Would you limit your children's contact with a cheating grandfather? (custody, legal)
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so now you are equating infidelity with being a rapist, a racist and a serial murderer!!!
You are not teaching a kid it is OK to be a cheater by letting him continue his relationship with his grandfather. You can teach him adultery is wrong and at the same time teach him that his grandfather is a flawed human being, as we all are, still worthy of his love and company. I think it would far more wrong to teach judging others at such a young age. And especially such a close relationship as this one.
If grandpa got caught DUI would you not let him see his grandchild? (maybe not ride with him in the car but never to see him?)
If Grandma cheated on her taxes would you automatically say she can't see her grandchildren? The lessons we teach about loving and accepting flawed people hold a great deal of weight in their development. Again I am against the wrong behavior but not the person doing it.
My mother was a chain smoker. i found that to be a character flaw and it irritated (literally) me all my life. I stayed sick as a child because of it. I refused to let my kids be around her if she chose to smoke in front of them. I explained to my kids we love Granny but she has a bad and nasty and unhealthy habit which we don't want them around but we still love her and want her in our lives. They had absolutely no confusion or lack of stability because of this.
BTW eventually Granny quit smoking cold turkey after 45 years of 2-3 packs a day because she realized the negative effects in had in so many aspects of her life. She lived to be 87 years old.
Okay -- then I'll change the terms --- racist, shoplifter, mugger, drug trafficker, Nazi, wife abuser. I'll leave off serial killer and rapist if it makes you happy.
You cannot teach children that something is wrong, I consider infidelity to be a form of abuse. It's not acceptable and it sounds like this man is openly flaunting the fact that he views his wife (the grandmother) as nothing more than someone to dump on, lie to, run around on.
Adulterers don't really care about their families, the family is nothing but a convenience to them. At some point, family members shouldn't keep forgiving and forgiving, and yes, it's important to judge the behavior of family members. Openly cheat on a child's grandmother, show her absolutely no respect, you're not the grandchild's role model any longer.
Also if you've followed some of JayN's other posts, his own father was abusive to his mother and a cold-hearted husband and father. This was most likely the result of the example set by this paternal grandfather. Women are lower than dirt, they treat them poorly. True when they get old they might like to have something of a family around but they don't deserve it.
If I knew for a fact that one of my childrens' grandfathers was a philanderer, his access to my children would be limited to times when I was there as well. I would consider him to be an individual of low moral character and unfit as a role model. Time alone with the children during which he could influence them would not be an option.
Of course I've begun to feel that way about today's public schools as well.
Also if you've followed some of JayN's other posts, his own father was abusive to his mother and a cold-hearted husband and father. This was most likely the result of the example set by this paternal grandfather. Women are lower than dirt, they treat them poorly. True when they get old they might like to have something of a family around but they don't deserve it.
Wrong. My paternal grandfather has nothing to do with my father. My father is openly mean and ill intentioned.
My grandfather has always cared greatly for us, he even offered financial help to my mother at the time the divorce. Sure he always had an eye for other ladies but he never mistreated my grandmother the way my father did. No bashing or putting her down for sure.
If I knew for a fact that one of my childrens' grandfathers was a philanderer, his access to my children would be limited to times when I was there as well. I would consider him to be an individual of low moral character and unfit as a role model. Time alone with the children during which he could influence them would not be an option.
Of course I've begun to feel that way about today's public schools as well.
How would he influence them? I doubt he would ever try to influence such young kids.
OK I'm sure there are many people on this forum who have divorced a cheating spouse. Did you limit your kids access to that parent because that parent was going to be a bad influence? I don't think so unless there were other extenuating circumstances going on like drug abuse, criminal activity, etc. Legally I don't think this is even possible. A grandparent has even less influence over a kid.
Perhaps he wouldn't. But as they grew, perhaps he would. One of life's uncertainties for sure.
My grandfather just wants to enjoy the time he has with us. He never tried to influence us even though he kept several mistresses for many years. When we were kids he was more interested in teaching us swimming and horse riding than discussing his affairs.
Wrong. My paternal grandfather has nothing to do with my father. My father is openly mean and ill intentioned.
My grandfather has always cared greatly for us, he even offered financial help to my mother at the time the divorce. Sure he always had an eye for other ladies but he never mistrePated my grandmother the way my father did. No bashing or putting her down for sure.
I saw how he took care of her in her last months.
Adultery is mistreating. Why would have have promised to cherish and love and be faithful to someone when he didn't mean a word he said? Are you really saying your grandmother didn't care that he openly cheated on her? I suspect he treated her like a doormat in his younger philandering days, broke her heart, but woman back in those days usually just had to take it, divorce wasn't so much an option.
Or if your grandmother wasn't hurt and didn't care, then they had an open marriage which is sort of different. I think this explains why your father had so little regard for your mother, it's the example that was set for him. Women are doormats.
Adultery is mistreating. Why would have have promised to cherish and love and be faithful to someone when he didn't mean a word he said? Are you really saying your grandmother didn't care that he openly cheated on her? I suspect he treated her like a doormat in his younger philandering days, broke her heart, but woman back in those days usually just had to take it, divorce wasn't so much an option.
Or if your grandmother wasn't hurt and didn't care, then they had an open marriage which is sort of different. I think this explains why your father had so little regard for your mother, it's the example that was set for him. Women are doormats.
He was an atheist. In the 1950s that was worse than being Stalin, so they married at church. Like most marriages at the time, it was simply out of convenience, she was pretty, he was good looking as well and rather well off.
She had 3 sons in the first 4 years and that was it. Her job was done. But I don't believe he ever treated her like a doormat, she was the boss at home and he always complied. Besides, he's very nice, generous guy to everyone he knows.
Adultery is mistreating. Why would have have promised to cherish and love and be faithful to someone when he didn't mean a word he said? Are you really saying your grandmother didn't care that he openly cheated on her? I suspect he treated her like a doormat in his younger philandering days, broke her heart, but woman back in those days usually just had to take it, divorce wasn't so much an option.
Or if your grandmother wasn't hurt and didn't care, then they had an open marriage which is sort of different. I think this explains why your father had so little regard for your mother, it's the example that was set for him. Women are doormats.
It sounds like you are projecting a bit. There were plenty of marriages that were for show. There is no reason to think this one was not.
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