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Really, AP is a very lazy way of parenting, and one of the reasons it worked very well for me. Less stress, more sleep, less to fret over in general, and cheaper. I don't see anything 'neurotic' about any of it. Maybe you were working with a small sampling of moms...?
Yah that was my point. How people apply the principals can go far afield of the principals themselves.
I definitely find that introversion impacted my parenting philosophy. I totally dig newborns and young toddlers, but once they get to the stage where they need a lot of social interaction, I find it incredibly draining. It's funny when I'll take them to a playground to play, and (judging by the Bad Mommy Death Glares from the other parents) I guess I'm supposed to feel bad about not joining in their play, but seriously, that's my chance to not interact with anyone, for once. I'm good for 10 minutes of swing-pushing, then after that its time to rub elbows with their peers, while I park it on a bench and enjoy some quiet contemplation.
I think that it is unfair to hold AP out and make jokes. Especially when the reality is that many of the approaches are some of the most traditional in terms of old world childrearing and well-respected practices from days of old. What's wrong with a woman prefers not to put her kid in a stroller but to sling or hold her child instead? What's wrong with a woman who bfeeds to kidnergarten? It is only "extreme" (your wording) because our western society is much more focused on comfort of the adult than the notion of the adult going out of their way for their child. In some societies, a woman who DOES NOT bfeed until age 5 or who does not hold her baby a good amount of the day would be considered extreme. It all depends on the culture. The western culture in which we live is very focused on the comfort of the adults and the child must fit into our world. That is our framework but that does not have to be the framework and there is nothing wrong with putting the child first. Why taunt that?
I think it has more to do with how our culture values independence and self-sufficiency more than many other cultures. I'm not saying that AP fosters co-dependence, but rather that it can foster fear of co-dependence, kwim? It's also important to keep in mind that Western culture is unique in that we generally don't have the communal approach to child-rearing that the rest of the world has; instead of having a close network of extended family to help bear the responsibilities, we live in a culture where one mom is expected to leap from the delivery table, right into single-handedly meet all of the physical and emotional needs of several children at once. In cultures where families are more communal, it's easier to be child-centered because the ratio of children:caregivers is opposite that of Western cultures.
I definitely find that introversion impacted my parenting philosophy. I totally dig newborns and young toddlers, but once they get to the stage where they need a lot of social interaction, I find it incredibly draining. It's funny when I'll take them to a playground to play, and (judging by the Bad Mommy Death Glares from the other parents) I guess I'm supposed to feel bad about not joining in their play, but seriously, that's my chance to not interact with anyone, for once. I'm good for 10 minutes of swing-pushing, then after that its time to rub elbows with their peers, while I park it on a bench and enjoy some quiet contemplation.
This sounds like something a good person/parent would do to me! You're taking care of BOTH of you and that's a great thing.
Okay, couldn't stand it, decided to take a couple of "introvert/extrovert" quizzes, just to see where I am these days. I am currently 20% Extrovert-80% Introvert.
Truth be told, I'd go to the park with my child/grandchild. I'd play with them for 5-10 min., nod at the other mothers and hope none of them talked to me, then would go off by myself, relax and watch my child play.
I also did some research on what attachment parenting really is. Honestly, I think most GOOD mothers (fathers) ARE "attached parents". There may be subtle differences between their parenting styles, but for the most part, there are a lot of parents out there who really do try to figure out what makes their kids tick and try to make sure they end up being emotionally healthy individuals.
What we're really fighting against though, as parents......is that damn peer pressure! LOL
That's me, as well My husband will go to the park and run around with the kids, make small talk with every parent within a 20 foot radius, run into at least half a dozen people he knows, etc. And I'm lurking in the shadows wonder why he hasn't been Mace'd yet. The best part is he thinks he's an introvert!
I do agree that we get too hung up on parenting "labels," like we feel the need to define ourselves. I find that parents tend to be less hung up on labels as their children get older... perhaps because the breast vs bottle, stroller vs sling, cry-it-out vs rock-to-sleep, etc loses its relevancy when we realize that it was never all that crucial to begin with.
That's me, as well My husband will go to the park and run around with the kids, make small talk with every parent within a 20 foot radius, run into at least half a dozen people he knows, etc. And I'm lurking in the shadows wonder why he hasn't been Mace'd yet. The best part is he thinks he's an introvert!
Oh HILARIOUS! My husband thinks I'M the one who is most comfortable around other people, but YES, he will do the same THING at the park. Me? I'm going to find the quietest spot and watch quietly...or wander, quietly.
Of course, my husband would likely be indistinguishable (other than size) from all of the other kids. He'd speak to the parents, but then he'd be right out there in the middle, pushing EVERYones kids on the swings, orgainizing the merry-go-round, so that he could push all of the kids on it. When it comes to kids, especially LITTLE ones, my hubby becomes a nanny/best friend. He becomes one of their play toys. LOL
Somebodynew, the scheduling parents are the neurotic ones. I can't tell you how many times I've seen mother and baby melt down because they weren't permitted to sleep yet, or eating had to happen even though they were tired or a long nap would throw their schedule out. Because if your three month old sleeps at 3:30 instead of 3:20 it will ruin them for LIFE!!11!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelySummer
I thought that listening to and putting the needs of your child first WAS AP. I think you are AP. I say that in a good way. Is AP a dirty word? I'm trying to understand this aversion to what seems like the most nurturing parenting approach out there. Is nurture a dirty word now?
I'm sure others would label me AP, but I've never read Sears, I don't buy into potted philosophies and more importantly when I need to make a parenting decision I look at the science, consider our personalities and make a decision about what works for us. I don't check that it falls under any label. So I might be following the principles of AP to a T, but that's just coincidence. I'm just me, and I'm my children's mother.
Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting
Feed with Love and Respect
Respond with Sensitivity
Use Nurturing Touch
Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Provide Consistent and Loving Care
Practice Positive Discipline
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
Really, AP is a very lazy way of parenting, and one of the reasons it worked very well for me. Less stress, more sleep, less to fret over in general, and cheaper. I don't see anything 'neurotic' about any of it. Maybe you were working with a small sampling of moms...?
Again, I don't think some of y'all have an accurate view of what attachment parenting entails. I am an introvert who loves my alone time. I still had no problem with attachment parenting, because I recognized my own needs for what keeps me sane and happy, and sought out another adult to get my alone time.
But do you recognize that need in your child?
I was referring to myself as a child here. This would have suffocated me. As a parent, I have no interest in attachment parenting because I know it would have been horrible for me as a child. It goes too against the personality type I was born with. I've always been one to watch, learn and contemplate. So much so that a doctor actually told my mother I was retarded at two. You see he gave me a pen and paper to play with while he talked to her and instead of drawing something, I took the pen apart and looked at the pieces (My earliest memory in life is taking apart pens because I was fascinated by the fact you could take the guts out, put them back together and have something that looked like a pen that didn't work. I couldn't wrap my brain around why they didn't work if they looked just like the pens that had their guts inside). My earliest, happy, memories, in life, are of me sitting by myself expermenting on my world. Attachment parenting would have been a horrible thing to put me through.
Somebodynew, the scheduling parents are the neurotic ones.
It does not take a specific philosophy to be neurotic!
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My husband will go to the park and run around with the kids, make small talk with every parent within a 20 foot radius, run into at least half a dozen people he knows, etc. And I'm lurking in the shadows wonder why he hasn't been Mace'd yet. The best part is he thinks he's an introvert!
