U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-06-2013, 03:51 PM
 
681 posts, read 1,074,184 times
Reputation: 691

Advertisements

Just overheard a conversation between my mother and a friend. She has 2 sons aged 9 and 5 and the oldest saw their paternal grandfather kissing his mistress outside an hotel. He apparently has been making questions about who that woman is. Apparently the grandfather has been this way for over 40 years.

She was asking my mother what she thought about it. My paternal grandfather kept a mistress until a few years before my grandmother died. I'm glad my mother never limited our contact with him because he was outstanding with both my brother and I.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-06-2013, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
7,047 posts, read 8,663,944 times
Reputation: 17614
What a horrible thing to have to explain to the older sons. I don't know that limiting contact is appropriate, but a conversation certainly is. The best she can do is explain to the son what she thinks about it and remind him that good people sometimes do bad things. Don't try to hide it or cover it up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 07:23 PM
 
594 posts, read 916,512 times
Reputation: 322
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayN View Post
Just overheard a conversation between my mother and a friend. She has 2 sons aged 9 and 5 and the oldest saw their paternal grandfather kissing his mistress outside an hotel. He apparently has been making questions about who that woman is. Apparently the grandfather has been this way for over 40 years.

She was asking my mother what she thought about it. My paternal grandfather kept a mistress until a few years before my grandmother died. I'm glad my mother never limited our contact with him because he was outstanding with both my brother and I.
Nah, the grandchildren definitely come first, but the mistress just another part of his personal life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 07:31 PM
 
7,639 posts, read 13,916,068 times
Reputation: 9896
I do not regard cheaters very highly. I think it's horrible predicament to put your family in. I feel sorry for the friend because now she has to walk a narrow line... She's being put in a position where she has to explain to her son that G-pa is cheating, but how can she show that cheating is wrong? Now she has to bring this dishonest element into her family-life.

Personally, I wouldn't limit the children's contact. But that kind of situation in my family (since keeping silent isn't what we do) is bound to blow up and for worse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 07:38 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,582 posts, read 19,424,993 times
Reputation: 46710
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
What a horrible thing to have to explain to the older sons. I don't know that limiting contact is appropriate, but a conversation certainly is. The best she can do is explain to the son what she thinks about it and remind him that good people sometimes do bad things. Don't try to hide it or cover it up.
Why should the mother have to explain who her father was kissing?

Shouldn't the grandfather have to explain it? Maybe he would think twice about kissing his mistress in public where anyone (including his young grandchildren) could see it.

Perhaps the sons, on their own (especially when they are older), will decide to limit their contact with their grandfather and spend more time with their grandmother..

And, who said that grandpa is a "good person"? Maybe he is a lying, cheating, no good scumbag? I would limit my children's contact with "lying, cheating, no good scumbags."

Last edited by germaine2626; 06-06-2013 at 08:06 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,490 posts, read 4,168,412 times
Reputation: 3234
Jeez Jay...is anything about your life normal or without controversy?

I would say, if the grandfather treats the kids with love and they enjoy his company...then his personal life has NOTHING to do with his grandkids.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,582 posts, read 19,424,993 times
Reputation: 46710
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose View Post
Jeez Jay...is anything about your life normal or without controversy?

I would say, if the grandfather treats the kids with love and they enjoy his company...then his personal life has NOTHING to do with his grandkids.
I disagree. Most grandsons love and emulate their grandfathers and model their grandfathers behavior. I would be concerned that the grandsons would model his disrespect of his wife (their grandmother) and his disregard of his marriage vows. He was seen by his nine year old grandchild, in public, kissing his mistress. This affair does not appear to be a super secret behavior that no one knows about if grandpa is openly kissing his mistress on a street outside of a hotel.

Would you feel the same way if the grandfather was a drug addict, robber, animal abuser, spouse abuser or pedophile in his "personal life"? Oh what, he is a spouse abuser by cheating on her.

Last edited by germaine2626; 06-06-2013 at 09:30 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 09:29 PM
 
1,961 posts, read 3,911,909 times
Reputation: 2764
In my opinion, so long as the grandfather is kind and loving to his grand children, there is no reason to be punitive.

What has me scratching my head though is how these children just happened to be outside a hotel when the grandfather walked out with his mistress. Seems a rather odd.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 10:06 PM
 
14,195 posts, read 14,898,702 times
Reputation: 42153
I wouldn't limit contact, but I wouldn't stop the kid from asking granddad some interesting questions either.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-07-2013, 05:29 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,505 posts, read 46,389,968 times
Reputation: 47550
This is a delicate situation. The grandfather is modeling inappropriate behavior and who knows what else he is doing which could be detrimental to his health or his family? Still the grandchildren probably love him and want to continue a relationship.

At some point it would be necessary for the mother or father to teach the children that we have to accept some people as they are, warts and all and that while they definitely disagree with the grandfather's lack of morals, he is still their grandfather and it is OK to love him. It would also be a great teaching moment about how cheating and lying hurt so many people and in the end it all catches up with the person.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top