown and on their own now and the regaining control was a struggle but worth it.
From one dad to another you CAN do it good luck!!!
I try and I am the enforcer but it seems to make them resent me even more. The other day my oldest said something like "See, Dad, this is why we don't talk to you [or something like that] or want to do things with you...."
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:39 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,143,213 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
I try and I am the enforcer but it seems to make them resent me even more. The other day my oldest said something like "See, Dad, this is why we don't talk to you [or something like that] or want to do things with you...."
Effective discipline needn't be mean or painful. The more *effective* you are, the less that they can fail to take responsibility for themselves. It is on them, not on you.
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Old 05-13-2013, 03:20 PM
 
13,976 posts, read 25,861,632 times
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Poor Charles. I'm in the opposite position, the lone female in an all male household. But, my own father had 4 boys followed by 3 girls. He did fine with the boys, he coached Little League and that sort of thing, but I know he struggled with the girls. He decided to take each of us out to dinner, just a Daddy and Me thing, on our birthdays. I can tell you, once he initiated that, I would have done anything for him. We were solidly middle class, and he was determined to see us educated, so there wasn't a whole lot of cash for extras. That dinner meant the world to me.

Divide, and conquer.
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Old 05-13-2013, 04:35 PM
 
Location: 53179
14,416 posts, read 22,402,370 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
I try and I am the enforcer but it seems to make them resent me even more. The other day my oldest said something like "See, Dad, this is why we don't talk to you [or something like that] or want to do things with you...."
Thats just plain disrespectful.
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:05 PM
 
32,516 posts, read 37,051,368 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
The other day my oldest said something like "See, Dad, this is why we don't talk to you [or something like that] or want to do things with you...."
Somehow, you've lost their respect. If you ever had it to start with.

Which you probably already know.

When did you decide buying them off was a good idea? Because that's what you're doing. The cash goes out and they don't make a fuss. They've got you soooo figured out.

Now you need to figure out how to change your family. I hope you do. No parent should be spending time thinking about how they'd like to divorce their kids.
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