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Not yet a parent, but as an introverted child, I would have completely wilted under attachment parenting. I think it can be a great tool for some families, but I needed a lot of alone time myself - even as a toddler (though that generally meant grabbing some blocks and hiding in the corner).
Attachment parenting is not about what you think it's about. At the core it's about respecting the needs of the child. If you're an introvert who needs alone time, then AP would advise your parents try to meet that need.
Hyper engagement is a hothousing parenting thing, not an AP thing. They're the kind who have their one year old in chinese class.
Personally, my children have a lot of down time. Boredom is valuable for creativity, so I'll send them into the yard for a couple of hours, or they'll play in their rooms. At three I was not ashamed to sit a child in front of the TV for an hour so I could have down time. Or hand them to their father and go to the library at 6pm.
Attachment parenting is not about what you think it's about. At the core it's about respecting the needs of the child. If you're an introvert who needs alone time, then AP would advise your parents try to meet that need.
Hyper engagement is a hothousing parenting thing, not an AP thing. They're the kind who have their one year old in chinese class.
Ah. So I can continue ignoring it as a useless idea! Thanks!
I always viewed that most intense period of attachment parenting as a temporary thing, and it is when you consider the life of your kids overall. If I felt "touched out", I found alone time by staying up after everyone was asleep, or taking a little time for myself to read in the library or hit the thrift stores to restore some balance.
Balance is key.
I know that "touched out" feeling. By the time my husband gets home, I just want no one to touch me at all. However, I don't remember feeling that way when my son was a baby - it started a little later, when the touching was more of a jumping on and tugging on thing. I just don't think it has anything to do with being an introvert- anyone would get sick of being jumped and climbed on all day, and anyone would need a break from the constant neediness. I don't disagree that everyone needs some time away - just that these feelings are not related to being an introvert. That's something different.
I know that "touched out" feeling. By the time my husband gets home, I just want no one to touch me at all. However, I don't remember feeling that way when my son was a baby - it started a little later, when the touching was more of a jumping on and tugging on thing. I just don't think it has anything to do with being an introvert- anyone would get sick of being jumped and climbed on all day, and anyone would need a break from the constant neediness. I don't disagree that everyone needs some time away - just that these feelings are not related to being an introvert. That's something different.
Here is the thing. No child "needs" to use their mother as a jungle gym all day long. I agree that it has nothing to do with being an introvert. But the notion that one cannot even touch one's husband because the kid is "needy" just is not so. Play jungle gym for a bit. Then out the kid down for pete's sake.
Here is the thing. No child "needs" to use their mother as a jungle gym all day long. I agree that it has nothing to do with being an introvert. But the notion that one cannot even touch one's husband because the kid is "needy" just is not so. Play jungle gym for a bit. Then out the kid down for pete's sake.
Introverts require periodic alone-time in order to function properly, so constant connection to their children is simply not reasonable. Does this make them bad parents? No, says Lynn Beinser, it just makes them human.
I thought this was a great article. It's so true that many of the parenting theories today are really oriented at extroverts - stressing the need for constant interaction and engaging your child, always giving them full attention, always listening and talking and explaining every little thing to them. All the things I've always believed in and thought would come naturally to me - except I'm realizing they're not.
I'm an introvert and NEED my space and alone time. Somehow I never thought I could get tired from interacting with my own child - but I do; and thinking about it in these terms helps me not feel so guilty about not enjoying constant interaction with my three year old and wanting time away from everyone. I almost get physically tired of talking, and I just want to not.say.anything. But then I feel like I'm cheating DS out of that interaction, missing out on potential learning moments or just fun moments that I'll regret later. It's always a struggle to find that balance between feeling emotionally drained yet meeting DS's needs. DS has actually become a lot clingier lately than he was when he was younger, and he needs that interaction and other kids aren't always available, and I'm finding it difficult to always be 'on', or even 70% of the time.
Any other introverts out there feeling similar?
Actually, i'm an extrovert and this also applies to me. I dont think its just an introvert thing. Being with a baby 24/7 is not the same as having time and conversation with adults. It wears on you. However, you can still attachment parent, assuming you have a spouse. Its even easier if you have siblings and parents nearby. Any loving family member can meet the needs of a baby. it doesnt always have to be mom. and, regardless of personality type, mom should be making sure she gets some down time to recharge her batteries. But it shouldnt be done at the expense of the child.
The jumping and climbing has nothing to do with attachment. Thats a child who needs to be taught boundaries and personal space. When i think of attachment parenting, i think of an infant who needs to be held. Once they dont need to be held all the time (because they prefer to walk) they are old enough to learn to treat other people how they would want to be treated.
The jumping and climbing has nothing to do with attachment. Thats a child who needs to be taught boundaries and personal space. When i think of attachment parenting, i think of an infant who needs to be held. Once they dont need to be held all the time (because they prefer to walk) they are old enough to learn to treat other people how they would want to be treated.
You are absolutely spot on that these different philosophies get a bit muddled in their application sometimes. I remember reading that attachment parenting was about meeting your child's needs and thinking which parenting philosophy purports to be about NOT meeting your child's needs?
You are absolutely spot on that these different philosophies get a bit muddled in their application sometimes. I remember reading that attachment parenting was about meeting your child's needs and thinking which parenting philosophy purports to be about NOT meeting your child's needs?
Well, I do agree with what you're saying here, generslly speaking. But i personally think that Babywise is an example of one philosophy that could be accused of putting parents comfort above baby's needs AND confusing what is and what isn't attachment parenting.
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