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Son not responding to text messages, living with dad, run away, rebellious teenager, develop new kind of relationship, visitations, court agreement, limit communication
LOL! Well, I am still feeling strong. I get my weak moments of where I want to text him or leave a VM....when I begin to really miss him. And, so leaving a VM or text for some reason temporarily takes SOME of the hurt and missing away.....I am trying to pray the urge away. And trying to remember how giving in could cause a backslide.......last night at dinner I missed him cuz I made a baked chicken which he loves and it was yummy....I was thinking of how he was missing out and probably had a t.v. dinner at his dad's instead..... Oh well.
Thanks Beth, you're so nice.
How about if the urge is getting really bad, like it may around closer to the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas...I will post here and you can talk me out of it. If this goes on much longer and Christmas rolls around, I will really be getting antsy and sad cuz my 3yr old is gonna be SO FUN this Christmas...and so will the 17mo old. But, big son LOVES the 3yr old so much......and he might just miss out AGAIN like he did last yr when he was at the dad's for that 10mo period......
twowolves, of course you can talk with me anytime. And if you prefer more privacy, please feel free to private message me. Maybe it would help if you started a journal. You can write all the things you feel and want to say to him in that journal. Just remember that someone may someday get their hands on it and read it. But journals can really help. You get it out of you and on to paper or in the computer, whichever is easiest.
I know it will be hard during the holidays. If you son ever says you don't care because you did not contact him, remind him that this was his choice. He was disrespectful to you and the family and that will not be tolerated, ever. He's acting like a big baby, and wants to be catered to. That will never get him thru life. He needs to learn that now. His father may be catering to him just to get to you. Have fun with your little ones at Christmas. No need for everyone to suffer because of one teenager throwing a tantrum. Do everything you normally do except without him. He needs to know what he is missing. And if he chooses to eat a t.v. dinner instead of a baked chicken, oh well. Stop feeling guilty OK. Personally, I think eating t.v. dinners, doing his own wash, walking where he needs to go, lack of money, etc. will do him wonders. Sure he'll be pissy about it and blame you. But don't you fall for it. It was his choice.
LOL! Well, I am still feeling strong. I get my weak moments of where I want to text him or leave a VM....when I begin to really miss him. And, so leaving a VM or text for some reason temporarily takes SOME of the hurt and missing away.....I am trying to pray the urge away. And trying to remember how giving in could cause a backslide.......last night at dinner I missed him cuz I made a baked chicken which he loves and it was yummy....I was thinking of how he was missing out and probably had a t.v. dinner at his dad's instead..... Oh well.
Thanks Beth, you're so nice.
How about if the urge is getting really bad, like it may around closer to the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas...I will post here and you can talk me out of it. If this goes on much longer and Christmas rolls around, I will really be getting antsy and sad cuz my 3yr old is gonna be SO FUN this Christmas...and so will the 17mo old. But, big son LOVES the 3yr old so much......and he might just miss out AGAIN like he did last yr when he was at the dad's for that 10mo period......
twowolves, of course you can talk with me anytime. And if you prefer more privacy, please feel free to private message me. Maybe it would help if you started a journal. You can write all the things you feel and want to say to him in that journal. Just remember that someone may someday get their hands on it and read it. But journals can really help. You get it out of you and on to paper or in the computer, whichever is easiest.
I know it will be hard during the holidays. If your son ever says you don't care because you did not contact him, remind him that this was his choice. He was disrespectful to you and the family and that will not be tolerated, ever. He's acting like a big baby, and wants everything his way. That will never get him thru life. He needs to learn that now. Have fun with your little ones at Christmas. No need for everyone to suffer because of one teenager throwing a tantrum. Do everything you normally do except without him. He needs to know what he is missing. And if he chooses to eat a t.v. dinner instead of a baked chicken, oh well. Stop feeling guilty OK. Personally, I think eating t.v. dinners, doing his own wash, walking where he needs to go, lack of money, etc. will do him wonders. Sure he'll be pissy about it and blame you. But don't you fall for it. It was his decision And twowolves, if he decides to remain with his father, that is something you will have to come to terms with. Let's hope that he finds his way back home.
Congrats on being brave enough to cut off communication! Now...I strongly suggest that YOU seek counseling. Not just to handle this son, but to do better with the younger two children and to help them. It would be money well spent. God bless!
Congrats on being brave enough to cut off communication! Now...I strongly suggest that YOU seek counseling. Not just to handle this son, but to do better with the younger two children and to help them. It would be money well spent. God bless!
Thanks Beth!!!
Southlander,
I do have a counselor that I go to when needed. I have a wonderful husband to raise my two boys with me and I am much more mature.....yes, I made some mistakes with my teen son........who doesn't, but my mistakes DON'T deserve what he's now doing to me. Nowhere near this. I gave him tons of love and devotion as well as those mistakes. He just has a very strong personality, he doesn't like authority, is stubborn, and holds on to grudges for some reason..partially personality, I guess. His dad also has a very strong/intense personality. I was a bit too controlling/micro-manager I guess, in hindsight. I on the other hand am very forgiving.....he's not. This temperament runs strong in my family, not forgiving. Neither here nor there. It is what it is. I was a young mother just out of college, and with minimal support-his father was verbally abusive, a liar, deceitful and we constantly fought. Hence, I left the father when son was 18mos. I don't think the father ever got over it. Hence the father's poisoning my son.
My scenario is a whole different story now.
Thanks for the advice. I am 37 and have grown immensely in the past 15yrs. I want my son to be happy. I know where unhappiness gets you. Been there done that. I hope he comes around. He is a great person inside...everyone who meets/knows him, loves him and speaks highly of him. He only socks it to ME.
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Thanks for the advice. I am 37 and have grown immensely in the past 15yrs. I want my son to be happy. I know where unhappiness gets you. Been there done that. I hope he comes around. He is a great person inside...everyone who meets/knows him, loves him and speaks highly of him. He only socks it to ME.
My daughter is the same way. I brought her up on my own and I am the only person that she can not get along with. She will turn 18 in one week and "can not wait to get out of here away from YOU, Mom." It's very very hurtful . I know.
Thanks for the advice. I am 37 and have grown immensely in the past 15yrs. I want my son to be happy. I know where unhappiness gets you. Been there done that. I hope he comes around. He is a great person inside...everyone who meets/knows him, loves him and speaks highly of him. He only socks it to ME.
My daughter is the same way. I brought her up on my own and I am the only person that she can not get along with. She will turn 18 in one week and "can not wait to get out of here away from YOU, Mom." It's very very hurtful . I know.
Hi Nancy,
Welcome to twowolves thread. My son was the same way. I was also a single mother during his teens. We experienced some of what is being said here. My son is now in his 30's, married and has children. Time is such a wonderful thing. My son and I have a pretty good relationship. He understands more everyday. We laugh about his antics now and he admits he was a handful. I think this happens more often when the bio father is out of the picture. Mothers try and be all, but it's not the same. At some point in time, boys really need good male role models. Step parents try, but it's hard when it's not your true parent. And quite frankly, children tend to rebel. I don't have any daughters, but my guess is they have things to rebel about also. You know, none of them think we know anything we are talking about.
Thanks for the advice. I am 37 and have grown immensely in the past 15yrs. I want my son to be happy. I know where unhappiness gets you. Been there done that. I hope he comes around. He is a great person inside...everyone who meets/knows him, loves him and speaks highly of him. He only socks it to ME.
My daughter is the same way. I brought her up on my own and I am the only person that she can not get along with. She will turn 18 in one week and "can not wait to get out of here away from YOU, Mom." It's very very hurtful . I know.
It's very hurtful when we have BEEN there for them....day in and day out. A year ago, I was devastated....I have hardened a bit now and realize that there is nothing I can do.....he has to want to improve our relationship. Until then, I have to just keep praying. And loving him anyway. The same as I did when he was an adorable 1yr old and 5yr old and 10yr old........
Welcome to twowolves thread. My son was the same way. I was also a single mother during his teens. We experienced some of what is being said here. My son is now in his 30's, married and has children. Time is such a wonderful thing. My son and I have a pretty good relationship. He understands more everyday. We laugh about his antics now and he admits he was a handful. I think this happens more often when the bio father is out of the picture. Mothers try and be all, but it's not the same. At some point in time, boys really need good male role models. Step parents try, but it's hard when it's not your true parent. And quite frankly, children tend to rebel. I don't have any daughters, but my guess is they have things to rebel about also. You know, none of them think we know anything we are talking about.
I have an update. My son's guidance counselor said she'd meet with him once/week to check on his wellness for me. Yesterday was the day....she called me at 1:30, he was in her office at the time....his request to be there when she called me. She said 'he looks good, has been going to wrestling practices and I have his report card here...do you want his grades?' Of course I said yes. She said 'he has 1 A, 5 B's and 1 C and he is very disappointed in himself and says he is capable of doing much better than this.....' I told her 'yes he is, he could easily have straight A's, if he just studied for 30min a day...he's close to gifted, (IQ 122) but I never pushed for straight A's.....only A's and B's, he's never actually come home with a C on a report card....'
She also said 'he's still against therapy and says he doesn't want to go...'
Moving on, she said 'he's still pretty angry about that night last week when he left your house...' I asked her what specifically and who at because primarily my husband did the 'yelling'. She then turned to my son and asked him what he was most hurt by from that 'night'. He said 'the things his stepdad said and also that I didn't stick up for him.' I usually do fight tooth and nail for my son, I have even magnified once in awhile a comment my husband might have said to my son over the yrs....and tried to acuse him of being a little too stern......when he really wasn't. So, my son is used to me putting him first even over my wonderful husband....only that awful night last week, I was virtually stunned at my husband's pent-up anger release...and just stool there with an open mouth. I actually did tell my husband to quiet down a few times and to 'watch what you say'......
I told her to relay to my son that I understand him being hurt...and that we are all hurt. Especially asked her to point out to son that his stepdad is VERY HURT by him too. And the way he's been treating me, his mother. I told her to tell my son that my husband didn't mean 90% of what was said that night, but that his anger must be dealt with because he can't come back here with that same disrespectful attitude and anger.
I told her also to tell him one more thing.....that I am willing to meet with him if he is interested and calls me......I am willing to help him out and our relationship out by letting him 'vent' to me, all the things that he is angry at me about.....even if it takes an hour and that I would be willing to sit there and let him vent to me, without one word of defense (unless he asked for reasons why or asked something of me) to myself.....PROVIDED that this is done in a non-confrontational way and ends on a positive note. It is not meant to turn into an all out attack.....and I am willing to do this in hopes that it will help my son to unload some/all of his anger that is directed toward ME. So, trying to salvage our relationship. She thought that this was a great idea and was going to get off the phone and tell him those things that I requested she tell him from the above paragraphs.
Maybe I am looking too much into this, but do you think he wanted to BE THERE in her office when she called me to give me the update, because he still really does care? Or, honest other opinions....thanks!
Thoughts on what I told her to relay to him? And, my meeting idea to let him vent??
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Oh well. 
...and he might just miss out AGAIN like he did last yr when he was at the dad's for that 10mo period......
And if he chooses to eat a t.v. dinner instead of a baked chicken, oh well. Stop feeling guilty OK. Personally, I think eating t.v. dinners, doing his own wash, walking where he needs to go, lack of money, etc. will do him wonders. Sure he'll be pissy about it and blame you. But don't you fall for it. It was his choice. 
I was a young mother just out of college, and with minimal support-his father was verbally abusive, a liar, deceitful and we constantly fought. Hence, I left the father when son was 18mos. I don't think the father ever got over it. Hence the father's poisoning my son. 
