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Our neighborhood has a many kids and sometimes it is like kids going 'house to house'; we have spoken with parents, set boundaries, and try to limit untimely interruptions to our family life (i.e. dinner, etc) and have been mostly successful. Until the pool opened. Our neighborhood has a pool but you have to pay annually to have access to it. You can bring friends, but you have to register them and pay extra each day you bring them. Some kids are signed up for the pool, some aren't; some used to be but parents no longer join. A neighbor a couple houses down shows up, daily since Memorial Day, asking when we are going to the pool and can she go. The first time, my kids jumped up and down and begged; I thought OK, it's only $6 so ok this time. Of course I didn't count on the cost of extra ice cream and other treats as the day went on, but I didn't worry about it because it was not all the time, no different than maybe taking a friend to the movies, etc. I didn't plan to make a habit of it. WELL...she kept showing up. One time she came right as we were going out the door in bathing suits with our pool gear. The kids didn't go crazy because I explained that we can't take someone every time we go and they seemed to read me loud and clear. The friend, however, was insistent and called her mom on the spot and her mom said 'sure honey!'. OK, so I am thinking how do I diffuse this and set boundaries; do I tell the mom she invited herself? Do I give them information about guest passes cost? (duh, they were former pool members. They KNOW). Do I do what I want to do which is throw all my stuff up in the air and say NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (total mind fantasy scene but what I felt like inside). But my kids were out the door and ready to go so I didn't fight it and went with the flow. My own fault; I should have just called the mom myself and been straight with her about it and hoped that she would understand and it would not impact the 'neighborhood' groove. And, maybe I just needed to worry less about disrupting neighbor relations in favor of my own sanity.
Has anyone else had similar situations? I am sure it is similar if you have your own pool in the back yard and kids invite themselves over-- that adds elements all of its own, but atleast you don't have to pay cash $$$ every time they get in the pool! :} I am thinking I just need to tell the parents hey, I can't afford to keep this up, so either she doesn't go or we work something else out. How to say that in the right tone/diplomatic manner is where I am getting stuck. I am at the point of being a little peeved and don't want that to be the main vibe and I am not very good at hiding how I feel.
And she just rang the doorbell again. My son was out in his bathing suit spraying sunscreen on the front porch. Here we go! I may not have time to get opinions--- arrrrrg!!
You need to either tell her or her parents that you can no longer be responsible for her at the pool. Her parents may also be under the impression that you've been inviting her.
Also, just tell the child no next time, that you can't be taking her anymore unless one of her parents comes along.
Been there, done that. You really do have to speak up. It's unfortunate for the child to be denied access to a pool her friends are going to, but it is nervy of the parents to allow her to ask, especially since they know the cost involved. Then too, there is the responsibility of another person's child to watch around the water. I wouldn't even go along with the other parents paying the guest fees if it was a regular thing.
I would absolutely tell the other parents it has become a burden, and you are sorry, but unless it's a special occasion, the pool trips cannot continue.
You all are awesome. Sometimes an outside perspective brings things into focus. I just have to be firm and direct, and you're right, who knows what her parents think. They may actually think we are initiating the invites. Thanks! Off to the pool...
Also, just tell the child no next time, that you can't be taking her anymore unless one of her parents comes along.
In a nutshell, that was the most forward advice. She can not go unless her parent goes. That is how I dealt with it, and it never happened again.
Sounds like great advice.
Our local YMCA charges a hefty visitors fee for all guests (I think that it is $10 a visit) but they also have a policy that a visitor may only come three times amonth (even if they pay and even if they are guests of different members). Members get three or four free passes every six months.
I know that some neighborhood pools have the same type of policy (it is usually waived if you have someone visiting for a week or something like that).
As someone else posted, maybe the mother assumed that you and your kids were doing the inviting and really wanted the extra child along. Also, they may not have realized that it cost extra for the extra child.
I like the advice that the kid can't go unless mom goes too.
Beyond that, you should address this with the pool officials because most pools I'm familiar with do have limits on the number of times you can bring a guest to avoid this kind of situation, someone taking advantage of the situation.
Of course, they probably like getting the $6 fee each time, but it needs to be addressed.
If paying the fee for her is the main issue for you, I would probably say something like "If you want to come along, you'll need to go home and get some money first to pay for the entrance" and then wait and see if she does it.
If it's just about not wanting a tag-along in general then I would go with what other posters have mentioned, telling her she can't come unless she has a parent with her.
Personally I wouldn't want the responsibility of watching someone else's kid at a pool, unless I was close with the parent(s), or this was an older kid.
My teenaged son has friends who live close, it is both a blessing and a curse!
Yes -- I like the one where you tell her that her mother has to come also so she can watch her -- that's a good point because you might have more than enough kids of your own and can't really watch all of them.
The other would be that sure she can go but this time it's her mom paying for everyone, she has to go home first and get $25 dollars from her mother. Or at the very least her mother has to give her the $6 for the pool and $10 for food and snacks.
The first time this happened I would have said to the child "We can take you today but first we're going to stop by your house to get $15 to cover the cost of admission and snacks." The kid does not know any better but her parents certainly should.
Whenever we've been confronted with something like this I always tell my kids we have to have a phone call from the parent for it to be a real invitation and I've also taught them never to invite themselves. Parents have to initiate the invitations and we will not answer through kids either.
So next time tell the little girl "When we want to invite you to the pool, we will call your Mom to make the invitation directly through her". It is so sad this little girl is not being taught the proper way to act.
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