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Old 06-09-2013, 03:32 AM
 
Location: DC/NYC
332 posts, read 759,375 times
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Reality is that the new grads not from your generation are having a harder time finding jobs after high school or college graduation since a bachelors doesn't get you far unless you know people who know people at the same time rent and cost of lilving and food is on the rise so yes there are more adult children living at home and needing help from parents. It's much harder to be independent now with a career, job, car, house than it was in your generation. For kids now it will take a while longer for that to happen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthedealwith View Post
My family is rife with adult children (nieces, nephews, cousins) who either come home after college and work a part time job while sponging off their parents or adult kids who don't go to college and live at home with or without a job.
This floors me as my siblings and I were raised to be very independent. I don't quite understand how the same people I grew up with now let their kids be so useless.

There is no reason for it. Nothing is wrong with any of these kids. I have one nephew who is going to college this fall and he says he "may not bother to look" for a summer job because he is "leaving in August." Uhhh, yeah. That is what is called a SUMMER job. And my niece is 25 and has only had a job for a few weeks at a time. She goes EVERYWHERE with her mom and is spoiled rotten. I often have to remind myself how old she is because I literally see her as being 12 or 13 due to her behavior and level of independence.

I was grousing about this to a friend who says his youngest sister just graduated from college and has no plans to get an apartment or do anything other than move home with her mom. Is this a generational thing that I just don't get? I am 36, so not that old, but seriously, I do not understand.
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Old 06-09-2013, 10:08 AM
 
47,531 posts, read 61,965,006 times
Reputation: 22305
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Goals change. Society changes.

The idea of having financial security/money in the bank was unheard of when I was in my 20's. (I'm a Boomer.) Most left home at 18, to serve during Vietnam, or after college graduation. Like the day after. NO ONE in my circle was hanging around the house saving up money to get a house. People didn't even save up for first and last month's rent. You just got more roommates or lived in a scummier place. We left home with little or nothing in the bank and no one expected to live in a condo with a pool and a gym and a place full of electronic toys. Whatever. Things change.

You can't apply standards from 40 years ago to the way people live now.
Yes things change, values change -- but what is that going to mean for the future? I almost thought some college professors were exaggerating when they talked of parents showing up demanding an explanation on why they gave their child a C or parents calling them up to check up on child's progress or homework.

Now I think they weren't exaggerating, in my work place we've had mommies calling in to report their 26 year old child isn't feeling good and won't be in to work.

In the past there were always those rare people whose parents couldn't cut their placenta cord but it's becoming quite common today.
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Old 06-09-2013, 10:16 AM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,360,017 times
Reputation: 2358
Quote:
Originally Posted by cra2ybeautiful View Post
Reality is that the new grads not from your generation are having a harder time finding jobs after high school or college graduation since a bachelors doesn't get you far unless you know people who know people at the same time rent and cost of lilving and food is on the rise so yes there are more adult children living at home and needing help from parents. It's much harder to be independent now with a career, job, car, house than it was in your generation. For kids now it will take a while longer for that to happen.
"Your generation?" Sounds like the OP was a Gen X and we are now talking about Gen Y/millenials. Not a whole lot has changed.

Generation X Finding it Hard to Get Ahead - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com

When I got out of college, I got my license to do hair so that I could work and support myself. My degree meant a whole lot of nothing. Grad degrees don't guarantee success either as many employers want people who are both educated AND experienced.
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Old 06-09-2013, 10:21 AM
 
47,531 posts, read 61,965,006 times
Reputation: 22305
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
"Beneficial" is hard to define and pin down. I agree that an adult child who is living at home but working and saving up for a house and/or paying off student loans and at the same time making some contribution to household expenses, even a modest one, in in a "mutually beneficial" situation. No issue there.

But the "mutually agreeable" part is tricky. Let us posit a free-loading, mooching situation (adult child is not employed or doing anything constuctive). That could be mutually agreeable if the parent has skewed values and an infantile need for the continued close proximity of the adult child. I would have an issue with that because the child is being cheated out of becoming a productive, autonomous adult. There is a pride of achievement which is missing for that child, and I think it's sad. I know of one case where it continued for a lifetime and another case where the jury is still out.
Pretty much my feeling on this. If for example, my daughter faced abuse and had a child or children, of course she can move home until she could get on her feet again.

In my in-laws case, he was a recovering alcoholic, marriage again was probably not the best thing for him, his mother was widowed and lonely and it was a mutually beneficial arrangement, he had a nice house to live in, he was able to stay on the wagon, he provided companionship to her. He did all the yard work, she cleaned the house and cooked the meals. He stayed sober and employed.

I agree with the "mutually agreeable" part being tricky -- a 40 year old who plays video games and expects a clothing allowance from his mother and a mother who didn't want to face an empty nest or cut the apron strings, might have a type of mutually agreeable arrangement. He's still crippled, the mother is still enabling his dependence.

I also don't buy the part of it being too hard to find a job -- my kids are getting all the jobs they could want, even my 17 year old was working two jobs all last summer. The one who graduated from college worked the entire time he was in college and got a job in his field within a month of graduating.
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Old 06-09-2013, 10:29 AM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,360,017 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post

I also don't buy the part of it being too hard to find a job -- my kids are getting all the jobs they could want, even my 17 year old was working two jobs all last summer. The one who graduated from college worked the entire time he was in college and got a job in his field within a month of graduating.

Agree. My 18 year old cousin just told me he couldn't find anywhere that was hiring and I rattled off four places that had signs out-- a local Starbucks, a fast food place, a store in the mall, and a restaurant that his family eats at all the time. He then made a different excuse.

My mom passed away recently and left him a modest sum for college. His parents told him. This has more to do with his inability to find a job than the market being bad. I guarantee if he was not aware that he had a few grand sitting in an account, he would be a lot more motivated to find work. Sometimes, if kids know there is a cushion or an option that does not involve hard work, their level of interest in "doing what it takes" really drops.
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Old 06-09-2013, 12:05 PM
 
11,636 posts, read 20,947,665 times
Reputation: 12183
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual View Post
Agree. My 18 year old cousin just told me he couldn't find anywhere that was hiring and I rattled off four places that had signs out-- a local Starbucks, a fast food place, a store in the mall, and a restaurant that his family eats at all the time. He then made a different excuse.

My mom passed away recently and left him a modest sum for college. His parents told him. This has more to do with his inability to find a job than the market being bad. I guarantee if he was not aware that he had a few grand sitting in an account, he would be a lot more motivated to find work. Sometimes, if kids know there is a cushion or an option that does not involve hard work, their level of interest in "doing what it takes" really drops.
A few thousand dollars won't last that long for someone who is not working.
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Old 06-09-2013, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,118 posts, read 18,671,713 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I honestly don't know anyone that fits this discription....Adult children I know who live at home are either going to school and working while living at home or recently graduated college and looking for work - which, despite what some posters think can be challenging regardless of one's major - business/STEM grads aren't guaranteed jobs immediately upon graduation either. I know of no adult children living at home and "mooching" off of their parents. They contribute whether it's financially, or by helping out with home maintenance or household chores etc. If people have adult children living at home who are "mooching", frankly, it's their own fault for setting low expectations of what it means to be a family member.
Ditto.
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Old 06-09-2013, 12:35 PM
 
Location: the heart is!
4,634 posts, read 3,991,251 times
Reputation: 10110
Default This...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
I would be delighted if my kids lived at home through college and beyond, at least until they get married. My parents were the "you're 18 now, don't let the door hit you on the way out" kind of people and my late teens and early 20's were a real struggle. I don't think my kids need to know hardship to appreciate what they had living in my house, which I think was some of my mother's motivation for kicking me out when I was 18. I'd rather have my kids live with me and save money for a down payment, or pay off student loans.
exactly! I love my children as much as I am sure my parents loved me...most certainly. I was home with my parents until I was 19, working a full time job and a part time job as well, babysitting the youngest sibling (a toddler), and doing the cooking and cleaning because both of my parents worked full time with a great deal of overtime when they could get it; I also contributed financially.

I moved into an apartment with a co-worker of mine and the rest is history. I enjoyed having my children at home until they felt ready to leave the nest and I don't regret it at all. I know they felt secure and comfortable and they did not take advantage of the generosity; it was a win-win for everyone.

Each family makes difficult decisions on a number of issues and in the end if they are loving and responsible to each other as a family unit, does what they think is best for everyone. There is a great deal of commitment, compromise, and sacrifice along the way but in the end I think it is/it was worth it.

Best regards, sincerly

HomeIsWhere...
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Old 06-09-2013, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Northern Maine
9,984 posts, read 15,434,754 times
Reputation: 10038
I went to work on a dairy farm when I was 14. Sunrise to sunset was the rule, 7 days a week. One day I was driving a tractor out of the barn and pulling a manure spreader that I had filled by hand. The Blue Angels flew by in formation. I thought I would rather be a Naval Aviator than drive that manure spreader. Nobody thought I could do that. I did it. It wasn't easy. It isn't supposed to be easy.

That said, farm families have lived together as extended families for centuries. It is normal. It is most definitely not normal for human beings to live in stacked up apartment towers in congested cities. Today we can work from anywhere. I know someone who lives six miles out in the woods and manages data bases. I feel badly for today's young adults. They have not been parented or educated in the classic sense. They deserved better and we failed them as a society.
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Old 06-09-2013, 08:04 PM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,360,017 times
Reputation: 2358
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
A few thousand dollars won't last that long for someone who is not working.
Oh I agree. But he actually mentioned that now he has more money than he would make working this summer. So I am sure that he feels justified in not doing so.
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