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I"m confused about why you care so much what she does with her own children. If you want to do the same things that she does, then do them. If you don't, then don't. What is there to be jealous about?
I"m confused about why you care so much what she does with her own children. If you want to do the same things that she does, then do them. If you don't, then don't. What is there to be jealous about?
Exactly.
I don't think there is anything to be jealous of here. She's not perfect, nobody is. Parent the way you've always done, and don't bother about other parents and their methods.
I can empathize with the OP -- I work full time, and could never stay home with my kids beyond brief maternity leaves. (DH is self-employed and works from home, so he gets that job).
Anyway, there was always this one mom, stay-at-home, who always had it so TOGETHER. I was, and am, totally jealous of all the stuff she could do for her kids. My life is barely controlled chaos and I would have loved to have the luxury of sitting down with my kids and, say, crafting precious stick figures out of pipe cleaners or something. Whatever. Home-baked everything. Chauffeuring them to one class after another. Backyard play events. Perfectly planned birthday parties. Spotless home all the time. You know the mom.
Grr.
It's not like my kids are feral - they're happy and healthy and do lots of stuff and LOVE it when we do have time to spend together. But I miss a lot by working, and that one mom always seemed to find a way to get to me. It wasn't anything she did directly, it was my jealousy and my guilt. So I understand the feeling.
Remember that when they're older, they are likely to notice cool things about YOU that the SIL doesn't display. My kids are proud of my position now, and even though they still wish I could be home all the time, they understand much better. I'm sure you do lots of things they'll prefer too.
Being a mom is exhausting. Being a supermom is impossible. What we see from the outside is not necessarily reality.
For instance, one of my mom friends always has this really clean house, in spite of two little kids and two huge dogs. Well, I recently learned that she has a cleaning lady (even though she's a stay at home mom). So much for the "supermom"!
I have a SIL that is so super mom it makes me both sick and jealous at the same time.
All she does it work with her kids around the clock. She has 2. I have a daughter almost the same age as hers. Her daughter has always been ahead of mine in development, not because my daughter is behind (she is on track) but because SIL spends so much time with her daughters development , . She spends countless time, effort, and money on her kids making sure they are well developed.
Examples: sends kids to private catholic school, works with them all day long, she had her daughter potty trained at 1 yr. , and shortly after that using sign language. She is giving her 7 year old son homework (1hr a week)in summer to keep him sharp for next grade, has made him play piano and recitals for 2 years even though he doesn't like it. She (in my opinion) over coddles them, 2 yr old still breast feeds and only naps when she is in a sling up against her mom. they all still sleep in same bed together (even 7 year old) and SIL allows / promotes it. I have many other examples but do not wish to go on and on.
She is also a major planner planning all activities as much as a year in advance, over plans, over packs items for her kids. If she had to throw together a quick diaper bag and run out the door on a moments notices she would never survive .
the kids are very well adjusted and behaved, so I guess I shouldn't be sick over her desire to work with her kids and advance there development. I guess I am somewhat Jealous because her daughter is always ahead of mine. I do not want to spend every waking hour to make my daughter that way, I just want her to be a normal kid growing up "on track or target" with a normal everyday life going to public school.
You are envious, not jealous. Envy is a totally different thing that jealousy.
Anyone who spends this much time taking notes and comparing and then coming up with reasons why someone else is "over doing it" as far as their parenting style is just plain out looking for excuses for their own behavior (and your child's behavior).
Why on earth would you care if someone else's child, much less a SIL, potty trained her kid early or that her child signs, or is ahead academically? It all evens out by the time we are in our 20s, lol - you can't separate the "gifted" kids from the "normal" kids by that stage and isn't that what it is all about? Raising healthy kids to be healthy adults?
Stop with the comparisons. Do things your way and don't be so focused on how your SIL does things. She has as much right to parent HER WAY as you do to parent your way. No right or wrong; kids are individual, as are mothers. We all have our quirks and our reasons for doing things as we do. Unless she is abusing her kids or is a druggie and liable to set the house on fire, stay out of it and concentrate on enjoying your own home life.
Sounds to me you are doing fine with your child! Enjoy being a mother -- being a parent is not a competition.
I have a SIL that is so super mom it makes me both sick and jealous at the same time.
All she does it work with her kids around the clock. She has 2. I have a daughter almost the same age as hers. Her daughter has always been ahead of mine in development, not because my daughter is behind (she is on track) but because SIL spends so much time with her daughters development , . She spends countless time, effort, and money on her kids making sure they are well developed.
Examples: sends kids to private catholic school, works with them all day long, she had her daughter potty trained at 1 yr. , and shortly after that using sign language. She is giving her 7 year old son homework (1hr a week)in summer to keep him sharp for next grade, has made him play piano and recitals for 2 years even though he doesn't like it. She (in my opinion) over coddles them, 2 yr old still breast feeds and only naps when she is in a sling up against her mom. they all still sleep in same bed together (even 7 year old) and SIL allows / promotes it. I have many other examples but do not wish to go on and on.
She is also a major planner planning all activities as much as a year in advance, over plans, over packs items for her kids. If she had to throw together a quick diaper bag and run out the door on a moments notices she would never survive .
the kids are very well adjusted and behaved, so I guess I shouldn't be sick over her desire to work with her kids and advance there development. I guess I am somewhat Jealous because her daughter is always ahead of mine. I do not want to spend every waking hour to make my daughter that way, I just want her to be a normal kid growing up "on track or target" with a normal everyday life going to public school.
So why am I still jealous .
Your daughter can catch up, so don't worry. I have relatives whose kids are always ahead of mine and it drives me crazy. They are super wealthy and are both very successful. They send their kids to expensive private schools and take them overseas for vacations. I try to just ignore it and not think about it. I console myself with the fact that plenty of advantaged kids who did well as children end up being unhappy, mal-adjusted adults who don't succeed at anything. I know this because my mom was always jealous of one relative whose kids were always ahead of me. Those kids really were bright and privileged, and one is now the super successful wealthy one that I am jealous of, but the other is a total loser whose chronically unemployed. So clearly it's a crapshoot no matter what - there is no guarantee at all that your SIL's kids will end up any better than yours.
My best friend is a super mom. She's a super woman. She's tall, thin, strong, and beautiful. She works out hard every day. She's an amazing teacher (HS). She's super organized and she works with her daughter, who at 5 years old can read at the 3rd or 4th grade level, tested for a crazy high IQ, goes to the best private school in her area. Her relationship with her kid is so dedicated and I admire a million things about her. Obviously, she has her faults as we all do. I don't know if I will be able to do anything close to what my friend does, but my dh and I will do our best. The way I see it is that at least I have a great model to look at and a person to turn towards for advice and ideas for good ways to raise my daughter. So, my advice OP is to skip the jealousy stuff and maybe look to your SIL as a resource. And this reminds me of my SILs who also happen to be extraordinary women and moms. They inspire me as well.
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What is there to be jealous about?
