U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 05-28-2013, 05:32 PM
 
11,636 posts, read 20,869,235 times
Reputation: 12183

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
this is a bit off-topic, but I always wondered about the minute-per-year of age timeout rule. What happens if nothing changes in these three minutes? Just basing it on my DS, it takes him a long time to wind down from a tantrum, and three minutes is nowhere close for him to be able to calm down and stop screaming/whining etc, it's just enough for him to wind up more. That's part of the reason we haven't really done true timeouts, because I don't want to keep him there for the 20-30 minutes that it actually takes him to calm down. So I tend to either walk away myself, or just go about my business and ignore him until he's calm. However it becomes problematic when we're on a time crunch and need to leave the house, get dressed, eat or go to sleep etc., and I don't have the time to wait it out. What then? Sorry for hijacking your thread, OP.
I don't think time outs are the best way to handle tantrums. I think the best way to handle tantrums is to ignore them assuming you are somewhere that you can do that. Time outs are best used when your child is exhibiting unwanted behavior such as hitting, grabbing, acting out, but is still calm.

 
Old 05-28-2013, 06:17 PM
 
912 posts, read 883,976 times
Reputation: 1564
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
I never used timeouts for yelling/screaming/kicking type tantrums. I walked away and ignored, or if it was really bad, I would get on the floor, kneel down behind my child, and bring them in/hug them in close to me while speaking to them in a calm voice. It seemed to work for them.
This reminds me of a woman I used to know..when her 3 year old would have screaming fits...she would put her on the bed or couch and LAY ON HER...I was like, what? She never hurt her, but would lay on her until the child calmed down ...

That was the strangest thing I ever heard. Until today.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,068 posts, read 18,493,180 times
Reputation: 44958
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amisi View Post
I don't know if you're just a troll looking to spark some controversy but if you're not, what you're doing is emotionally abusing your child.

First, a 3.5 year old shouldn't be in time out for more than 3.5 minutes.

You should NEVER put a child in a cage (ie: the laundry basket)

Don't threaten to abandon him (jiggling the keys and shutting the door)

At 3, you're not dropping him at "school"; you're dropping him at a day care center

If your husband is screaming at him and "his actions scare you" then your husband is NOT a good parent.

You BOTH need help. You're not being good parents. You're emotionally (and possibly physically) abusing a 3 1/2 year old child. It's no wonder the child acts as he does (hitting, running over your foot with the trike, spitting out water in an attempt to get attention).

Go to some parenting classes (or call supernanny!) before this gets worse. Your son will grow up to be a very angry/violent child and then a very angry/violent teen and (if he gets that far) a very angry/violent adult.
Excellent points.

I also predict that someone will report you to Children's Protective Services sometime in the future, if these are typical examples of you and your husband's parenting skills.

If you love your child please get help.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,874 posts, read 13,914,034 times
Reputation: 29049
Quote:
Originally Posted by pegotty View Post
I also want to add that the time out should not be considered a punishment. The purpose of the time out is for the child to get his emotions together without continued stimulation. This gives him the time and opportunity to choose to do the right thing. Usually once it's done you can have a reasonable talk about his choices and how/why to make the right ones ...
That seems to work, too. I've known children who will put themselves into the time out chair when they know they are over-stimulated or inappropriately emotional. I remember my small niece, a real screamer, once getting out of the chair when her time was up and saying solemnly, "No, I don't think I'm ready yet. I'll go back." And she did. And when she re-entered the crowd a short time later she was calm and well-behaved. She is now a lovely young adult in school full-time with a demanding part-time job and plans for grad school, so a simple time-out chair worked for her.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,068 posts, read 18,493,180 times
Reputation: 44958
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
I never used timeouts for yelling/screaming/kicking type tantrums. I walked away and ignored, or if it was really bad, I would get on the floor, kneel down behind my child, and bring them in/hug them in close to me while speaking to them in a calm voice. It seemed to work for them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by njmom66 View Post
This reminds me of a woman I used to know..when her 3 year old would have screaming fits...she would put her on the bed or couch and LAY ON HER...I was like, what? She never hurt her, but would lay on her until the child calmed down ...

That was the strangest thing I ever heard. Until today.
For some children deep pressure (a firm, continuous hug) can be a very effective way to calm and relax them when they are out of control.

However, actually laying on a child (especially on a soft surface, or if a parent puts too much weight on the child) can be very dangerous. Children have been suffocated to death by this method of calming. I wanted to mention this so that other posters do not try that method.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 06:35 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
6,647 posts, read 7,033,399 times
Reputation: 9981
When I was three I bit my mother...she promptly bit me back...I never bit again...oh the good old days!!! That said don't put your kid in a laundry basket...really what lesson does that teach?
 
Old 05-28-2013, 06:38 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,576,373 times
Reputation: 5573
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Excellent points.

I also predict that someone will report you to Children's Protective Services sometime in the future, if these are typical examples of you and your husband's parenting skills.

If you love your child please get help.
While I agree the OP's actions are not the best examples of parenting, I really think people are being a bit overdramatic regarding CPS and the like. I have yet to hear of CPS being called because a parent splashed water on a child. If the OP and her husband were truly abusive, by 3.5 there would be way more serious things going on than laundry basket or splashing water (which the OP feels guilty about anyway). She never even mentioned spanking, yet many people are pro-spanking on this board and are not dealing with CPS...
 
Old 05-28-2013, 06:41 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,576,373 times
Reputation: 5573
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishiis49 View Post
When I was three I bit my mother...she promptly bit me back...I never bit again...oh the good old days!!! That said don't put your kid in a laundry basket...really what lesson does that teach?
If you think about how past generations were brought up, it's really amazing that they all didn't turn into a nation of murderous sociopaths...makes you think the human psyche is really way more stable than we give it credit for
 
Old 05-28-2013, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,068 posts, read 18,493,180 times
Reputation: 44958
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
While I agree the OP's actions are not the best examples of parenting, I really think people are being a bit overdramatic regarding CPS and the like. I have yet to hear of CPS being called because a parent splashed water on a child. If the OP and her husband were truly abusive, by 3.5 there would be way more serious things going on than laundry basket or splashing water (which the OP feels guilty about anyway). She never even mentioned spanking, yet many people are pro-spanking on this board and are not dealing with CPS...
I was more concerned about the parent putting him in a cage (laundry basket) for an extended period and the child being afraid of the father & the father telling the mom that she was "not mean enough" to the child than the water being splashed. Those are not things that I would report to CPS (as a teacher I am a mandatory reporter of suspected abuse) however, most parents know that it is inappropriate and would not ask others if their behavior is "cruel".

If these parents are doing this type of parenting now, I would be greatly concerned about the punishment becoming more severe as the child gets older unless they learn appropriate parenting skills.

Do you think that Mom was "not mean enough" to the child?
 
Old 05-28-2013, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,156 posts, read 54,295,516 times
Reputation: 72969
Yeah.
Intimidation and fear are not the way to go.
For any situation.
It just means you've lost control.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top